Anticipation (Dylan & Dee)

[Dylan Cooper]

Since his conversation with Kerridon the night previously, he had thought of nothing else but finding D'rorah. Unfortunately, since he had awoken this morning, he hadn't seen or heard anything concerning her whereabouts. It was the start of the weekend, so he couldn't find her in classes, and he hadn't seen her in the Great Hall for breakfast, though he had doubted that would actually happen. She hadn't been in the kitchens around that time either, nor had she been in the common room or library. Feeling that after all the times they had been uncomfortably thrust into each other's company since he had started to feel a lot less angry, he found it highly annoying that the one time he wanted to, needed to, find her, was the one time he simply could not. He had, however, figured that at some point she would come up for some training, and hence had settled himself in the chamber room from which the five Elemental rooms branched off. He had wanted to avoid finding her in this room for one very good, extremely good reason, but there was nothing for it. He did not want to wait.

Of course, the last time he had waited for her in this room, it had been for a completely different reason, and one he was trying exceptionally hard to forget right now. He realised that if he could commit such crimes, then he should have to remember them very well, and to feel remorse and pain for them. However, he also wanted to function today, in order to say what he needed to say, and giving in to that pain would render him, once again, completely useless. After their last little meeting in the common room, for example, he had been rather a wreck; in fact, he thought that had been the last time he'd seen her. Feeling slightly concerned, he then quickly assumed that she was probably just avoiding him. He couldn't really blame her whatsoever if she was.

He would need to talk rather quickly once she got here; if she even did, that was. Walking in to see him sitting there, just as he had been the night he had attacked her, would probably not have her reacting favourably. Considering this, he stood up but remained in plain sight of the entrance, not wanting to startle her by emerging from a shadowy corner, either. Annoyed that things were like this, that he had to be so hesitant, so edgy around her, he hoped that that situation might be changed, if only marginally, very soon. Almost excited but not wanting to get his hopes up about what her reaction might be, he began to pace slightly, eager to tell her what he had discovered; or rather, what Kerridon had discovered and passed onto him.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah had taken to spending her time at her cottage in Hogsmeade of late. It had become too difficult to get any work done at Hogwarts. The library was busy as the end of the year approached and students were busily studying for the upcoming exams. The gardens were full of interruptions... and the weather didn't always cooperate with her. Even the common room was a shaky prospect as all the tables seemed to be taken up with groups of students studying. Of course, this being Ravenclaw house, studying was not just an activity, but an olympic sport. She had no desire to interrupt any of the groups or to try seeking out a space for herself. She never really considered the prospect of running into Dylan again. It was in the back of her mind that he might soon look for an opportunity to strike again, having perhaps lulled her into no longer being scared of him with his speech in the common room the other day.

She had spent a good deal of time simply flying about that day and thinking about his words. It seemed so implausible... a potion causing anything so severe. Besides, after all the humiliation and pain she had gone through, she had little desire to lay eyes on him. She could no longer think of his face without seeing that rage. They had dealt with a raging anger like that once before, but D'rorah attributed it to her a lapse in her own mental barriers after an argument over Dylan bringing Katherine Knightswood into the circle of the Lightfighters. There had been a bit of violence on both of their parts that night... but it had all ended well that night. Perhaps the two were not related at all, but it was enough to plant a shadow of doubt in her mind.

She and Sam had become accustomed to training in the mornings. This morning, however, she had canceled, preferring instead to push ahead in her research to finish a text she was particularly engrossed in. She had no intention of going to the Room of Requirement, but changed her mind halfway through the morning. She wanted the physical release of training, and wanted to feel the Wind as the blade sliced through it and ruffled her hair. These were the thoughts in her head as she made her way up to the sixth floor and into the room. She opened the heavy door and immediately stopped short as she noted Dylan standing in the anteroom. Where she normally would have made haste to get through the door so that no one might walk by and see her, she did not close it behind her. Part of her wanted to simply turn and walk away. She could train anytime. Part of her, however, defiantely wanted to do the training she had come for. Tensed, she stepped through and allowed the door to close behind her. She would have her training today, and wouldn't allow Dylan to run her off.

[blue]"I intend to go to my Elemental Room,"[/blue] she remarked shortly, [blue]"and you would be unwise to hinder me."[/blue] Perhaps that was short enough and to the point. She had no desire to linger here any longer than necessary, so turning her attention to the door on the other side of the table, she began walking around the chamber, headed for the room with the symbol with Wind cared into it.

