Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Aug 31, 2008 8:26:25 GMT -5
The encounter with D’rorah in Knockturn Alley had been most unexpected, but not as unexpected as the result had turned out to be. To forgive an old cliché, if someone had told him a week ago that he would end up working against the Mage, as a counter-spy for the lightfighters, he would have thought them mad. His memories of the conversation were blurred, but he could work out enough to know what had happened. Anyone else looking into his mind, however, would have a more difficult task.
In such a public place, the encounter had only been brief, resulting in the current rendezvous in the West Tower. Climbing the stairs, he purposely avoided the owlery and ended up standing, half hidden in shadows, along a short corridor of rooms as he waited for D’rorah to arrive. Most were store cupboards or offices – there were a couple of small classrooms there also, though.
He felt oddly rested since yesterday, and had his suspicions that there might be more of a reason to this than just chance. D’rorah had put in place some temporary mental barriers before, and had given him the strange farewell of “sleep well”. If his suspicions were correct, she had pushed away certain memories and thoughts that would normally trouble his rest at night. It had been against all his instincts to let her use her skills on his mind without any resistance, but he had just about managed to let her with only a slight flinch at her touch. He had a feeling that it would be more difficult tonight, with more permanent barriers being put into place.
He had had some time to consider what she needed to know, but his main focus of thought had been on the other spies he knew of at Hogwarts. Paris Nowan he knew of, and he had recruited Tasha himself. He had no qualms about telling their names to the older Ravenclaw. But then, there was Silren... And there it got difficult. He did not know what D’rorah would do about other spies. And he would not risk Silren’s life or health on that. He owed it to Taisy, if no one else, to protect her previous best friend in whatever ways he could. If she chose to, he was sure that D’rorah could just rip the knowledge from his mind, just as his parents and grandfather had done so many times. But hopefully it would not come to that, or it could turn into a tricky situation.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 1, 2008 3:54:22 GMT -5
D'rorah had never suspected, heading into Knockturn Alley to look for texts that might be helpful in her research, that she would come away witha new ally. She remembered how betrayed she had felt upon finding out that Kerridon was on the Mage's side, that day so long ago in Hogsmeade. Of course, the betrayal that particular day had been overshadowed by the fact that the one leading the dark forces in Hogsmeade that day had previously been her Elemental Master, Mordred Kade. Of course, it wasn't really him... merely a shell inhabited by a Shadow. Kerridon Paradox and Gat Soldier had been the ones at Mordred's side... a veritable parade of people betraying her all in one day. Kerridon she had nearly come to consider a friend, seeing how similar they were. Gat... well, she had been the one to help him discover his abilities as an Elemental Master only to have him turn around and join the Mage. She would not mourn the loss of Gat... after betraying her, he had tortured her endlessly. Her flesh nearly crawled when she thought of how the Mage had promised her to Gat in the Shadow Realm... all he had to do was bend D'rorah to their side.
Kerridon would be a useful ally now that he had managed to see the flawed logic which had led him into the Mage's service. He would have to be very careful though... she shuddered to think of the punishment he would endure at the Mage's hands if he were caught now that he had changed sides. She would have to be careful with his mental barriers... they would have to be carefully placed so they were not only incredibly strong, but also as indetectable as possible.
She ascended the stairs of the tower soundlessly, alert for anything that seemed out of place. Now would be a bad night indeed for anyone to happen upon them--teacher, student, or otherwise. That was why she'd chosen this tower. It was unlikely anyone would be wandering around here late at night. The astronomy tower was a much more favored place for random midnight rendevous between students. The Room of Requirement, for all of its usefulness, needed to be used with discretion. The possibility of someone seeing people coming and going from the sixth floor only grew every time they used it.
As she landed on the top floor, just below the owlery, she came to a dark corridor. She began down the corridor, watching carefully for signs of Kerridon. Finally, she spotted him, nearly hidden among the shadows. If she hadn't been looking for him, she likely wouldn't have seen him. "[blue]Mister Paradox, I am gratified to see that you are very punctual. Good evening.[/blue]"
She swept past him to a door at the end of the corridor, motioning for him to follow. She led the way through the door, into a small room that contained nothing more than a table and a large, round braided rug. There were no windows, so the room was pitch black until D'rorah drew her wand and whispered a quiet, "[blue]Lumos,[/blue]" bringing a very faint glow into being. She seated herself on one half of the rug, assuming a pose she might use for meditation. "[blue]I would like to begin by spending some time with you in meditation, so that I may become more familiar with your mind. It will facilitate my ability to effectively barrier your thoughts.[/blue]"
She paused for a moment, certain he would have misgivings about allowing her access to his mind. She knew she would certainly have inhibitions about allowing anyone into her mind. "[blue]I intend that your private memories shall remain private, Mister Paradox. Lightfighters serve by choice, not by force. However, it is likely that I will encounter private memories in the course of this endeavor. I say this now because I need you to remain relaxed while I am in your mind. And tension or attempt to push me out will cause me great discomfort and will hinder my progress in establishing your barriers. I shall do my best not to intrude upon your memories, and you have my word that any I encounter accidentally shall stay between the two of us. My only exception to this is in the event I find something which may cause a danger to myself or to my allies.[/blue]"
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 1, 2008 13:17:00 GMT -5
Expecting D’rorah to come from the same entrance to the corridor as he had, Kerridon was a little surprised to hear movement from the other end. Perhaps she was coming from the owlery, although it did seem a bit late to be sending any letters. He brushed it off as she greeted him, thanking him for his punctuality. She would have her reasons. “Good evening, Miss Philosophy,” he replied, nodding slightly in acknowledgement of her gratitude. He wouldn’t have done anything but arrive on time, but he knew that others might have. Teenage students were often not known for getting to places they were supposed to be on time. An easy example was the recent Transfiguration class, when a large proportion of the pupils had turned up after the lesson had already started.
He followed her down to the end of the corridor at her gesture and entered through the doorway after her. His eyes were already beginning to adjust to the darkness when D’rorah cast lumos a few moments later – the result of so much time spent in the shadow realm. There were lights there, of course, but darkness was certainly the favoured decoration. With so many shadows and wraiths in the place, it was hardly surprising. There was little actually in the room – just a rug, which D’rorah sat herself down on, and a table. Having closed the door behind them he joined her on the rug, sitting directly opposite as she began speaking again.
He had meditated on a few occasions previously, mostly to clear his mind of the worst of his memories before entering the shadow realm, or another place with an overpopulation of dementors, shadows and wraiths. But the idea of her becoming familiar with his mind was not a pleasant one. It had been difficult enough in the bookshop to not throw up occlumency barriers on instinct, and that experience had barely lasted a minute.
Plus, there were things in his mind that he didn’t want her to see. First and foremost, that Silren was a spy – he had to protect her, at least for now. And his rather confused feelings towards Mami – he would not allow anyone to connect her to him so that there would be a reason to drag her into this war. But then, there were other memories. Ones that were blocked from his conscious thoughts right now, but which he knew were there behind the temporary barriers put up yesterday. His sister dying, being tortured in the shadow realm, those first few muggles he killed in cold blood simply to prove he could, the punishments he had to go through if he did not complete the work set well enough. Unfortunately, most of his life was made up of memories he would rather not have her see, so the likeliness of her not seeing anything was close to nil.
Sure enough, D’rorah had realised his likely misgivings and made some attempt to reassure him that the memories she did come across would not be shared. But still, that did not comfort him massively. He made a concerted effort now to push away all thoughts of Silren and Mami so they were less likely to float to the surface while D’rorah was in his mind.
“I will try,” he replied, a slight frown of displeasure on his face at the thought of the upcoming mental invasion. He was beginning to regret this decision to be a counter-spy, if only for the reason of having to let someone into his mind to protect it. “But... I may put up barriers automatically... just on instinct.” That was true enough; one of the key things his father had taught him about being a spy was never to let anyone into your mind and find your secrets. And he had also used his limited skills to prevent certain memories coming to the forefront of his mind so frequently, although that didn’t always work. A lot of this would simply be a huge battle with what his instincts were screaming at him to do.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 2, 2008 8:50:05 GMT -5
“I will try, but... I may put up barriers automatically... just on instinct.”
D'rorah nodded, understanding the likely dilemma. "[blue]Mister Paradox, if there is someone in your past you are attempting to protect, I highly recommend you seek that individual out and convince him or her of your newfound point of view. Otherwise, I have a notion that you may find yourself in a rather difficult position if you are one day faced with that person as an enemy. And keep in mind that any resistance you offer will only mean that I require more time to finish my work... which in turn makes it likely I will have to stay in your mind longer and may possibly see more memories you do not wish to see.[/blue]" She couldn't fault him for loyalty to an old friendship or even for wanting to keep personal memories private. D'rorah placed a high value on privacy herself; as a telepath, she believed everyone had the right to privacy of thought because, as a telepath, she had been privy to far more information from the minds of others than she typically wanted.
Wanting to begin with the meditation, she closed her eyes and began to focus on her breathing in an effort to clear her mind. "[blue]Close your eyes, focus on even and steady breathing[/blue]" she instructed quietly. She gave herself a long stretch of time with silence punctuated by nothing more than the sound of her and Kerridon's breathing. She matched her breathing to his as they sat silently facing one another. When she felt reasonably calm and collected, she slowly reached out her mind to his. She felt around his mind, familiarizing herself with its pulses and energy flow. Finally, feeling reasonably familiar with him she slowly slipped her consciousness into his own.