[Dylan Cooper]

After an hour or so he began to debate his presence here. Perhaps she simply wasn't coming, but then where else could she be? A million other places, he was sure, but where she could and would be were completely different matters. He knew her... well, he thought he did, and he assumed there were a few places she would simply not be, that could be eliminated from the long list of Hogwarts areas. But apparently, she was not here either. True, it had only been an hour, but he simply didn't have the energy to go looking for her all over again, only to be disappointed at each stage. He never considered the fact that she might have left the school grounds, however.

Not quite ready to give up yet, he felt his stomach rumble and ignored it. It had been doing that a lot lately, chastising him for not feeding it properly; but this was far, far more important. It would simply have to wait. Just as he thought this, the main entrance door opened. Holding his breath quite without realising it, he was pleased to see that it wasn't a false alarm; it was in fact the Shadow Warrior of Wind. After waiting for so long and being so eager to talk to her, you would think that freezing up would be the last thing to occur. However, the body was a wondrous thing.

He couldn't possibly fail to notice that she had tensed herself at the sight of him, and remained standing exactly where she was. Even if he hadn't seen, he could have assumed she might, given their last few meetings in here. Opening his mouth to try and unstick his tongue from the back of his throat, he found she had beaten him to it. Remaining quiet as she spoke, he nodded once, silently. He would not stop her; doing so would be foolish beyond insanity, because he was almost positive that if she was coming to train, she possessed her swords. "Dee... D'rorah," he said quietly, having used her nickname perhaps out of habit, but quickly reverting to a more formal usage. "I don't want to stop you, I just want to talk to you," he added, his voice soft.

"It wasn't me..." he said, desperate for her to listen. "I mean, it was, clearly it was. But it wasn't. I know there's no shifting the blame for what I did to you, and I'm so sorry, but that potion... it influenced me," he stopped then, thinking that word didn't perhaps describe it quite enough. "No, it drove me, to do what I did. You know me, you know I would never... I would never hurt you, do those things to you. How could I?" he said quietly.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah found herself disarmed by the quiet voice that replied to her own cold tone. She eyed the speaker warily, unsure or whether or not she really wanted to believe that he only wanted to talk. At least, this time, she was armed and fully prepared to protect herself, not already exhausted from training as she had been several weeks ago when she had found Dylan waiting for her in this room.

Whether she wanted to listen or not, it seemed Dylan was intent on forging ahead and was already speaking to her. She stood stone still as he spoke, her face cold and emotionless as a million things went through her mind. Why indeed would he have done such a thing? It was a question she had asked him repeatedly in the months that he had tormented her. The potion... he came back once again to the potion. She recalled that Kerridon had said it was tainted with Shadow Magic, but her logical mind still wanted to push the explanation away.

If he had not, in fact, been responsible for his actions for that long period of time, what did that mean for her? For them? If it was true, that would mean he hadn't been the one intending to drive her away... nevertheless, she had been driven away. And the final push in the common room had only served to push her into Kerridon's arms. And what would that mean for them? Their new relationship had come very far since they had met... but then neither was the type to ever do anything half-heartedly.

[blue]"How can I believe you, Dylan? What proof do you offer? All I have is the word of someone who has been trying his best to crush and humiliate me for the past several months. And if it is true, it only makes things more complicated. Everything has changed... things are different now..."[/blue] she trailed off regretfully. [blue]"You came back and you were avoiding me... and then you were so cruel... and there was only so much I could endure without breaking,"[/blue] she explained, hating the tears she could already feel forming in her eyes. [blue]"I begged, I pleaded, I even tried searching your mind for some plausible explanation and I could not find anything. And now... now when I have finally found a way to begin healing, you are here telling me that it was not your fault... and I feel like you expect things to suddenly return to the way they were before, but how can that happen? I had to change, I had to adapt, in order to survive. I am not the same person who was here before you left because you broke me into pieces and I was forced to rebuild them. And the person who was here, watching me, keeping me safe, and helping me rebuild..."[/blue] she trailed off. She knew her relationship with Kerridon was a secret, but she also knew Dylan had already seen them together in the Room of Requirement. [blue]"I cannot simply abandon him now that we have come to mean so much to one another..."[/blue] she finished quietly. [blue]"You had Amy for the past several months and I was left with no one. You were the only family I had left,"[/blue] she blinked as the tears finally came to a head and fell silently down her cheeks. [blue]"And if what you say is true, I do not know what to do.... how do I know it was the potion and not some strange event like that night outside the common room after we argued about Katherine Knightswood? How am I supposed to trust anything you say now and know it isn't all a ploy to make me feel safe again so that you can break me again?"[/blue]