She would continue the meditation now from inside Kerridon's mind. She concentrated on their synchronized breathing, feeling the ebb and flow of energy between them as she became familiar with the processes of his brain. It was quick and complex, definitely a Ravenclaw mind. That complexity would be both a blessing and a hinderance... a blessing because the intricate weavings of Kerridon's mind would make it harder for anyone looking in to unravel the barriers she would create; a hinderance because it meant she would have to take great care in conforming the barriers to the existing patterns of his mind so they would be both effective and undetectable. Of course, she had suspected this would be the case anyway. Her previous interactions with Kerridon had indicated that he would have such a mind.
[blue]Tell me if you feel any discomfort,[/blue] she thought silently, carefully planning her strategy for placing the shield within Kerridon's mind before she actually began. Of all times, this was one when the utmost care and precision would be needed. Kerridon's life and safety, as well as the safety of the Lightfighters, depended on it.
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 2, 2008 17:13:45 GMT -5
Kerridon was surprised at how quickly D’rorah grasped what he was trying to avoid saying. He hadn’t meant for her to work it out, and was actually quite astonished at how fast she had understood his problem. He supposed that if he was thinking about it objectively, then there were likely to be certain people he had come across in his years serving the Mage who he wouldn’t want to be put in danger by revealing their identities to the lightfighters. It wouldn’t have been too difficult for her to work that out.
But, she was right. He did not ever want to come across the situation where he was fighting against Silren. But... he didn’t want to explain. Not to her. One of the only things that had originally kept him sane after Taisy’s death was the knowledge that it would have happened eventually. He had thought there was no hope for a hugely long life, but being on the winning side still made sense. Hopefully it would prolong his life and hers, and make it less painful in the long run. With some degree of hope now imbued in him from what D’rorah had told him the other day, that made it a little more difficult to see her death in the same light. It had always been a horrible thing to think about, but there had been something to stop him falling apart any more than he had (which, incidentally, had been quite significant anyway). Now he thought there might have been a chance for her to have a normal life, it made it all the worse. A sick feeling arose in his stomach and he pushed it away, the slight look of discomfort on his face becoming more pronounced. Hopefully D’rorah would take it as being simply because of the idea of her looking into his mind.
But Silren... what if he told her what he knew, and she still decided to fight on the side of Dark Phoenix? He didn’t know what her original motives had been when she’d first joined the Mage. Not only would it feel like a betrayal to Taisy to end up fighting her, it would effectively ruin all chances of him being a spy. Perhaps he would have to tell her eventually, but first, he should probably feel the waters... Find out why she was fighting, and go from there. It might take a while, but would probably be safer for all involved.
He did as he was told and his eyelids slid downwards, pushing away as many thoughts of Silren and Taisy as he could while his breathing slowed. The silence might have been peaceful, if he hadn’t been aware of what was coming next. It was not often he got to just sit, doing nothing. His attempt at finding a quiet place the other day, ironically also in the West Tower except in the owlery part, had been disturbed by the Gryffindor, Carrie James. Remembering his half-formed thoughts of doing to her what he had to Mavaron and Quin reminded him that he was sitting before a telepath who was preparing to enter his mind, and he quickly pushed that away as well. Mavaron had been rude to D’rorah while she was performing her prefect duties, which was why Kerridon had picked him out in the first place, but he somewhat doubted that she would approve of his methods of punishment. It was useful for his research, but not great for the boy’s state of mind. He knew that since that encounter, Mavaron had drawn into himself immensely and avoided Kerridon like the plague, even without remembering a thing that had happened.
Feeling the soft whisper of another mind on the edge of his conscious, Kerridon was hard-pressed not to throw up barriers immediately and prevent further access. Thoughts of Mavaron scurried away quickly, to be replaced by a focus on keeping some degree of control over both his own mind and what she could see. He knew he was not skilled enough to stop her seeing everything he didn’t want her too, but hopefully he had enough talent to stop the worst things slipping through where she could see them.
Keeping his breathing steady, he murmured a mental assent to what she had said, but not really planning to do so. It was uncomfortable even now, and just felt wrong not fighting back. Even during the first legilimency and occlumency lessons he had gone through, he had managed to construct some sort of prevention to stop full access. Mostly that prevention had been shattered almost immediately anyway and the thoughts and memories had come crashing through for the caster to see, but just letting her in, without attempting to stop her, was against all of his strongly-honed instincts. He knew it would be feeling discomfort the entire time, and even if it did get worst on occasion, the shields had to be put in place. Better to get it over with as soon as possible so she could get out of his head. Like she’d said before, the longer she was in his mind, the more likely it was that she would come across things he didn’t want her to see.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 4, 2008 10:41:25 GMT -5
D'rorah felt out Kerridon's mind slowly, like an artist assessing a canvas before she began painting. Dark Phoenix's mental abilities were of some note, so she would have to do her best work if she wanted to have a chance of averting her immediate discovery of Kerridon's new allegiance with the side of Light. She paid no attention to the memories around her, merely working out the actual framework of his mind. That activity, luckily, took all of her focus. While she caught a fleeting glimpse of a... slightly unorthodox punishment of Mister Maravon following their encounter so long ago, she paid little attention to it.
She could feel the tension within him, how difficult it was for Kerridon to simply allow her to enter his mind. She knew she would encounter barriers that would either have to be worked through or around during this particular endeavor. [blue]Peace, Mister Paradox,[/blue] she bid mentally, making her mental tones as soothing as possible. Finding maintaining her connection with him more difficult than she had anticipated, given his state of mind, she reached out a physical hand slowly and carefully, laying it aside his neck. She braced herself for a bit of shock on his part, knowing how cold her hands (and the rest of her) constantly were after her latest near-corruption.
Feeling the connection become easier with the physical touch, D'rorah continued on in her work. Finding a likely starting point, she began slowly constructing a barrier in his mind, pushing behind it all memories of their conversation in Knockturn Alley, as well as moving a large portion of his working mind behind the barrier. It was a long time going, slowly drawing the line dividing safe from unsafe thought, figuring out which things needed to be inside the barrier. She was some way into carefully building up a particular section of resistance when she encountered an existing barrier.
She paused, assessing what appeared to be a rather solid wall, trying to determine whether it would need to be worked through or could be worked around in her current work. She could sense that there were memories behind the barrier which were in some way involved with the work she was doing, though she had no idea what they were. Dropping her current work of building the new barrier, she set to feeling out this new obstuction, systematically looking for weaknesses and the least traumatic entryway possible. She took great care in pushing through the barrier, not wanting to be surprised by a torrent of memories that might be traumatic to Kerridon.
Finally, she managed to open the wall and found herself awash in memories of a young girl. It was impossible not to see them, not to feel how dear they were to Kerridon and how strongly they affected him. Unable to do little else, she stood back to allow them to pass, waiting for the flood to end before she continued in her work once more.
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 5, 2008 21:35:08 GMT -5
With D’rorah’s presence in his mind so obvious to him – he had been trained to feel just the slightest brush of possible intrusion, mentally – the tension in Kerridon was transferring to his outer appearance. His back was stiff and his expression strained as he concentrated on not throwing up any barriers against her. The feeling of being so vulnerable was excruciating, even though he knew she probably could have forced her way into his mind without his consent. He kept very still, not moving at all when she spoke to him in his head and certainly not gaining any peacefulness. With his fists and jaw clenched visibly, he couldn’t help but let out a small gasp when her icy hand touched the tensed muscles of his neck. She was freezing! What had caused her body temperature to plummet so drastically? Not knowing the effects of near-corruption, Kerridon failed to put two and two together, and was simply left to wonder.
With physical contact, Kerridon could sense the mental contact ease some and his shoulders dropped a fraction as he became more used to the extra presence in his head. He could somewhat feel the barriers being constructed in his memories, and the idea that it was started, and so the end was in sight, was quite comforting in a strange, roundabout way. The anxiety began to fade a little and he focussed his thoughts away from her presence in his head to try and make it less difficult to not throw up barriers. She was right; the less he struggled, the faster it would be over with. Which meant no obstructions, less tension.
He sort of felt D’rorah pause in her work, but attempted to pay even less attention. The pause was a weakness – an opportunity to attack her mental presence and get her away from his memories. He couldn’t allow himself to think like that right now or he would find himself automatically following through with it, and continued to concentrate on a stream of simple letters in a foreign alphabet; remembering their pronunciation and how they fit different into certain words. As such, he did not realise what it was that had made her pause until too late.
Something in his mind shifted, gave way, and suddenly a torrent came from nowhere of memories buried deep. Some had been shifted about recently by students such as Mami and Silren, but not as clearly as he could see and feel them now. Not as precise, or lucid, as they were now. A shudder ran through him and he threw up a barrier, forgetting D’rorah’s presence there and just trying to block it all out; stop it getting any further into his conscious thought. It didn’t work, though; the memories had been released and were not going back into the protected shell they had been stored in for so long. He knew the memories, of course, but didn’t know them... They had been dulled slightly, tarnished and worn down and covered with static, as if the wires between some muggle technology were half-broken and causing a malfunction in the hardware. Now D’rorah had let them out, they were crystal clear, and all the emotions he had blocked away were accompanying them too.