She watched him, hoping he would have answers to her questions. Any way she worked it out in her head, the equation was painful for her. She loved Kerridon... she had loved Dylan very deeply. She had been prepared to spend the rest of her life with him, but she didn't know if she could return to that place after all that had happened. It was all very confusing and stressful... but then, if what he was saying was true, she supposed that had been the intention of the Mage all along. [blue]"How do you even know it was the potion? I have never heard of a potion that caused such severe reaction... and isolated to only one person. It simply does not make sense."[/blue]

[Dylan Cooper]

He knew by her expression that she didn't trust him, and he fully expected and understood that. It didn't make it much more pleasant, however; how had things possibly come this far between them? This... whatever it was, that had happened, might have driven her away from him forever, and he would not stop until things were right again. Her expression was nothing short of cold as he spoke, but he ploughed on anyway. She had to know; things had to be set right. As he concluded, he waited with baited breath for her response, but almost wish it had never come. His face fell terribly, and as much as he wished he could control it, he simply could not. The last thing he wanted, however, was for her to feel guilty at his reaction; she in no way deserved that. She stated that things would be less complicated if he was simply the biggest jerk in the world and his heart sank; clearly, Kerridon meant a lot to her, a lot more than he had expected. A little part of him expected that with what they had shared... well, that she would only love him, just as he only loved her. Apparently, that was not to be.

Swallowing with some difficulty, he allowed her to finish uninterrupted. She continued to confirm her obviously strong feelings for the other Ravenclaw and then she said something that caused him to feel more pain than he had since regaining such feelings of guilt over what he had done. The only family I had left. Making a small, noncommital noise at that comment, he saw the tears beginning in her eyes and fought the urge to produce some of his own. Turning his face to the side slightly, anywhere but on her, things went, if possible, from dreadful to even more dreadful. She mentioned, of course, the night they had fought over Katherine, and he felt a lump the size of a tennis ball form in his throat. It made it quite impossible to talk or do much of anything at this point; it was all he could to do keep the tears that threatened from spilling down his cheeks. Feeling a great need to fidget with his hands, he found nothing to keep them occupied, and knew he owed her some answers.

"I know things won't... can't be like before. I know I've hurt you," he said quietly, attempting and somewhat succeeding to stem the overwhelming flow of guilt that was begging to surge through him. Guilt would do him no good right now, he needed to be sensible when he was talking with her. "I... I understand that you have feelings for him... strong feelings." He was forced to stop talking at that point, at least on that particular subject, and his eyes were far away from hers as he said it. Clearing his throat a little and unable to keep the mournful expression from his face as his mind lingered on that thought, his words continued on nonetheless. "I spoke to Kerridon as soon as I could after our last conversation... He told me that potion influenced the behavioural area of the brain. Like the area that makes someone act like they don't normally act. I thought I had come from St Mungo's... straight from St Mungo's. But I came back with Kerridon, and he assures me we came from the Shadow Realm... I don't remember," he admitted quietly, his eyes rising once more. "I don't remember that at all, and I get back and instantly it's only you that I've changed towards? Only you, the leader of the Lightfighters, the Shadow Warrior of Wind? Dee, you have to believe that it wasn't me. Talk to Kerridon, and you'll see. Since he took that potion off me, I got a replacement lot from the school nurse, and ever since I've stopped acting like that. You might have feelings for someone else, but that doesn't mean you can ignore this. I did not do those things of my own intention, D'rorah."

His voice had gradually been worked up as he spoke, willing her to believe him. If she didn't, she was free to talk to Kerridon, someone she did not believe would lie to her. If he were the one to tell her, perhaps then she would believe. "I... what happened that night we argued was inexcusable, and irreprable. But this person that's been in my body for the last few months, it's not me," he added quietly, saying his peace. She could choose to ignore his words, to pretend that he had simply begun to detest her for no reason whatsoever, and live a happy existance with Kerridon. Or she could accept that everything he said made sense, it all fitted. The choice was obviously up to her, but Dylan knew that she was too intelligent to ignore the truth simply to make life easier.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah could see Dylan's face fall as she began to spoke and it wrenched her own heart. He always had been so open with his emotions... easily read, easily goaded to change his emotions. Unless he was depressed, that was... no, she supposed it was more accurate to say that he was particularly susceptible to downward swings and spirals. Would losing her cause him to go into a new spiral? Would it endanger him or the other Lightfighters? Suddenly, that was an entirely new concern. If everything he was saying was true, she would have to be careful about that. She knew in the back of her mind that it shouldn't be a consideration, but she couldn't help but think of it. Her duty was to keep the Lightfighters together at all costs. She understood all too well people had warned against relationships.