“Ah...” he murmured wordlessly, face twisted up and hands dropping back to press against the rug and keep him upright. It was Taisy... all of it, Taisy. Growing up together and playing with muggle children in the local village, being envious of their normal lives. Taisy being upset when their parents divorced. Taisy getting punished by their grandfather for not passing a test he’d suddenly decided to set. “Get – “ he began, not completing his sentence before another set of memories assaulted him. The shocked look Taisy had given him when their father told her proudly that Kerridon had passed the tests and killed some muggles. The expression on her face when she’d been forced to do the same. “Get out – “ he tried again, trembling a little in anticipation over the memory he knew would come next. He desperately didn’t want her to see this, especially in the newfound clarity he was experiencing it. Every emotion he’d felt, every detail he’d noticed at the time, was tumbling around in his head as if it was happening right now. He was so absorbed that he didn’t know if D’rorah was still in his head or not, although the haphazard barriers he’d thrown up might cause some difficulty for her getting out even if she did try. Having brought them up to try and stem the sudden surge, he had not really let them down again; instead simply letting go of them to cause havoc in the rest of his mind.
And there it was, looming and accelerating into the forefront of his thoughts. The fight, her running, the pain in his shoulder as a spell hit him. Looking up to see the curse fly towards Taisy from his father’s wand, the blood that suddenly spattered everywhere and the cold chill that ran through him – a cold chill that was running through him even now. Disapparating, back at the house, trying to find a pulse, trying to wake her up, failing again and again. Seeing her tiny, fragile and now lifeless body at the funeral, breaking apart inside.
Taking a ragged breath, Kerridon jerked his arm up to roughly take hold of D’rorah’s hand and push it away from his neck, finally speaking the whole sentence he’d been attempting to before. “Get out of my head,” he said quietly, voice shaking a little from having to relive so much of that so vividly, in such a short space of time. A part of him knew that she would need to continue with her work at some point tonight, but right now he just wanted her out. She had cascaded that barrier, whether intentionally or not, and he didn’t want any more shattering due to her working. His eyes were open now, and his gaze focussed dully on the rug before him. He lifted the weight from the hand still resting behind him and brought it forward to his side, slipping his eyes shut again to try and reconstruct the barriers he had worked so long and hard on, and which had been torn down without any warning. He was having trouble though... Now the memories were out, they didn’t want to be packed away again. Try as he might, he could not rebuild those barriers. The foundations were even gone; he had nothing to work from.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 7, 2008 6:32:54 GMT -5
Though D'rorah had been remaining alert just in case Kerridon threw up any mental barriers, she was not able to react quickly enough when he acutally did throw one up in response to her breaking through a barrier holding back memories of his... sister... yes, that was it. A choked scream issued from both her physical and mental selves as Kerridon's new and hastily-erected mental block came between her actual self and the part of her that was within his mind.
Everything was a confusing clamor of memory and responding emotion. Partially cut off from herself, she was having difficulty concentrating through the jarringly frantic emotion in Kerridon's mind in extract herself from the mental prison. She could hear in an echo all around her, his attempts to order her from his mind. In truth, she wanted nothing less than a complete evacuation herself at this point. She couldn't help but see the content of his memories, trapped as she was inside a barrier with them. Of course, though she could see them, she did her best to give Kerridon his privacy... it was impossible, however, to miss his background and what had led him to this point. The death of a younger sister, obviously quite dear to him.
It was a relief when Kerridon pulled her hand away from his neck, facilitating the forceful severance of their mental connection. The bridge between them weakened, D'rorah finally managed to break past the new barrier in Kerridon's mind. She slumped to the side, completely exhausted, the obstacle of her arm the only thing which kept her from crashing into the floor upon which she sat. She closed her eyes against the crushing pain of a headache, brought on by both the strain of her intended work and the complications which had arisen during that work.
Cradling her head in her hands, she sagged forward, her elbows resting against her knees as she willed the excruciating pain away. She did not allow herself to moan or make any audible indication of her current pain, but it was present in the strained set of her jaw and the way her fingers snarled in her hair. She looked up at Kerridon, concern blossoming across her face as she saw his condition.
"[blue]Mister Paradox, will you be alright?[/blue]" she asked quietly, the noise seeming far too loud inside her head. She wasn't stupid enough to ask if he was okay. Clearly, he was not. "[blue]We must rest for a bit... but... do you believe you might be able to finish this with me tonight? The longer we delay in this task, the more danger you face of being discovered.[/blue]"
She winced, her eyes closing once again as a throb hit her temples. She would have to find some sort of headache potion to have any hope of getting through the following day. Of course, being D'rorah, the idea of taking a day off for recovery would never have occurred to her. Knowing she had work still to do that night, she began forcing the pain away, certain she could harness enough willpower to work through it because, quite simply, she must.
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 8, 2008 6:27:42 GMT -5
Caught up in his own memories, Kerridon only half heard the choked scream D’rorah released. With all the turmoil going on his head, he just assumed it to be part of one of the many memories flying about, and dismissed it. There was certainly plenty of other screaming and shouting that took a key role in his past. He became aware that D’rorah had been in his mind the whole time when he felt the link weaken as he released her hand. The other barrier he had thrown up shattered as she forced her way through it and out. He winced slightly at the painful backlash of yet another barrier being broken, but this one released no memories hidden away in the recesses of his mind.