She listened to him as he explained having gotten the information from Kerridon. He would certainly know how easily she would be able to verify that claim, so it would not have made sense to lie about it. And Kerridon would not make a statement like that about the potion unless it were true. And as he explained, she knew she should have seen the warning signs. Looking back, she could clearly see that Dylan's behavior towards her was quite out of character. But she had been blinded by his cruelty... and she had been blinded by her own thoughts for all those months that he deserved better than her.

And now that she could see the warning signs in hindsight, she felt crushing, overwhelming guilt. She had fallen into the arms of someone else instead of remaining faithful to her own commitment. But she hadn't realized at the time. These two thoughts warred with each other in her head, causing her to feel worse. And then, there was the strange pull Dylan had on her emotions, driving her to feel the loss and guilt he was feeling as well, only compounding the problem further. Suddenly, she didn't feel worthy of either one of them... knowing she would have to choose one over the other. Forcing herself to remain calm, she held an emotionless expression on her face, though inside she was being ripped to a shreds by her own thoughts.

She didn't want to be around anyone right now. Seeing Dylan only made her feel stupid and guilty... and brought to mind all of the awful things she had endured of late. And thinking of Kerridon made her feel guilty as well. And the combination of the two reminded her that they would both need answers. She hated her heart. She wished she could rip it out and throw it into a fire. Then there would be nothing left to feel this pain or cause all of this controversy. As Caitlin had done the other day, she wished for the emotionless freedom of Shadow Form... but she knew better than to give into that desire. There was no one around to pull her back.

[blue]"I do not know what to do,"[/blue] she remarked finally. [blue]"Perhaps I was right when we first me, at the beginning of the year. It is simply too dangerous for anyone to be around me. I seem to only spread more misery as each day goes by..."[/blue] her words trailed off and she could feel her emotionless facade breaking down. Another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks and she turned to head to her Elemental Chamber. She wanted to get out of this situation. She didn't want to make this decision now. She didn't want to think about any of this right now. Unfortunately, she could think of nothing else. She approached the door with the Symbol of Wind carved on it, desperate for some sort of haven.

[Dylan Cooper]

Hopeful that his mention of Kerridon would at least let her believe he was not lying, he waited in anticipation, unsure of whether or not he really wanted a reply. He was half-fearful that she would reject him, and he supposed that really such a reality would not be without it's own hateful brand of irony; but he wished more than anything that she would not. He did not want to hurt her, and he truly believed that he could make her happy again like he once had. He did not know fully how she felt about Kerridon, but he did know how they had felt about each other... How he still felt. He would not give that up, not while there was a chance; and selfish it might seem, but he also believed that if she came out of this with him, then she could be whole again - not broken into pieces and repaired, but truly mended.

His heart unwilfully on his sleeve, he was hesitant about offering any reactions, in case he upset her. She was a grown woman, and did not need to be coddled; he knew that. But he also knew that she had been through a lot lately, a lot that she should never have had to endure. For that pain he would make those responsible suffer; he was just glad that he was no longer the sole cause of it. Hardening himself for whatever reply she chose, he found that what actually came from her was entirely unexpected, and threw him off more than a little bit. His eyes creased only in worry as she spoke. "Dee..." he said, prepared to counter her statement that she spread misery and only caused pain. His remaining words were cut off, however, as a fresh set of tears leaked down her cheeks, and she turned toward her Elemental room.

Panicking slightly within himself, he knew that he could not leave her in this state. Whatever had happened within her in the last minute or so, she didn't seem to find him a threat any longer, but he was still slightly wary. He did not want to intrude into her space if she was still edgy around him, still in doubt; but there was also no possibility whatsoever of him leaving her like this. He took a few steps toward her as she approached the room, intending fully to follow her should she enter, but before she did he caught her arm only lightly. The last thing he wanted was to startle her or scare her, but his touch was so unlike it had been over the last few months; so much gentler and softer, despite his still rough hands. "D'rorah, you are right a lot of the time, you're one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. But that idea is just stupid," he said quietly, his voice barely more than a whisper and his eyes saying even more than his words could. "How could you know? I didn't even know," he said, a tiny smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Unsure but not hesitant, he slowly enfolded her into a hug, prepared to release his hold on her should she give any sign that she was uncomfortable or untrusting of him still. "We are in a war; everyone is in danger. Being with you, feeling the way I felt... feel about you, it only made me stronger when I had to face that war," he admitted quietly.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

Dee... that small sign of such familiarity. There were few people who called her by that name with her approval. Typically, she preferred D'rorah. Dylan had been one of the few exceptions, and hearing the name from him again was enough to close up her throat. However, she was already heading in the direction of the Elemental room of Wind. All she wanted was to get away. Her life had become far too complicated. This was why she had spent so much time in her books. They were not complicated. They never disappeared only to return full of scorn and then mysteriously claim to love you again. They were never jealous if you had other books in your bookcase. They never placed any claim over your life unless you allowed yourself to become lost in them.