Clenching his eyes shut again, he found that the memories were not going away as they normally did. They were not fading, or getting less clear, simply repeating themselves over and over... If he had more knowledge of the muggle world, he would probably have compared it to a CD stuck on loop. It reached the end, then started all over again, exactly the same. The quality didn’t degenerate, but stayed exactly as it was the first time the track played through.
Bringing both arms up, he rested his elbows on his knees, and then his head in his hands. He screwed up his eyes even tighter so no light could come through, and concentrated as hard as he could on restoring that barrier. He could find fragments of it, but nothing large enough to use; to mould into its previous shape. And there were just so many fragments – a giant puzzle with microscopic, identical pieces. Nothing that could ever be fixed. It would take years to restore even a fraction of it.
Her voice broke through his realisation and he raised his head to look at her, bleakness apparent in his eyes. She didn’t look much better than him, really. Obviously the mental strain he had experienced had been multiplied for her, being the invading mind in his head. She looked exhausted, and she was going through some pain if the expression on her face was anything to go by. In fact, the very fact that there was an expression instead of just neutrality on her face spoke volumes. He looked straight past the concern, not really comfortable with it, and just at the way her jaw was clenched and hands on her head, just as his had been.
“No,” he answered simply, not going into any more detail than that. If he had to go through these memories every day in the same clarity they were now, he would certainly not be alright. “And yourself?”
The idea of letting her get back into his mind sent alarm bells ringing even more than they had before. Despite the deafening clash, he didn’t miss the wince that she let loose, and used it as a way to get around the question by asking one himself. The concern that he had avoided processing on D’rorah’s face now sneaked into his own expression. “Are you sure that you can continue? You do not look well at all.”
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 8, 2008 11:06:33 GMT -5
D'rorah shook her head dismissively, but quickly stopped. The action made her entire head throb and made the room spin as though she were caught on the outskirts of a carousel. "[blue]I will be fine,[/blue]" she protested, "[blue]a bit of time to regather myself is all I need. The hasty barrier you threw up to protect yourself very nearly separated my mind from the rest of me. Had I not had the physical connection, there is a strong possibility I would be completely lost in your head.[/blue]"
She looked at Kerridon again, arching an eyebrow slightly. "[blue]So, I suppose the more appropriate question is whether or you not feel you will be able to continue, because death does not fit very neatly into my plans for the remainder of the evening.[/blue]" D'rorah took a deep breath, releasing tension as she exhaled. She had to remind herself that Kerridon's reflexive reaction to protect his mind was something he would find difficult to control.
Feeling somewhat more composed and a bit more compassionate after even that one breath, she closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at him. "[blue]I apologize for the emotional distress and pain I have caused in taking down your barriers. I was so focused on my goal of finding all pertinent memories and reorganizing them behind the barrier I was creating within your mind that I failed to consider the possibility that I might unleash something so traumatic. I know it is of little comfort, but nothing I have seen today will go beyond this room.[/blue]" D'rorah took another deep breath, slowly beginning to feel more relaxed, though the vicious pounding in her head continued unabated.
"[blue]You must make a decision, Kerridon. Either I continue my work as I see fit, constructing the strongest and most effective barrier for you that I am capable of constructing... or I leave existing barriers in place, introducing weakness into my overall design. I can reconstruct barriers around anything that I unleash, but there is no possibility of circumventing the step of first taking down the old barriers. Dark Phoenix knows your mind already... if I simply lock everything away, she will quickly notice the familiar memories missing and will seek them out, discovering our ruse quite quickly. If I leave them outside of my barriers, but inside your current barriers, there is the strong possibility that something may trigger those memories to react to your new situation... and you would be discovered just as quickly.[/blue]"
She leaned back, straightening her back and removing her elbows from her knees. A wry smile adorned her face when she looked at Kerridon again. "[blue]However, if you think there is a possibility that my continued endeavors in this matter will cause another near-death experience, I must say I think it best that we desist for the night.[/blue]"
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 10, 2008 14:24:23 GMT -5
Although Kerridon was not convinced when D’rorah reassured him she would be fine, the thought of her being stuck inside his head distracted him sufficiently that he didn’t return to his original suspicions. Instead he wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t had that physical connection. He would have suddenly found himself sitting in front of a corpse. And he was certain that the other lightfighters would not let the matter rest once they found the body of their leader. If Keaira had seen that image in his head then he very much doubted she would wait for an explanation. Even if they had been told already that he had changed sides, he felt it unlikely that that would prove anything to them. They would doubtless just take that as more evidence that he’d had the chance to catch D’rorah off guard and become her killer. Which, ironically, he would be, since he was the one to raise the barrier in the first place. Even if it had just been pure instinct. Not only that, but would she have stayed in his head? Knowing that she was seeing his every thought constantly would drive him crazy soon enough. Even knowing she had seen what she already had of his memories was bad enough.
“What you broke through... that was the biggest barrier. There are others, but I should be able to restrain myself if you break through them. I did not realise you were planning to destroy barriers already there, so when I felt it, I... panicked.”
Hearing that she would not share what she had seen was, as she had thought, of little comfort, but it was at least something. He would hate for all of the other lightfighters to know of his past, and certain memories should be his and his alone. D’rorah knowing them was now unavoidable, the only alternative being a very precise ‘obliviate’ which he knew could not be counted as an option. He was fairly sure that she would not appreciate having a memory spell performed on her, whatever the purpose or regret.
“I apologise for causing you distress. It truly was an instinctive reaction,” he replied, nodding slightly in acknowledgement of her own apology. He raised his head from his hands and took a breath inwards, letting it out again slowly and trying to focus his entire attention on D’rorah, rather than the memories still clear in his head. His eyes were a little glazed over from trying to concentrate so much. He only paused for a few considering moments before answering her. He didn’t return the smile, however wry it was.
“If you come across barriers that need to be taken down... do so. But, please do not go looking for barriers. And restore them as soon as you can afterwards. I do not plan to cause any deaths tonight,” he added, letting a hint of a smirk brush across his lips before disappearing again.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 13, 2008 14:52:41 GMT -5
"[blue]I did not realize that I would encounter any such large barriers to take down in the course of building this new barrier for you. It was a foolish oversight to think major memories would not find a way of attaching itself to your decision to forge this new alliance. And I assure you, I do not intend to remove any barriers unless I find it necessary to do so in constructing this new barrier.[/blue]
D'rorah took another long, deep breath of the air. It felt somewhat stale in the closed room. No doubt, the room saw few patrons; if she bothered to consider it, it might seem like a rather depressing setting. It was just another empty stone chamber, frequented by few students and certainly not used for any classes. The murky, tepid air did little to revive her focus, instead making her wish for a comfortable bed and a night of untroubled sleep. Of course, untroubled sleep was nowhere even close to a possibility of late.
"[blue]I will exercise more care going forward[/blue]" she promised. Slowly, she reached out her cold hands again, cupping it lightly at the side of Kerridon's neck. She had willpower... enough to push herself forward through this task no matter what. She moved carefully into his mind, mindful of what was around her. She first finished the section of barrier she had been working on before the interruption, wanting to complete it quickly. Satisfied with that section of her work, she reconstructed the original barrier she had taken down, being careful to integrate it with her new creation. In places, the two blended and melded together, as though they were a part of each other.
Moving on from there, she continued her construction of the barrier, working more carefully this time and not completely taking down any other existing barriers. The few she needed to enter, she opened only partway... just enough to draw out the memories she needed and to include them in her new barrier. The work was slow and tedious, but finally, exhausted and with a headache that made her head throb incessantly, she pulled back from Kerridon's mind, satisfied with her work.
Taking her hand away from his neck, she took a deep breath, once again disappointed by the tepid air in the room and the fact that it completely failed to refresh or revive her. "[blue]There we are[/blue]" she stated quietly, exhaustion in her voice.
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Sept 21, 2008 7:12:16 GMT -5
Kerridon nodded once more to acknowledge her assurances and took in a long breath at about the same time as D’rorah did to calm his nerves. All the memories that had been unleashed earlier were still swimming about in his head, and he was nervous that she would come across another huge barrier to break through. He didn’t think there was anything worse locked up in his head, but then, he didn’t exactly go to conscious methods to take note of everything there. If he did, there would be no point in the barriers. Similarly, he noticed the mustiness of the air as he breathed it in, but it didn’t really bother him much. It was far nicer than the chill that accompanied residing in the Shadow Realm.
Again, he flinched a little as her icy hand touched his neck, and he slipped his eyes shut and just focussed on the blackness. He didn’t avoid thinking about what she was doing completely, wanting to be sure that he could prevent himself from throwing up another barrier if she did break through something else.
His own head started aching at some point during the process – despite not being the one to do all the work, preventing himself from putting up more blocks was taking its toll. Not to mention that the memories were still beating on his brain. But then, suddenly they were fading as D’rorah managed to reconstruct the old barrier, or at least a very similar one in the same place. Still there, still painful, but not agonisingly clear as they had been before. He let out a small sigh and waited for the task to come to its end. There were a few moments when he had to mentally restrain himself from putting more barriers up, but he succeeded and a short while later, the freezing hand was removed along with the foreign presence in his mind. After a short pause he re-opened his eyes just before she spoke. The exhaustion in her voice and demeanour was clear to him and he couldn’t help but feel the want to do something about it. That was quite odd really; he was used to just looking after himself and expecting everyone else to do the same.
“You should get a potion to help with the fatigue, and the headache I am sure you have,” he told her, a hint of concern in his gaze. With the bad memories safely buried again he was feeling much better and the headache he had was reduced to a minor pounding. Another thought came to him and he paused before continuing. But, she needed to know. And know she was out of his mind there was less chance of her coming across thoughts of Silren as he spoke. “There are others at Hogwarts... those who serve the Mage,” he began, waiting for her reaction before continuing.
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Post by D'rorah Philosophy on Sept 26, 2008 20:22:40 GMT -5
"[blue]Perhaps I will,[/blue]" D'rorah replied quietly in response to Kerridon's statement that she should find a potion to help with her fatigue and headache. Of course, she wasn't sure where she would find one at this hour. She didn't really want to have to make one herself at this point, and the thought of either asking the mediwitch for one or of stealing one from the school pharmacy didn't appeal much either. She pushed thoughts of potions aside rather quickly as Kerridon continued speaking.
"[blue]Yes, of course,[/blue]" she replied quietly. "[blue]I knew it was very likely there were others who served her. Considering the constant influx of new students and the rapidity with which she seems to gain followers, it is only logical to conclude that you were not the only one.[/blue]" She raised her eyes to meet his, already thinking about what this new information would mean for her and what the Lightfighters would need to do with it.
"[blue]Who are they? They will need to be kept under surveillance, of course. Do you believe any of them might be turned toward serving light instead?[/blue]" She hoped, that like Kerridon, she might find some new allies among former enemies. Though, the hope wasn't very strong. She had only been able to convince Kerridon because he had an extremely logical mind... and had, for some reason been willing to listen and trust that she was telling the truth. She couldn't count on his level of intelligence being the standard for Dark Phoenix's other followers.
At this point she had no intention of harming any of them. Killing one's enemies only became a necessity when one's own life was threatened in return. It would be helpful enough to know who those enemies might be so that she and the others might be on their guard to avoid getting killed themselves. With watchful eyes, she awaited Kerridon's answer, feeling already that this new union was going to benefit the Lightfighters... though she had the feeling many of them would not agree with her and would likely question her forcefully about her decision. She was almost certain though, that they would rather quickly acquiesce.
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Kerridon Paradox
Ravenclaw
[blue]6th Year Ravenclaw[/blue]
One loss locked me in the heart of misery... but you had the key to set me free
Posts: 317
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Post by Kerridon Paradox on Oct 3, 2008 17:33:05 GMT -5
Kerridon wasn’t entirely convinced by her answer that she would actually get a potion, not least because she hadn’t even given a firm answer. With an idea of what her head was like right now, he hoped that she would. He didn’t want to feel responsible for D’rorah feeling ill all day tomorrow; especially during lessons which he was sure would be what annoyed her most. Although, it was strange... feeling responsible for something was what he’d tried to avoid this past year. Just because it brought back memories of something he most certainly was responsible for. Yet now he was mentally acknowledging without any thought until afterwards that he would be the one to blame. He couldn’t help but wonder if viewing those memories in such clarity had had more of an effect on him than he had originally thought.
His gaze flinched away a little when she met eyes with him and asked of the other followers’ identities. Anyone with normal observation skills would never have noticed, but D’rorah could hardly be classified as normal. But meeting her eyes again there was no doubt or hint of uncertainty in them when he spoke. He kept any thoughts of Silren firmly locked up on the off-chance D’rorah might hear a stray thought that would give the younger Slytherin away. He couldn’t risk that quite yet, although he had no idea what he was going to say to her. He couldn’t just leave it, but telling her he had switched sides... it was a huge risk.
“There are two others I can tell you of. Paris Nowan, a sixth year Slytherin. As far as I know, her twin sister Lydia is not involved at all. I do not know much about the extent of her involvement. And Tasha Thomas, a first year Hufflepuff.” This time the feeling of guilt was unmistakeable as he understood just how much he had begun the destruction of an 11-year-old’s simple life. Introducing her to the Mage because he had seen the potential of a metamorphmagus to the cause of staying in his mistress’ good books... Now he had seen the error of his ways, to use a horrible cliché, he was certainly seeing the err in that judgement. “She has only just been recruited, so there is a chance she might be persuaded back.”
His mind wandered a little, ironically to the same thoughts D’rorah was going through... what the other lightfighters would think of this latest development. Keaira, he would just have to avoid. Although, if she was planning to keep everyone together during the holidays, that could prove difficult... “If I have not blatantly changed sides, will you still wish me to stay together with the other lightfighters during the holiday? Or will that not be necessary if Dark Phoenix is not actively seeking to... punish me?” He was not as convinced that they would accept him as she was, due to his past encounters with a few of them.
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