Her hand was on the door to her chamber when Dylan caught her arm lightly. Tensing, she stopped short, her hand still on the handle, poised to open the heavy door with the symbol for Wind carved into it. She couldn't deny that his touch now felt wholly different from the way it had felt the last time he had reached out to her... but she still found herself unable to relax.

[blue]"I feel stupid,"[/blue] she replied as he stated that the idea of her spreading misery was stupid. Indeed, she did. It didn't matter to her that Dylan hadn't known what was happening. It was her job to know. Of course, it was a self-appointed job... and perhaps it was foolish to expect omniscience, but someone had to be paying attention, right? She remained stiff as he gathered her into a hug, unable to figure out the proper response to the gesture at the moment. She pulled back after he had finished speaking, watching him with wide eyes. What did the world expect of her? Why had she put herself in the position of having to choose between two men? All she could hear in her head as he spoke was the rage from before... all she could picture in her mind as he had wrapped her in a hug was the humiliation in the common room.

The scenes wouldn't go away. [blue]"I needed strength to face you while you were under the influence of that potion... and what if..."[/blue] she trailed off for a moment, angrily raking away a new tear that had slipped down her cheek. [blue]"How can I know that the potion did not simply bring to light what you really thought?"[/blue] she finished after a moment. [blue]"I hate the pedestal you used put me on... I never felt I deserved it. It only ever left room for me to disappoint you. You did your best to idealize me, never fully accepting my past, my research with Unforgivable Curses. Perhaps the potion was just a vehicle to finally vent that disappointment in what I am."[/blue] She took another deep breath, trying to calm herself. [blue]And the pull you have on my emotions is dangerous for me. Look at me now! I am a mental and emotional wreck. A telepath cannot weather all of these extreme changes in emotion so well."[/blue]

Even now, she knew she would be meditatin for a long time to re-center herself after this confrontation. [blue]"What has happened is not fair to either of you,"[/blue] she remarked quietly as she took another step closer to the door. [blue]"If you had no control over the potion, I cannot logically hold you reponsible for everything that has happened. You and Kerridon are both innocent, it seems... and yet I am now tasked with breaking away from one of two people who are important to me."[/blue] She couldn't picture herself ever returning to the way things had been before with Dylan. She couldn't see herself ever being open to him as she had before... not after he had taken all of that information and turned it back against her. While a part of her felt bound by duty to honor the commitment she had made to Dylan the night of the Valentine's dance, another part of her yearned for the steadfast security and calm she felt with Kerridon.

The two were quite opposite, really... she had on the one hand, Dylan, who wore his emotions on his sleeve, and was susceptible to rapid changes in emotion. Dylan, who placed her on a pedestal and was shocked to hear of the deeds of her darker forays into academia at Falstaff's. And then she had Kerridon, who hid his emotions from the world, and was so stoic that it was nearly frustrating at time. Kerridon, who accepted her darker side without comment because he had his own dark past to contend with. Dylan, who had felt insecure when she had first attempted to keep their relationship secret and who hadn't seen the need for secrecy when they had first met. And Kerridon, who readily accepted that they could not even so much as think of one another while they were at Hogwarts for the safe of their own safety. Dylan, whose mother hated D'rorah and had tried to drive her away several times... and Kerridon, who like D'rorah, had no living family... but whose father had been the lead in attacking her own family... and attacking D'rorah herself.

[blue]"Nothing is the same anymore, and I am terribly confused. I know you think it should be easy to simply return to the way things were before, but it is not so easy for me now. You pushed me away... and he is the reason I survived everything I was forced to endure. After the confrontation in the common room, he is the one who rescued me from the grounds and carried me to safety so I would not be picked off by some stray Shadow after sunset. After you came back and rejected me, demanding I return your ring, he is the one who noticed my absence and forced me back into the world of the living instead of simply allowing me to waste away as I so desperately wanted."[/blue] She felt a fresh tear slip down her cheek. [blue]"I have already mourned losing you, Dylan."[/blue]

[Dylan Cooper]

As he hugged her it was, needless to say, awkward. She felt slightly less stiff than a board, but that difference, he felt, was only marginal. He expected it, however, and by now had no real delusions that she was falling into his waiting arms any time soon; the D'rorah he knew would not show that she needed anyone that much unless she absolutely had to. He pulled back, slightly tense, unsure of what was going to happen. She spoke after only a moment or two of silence, however. Her words did nothing to alleviate his worry, not that they should, but only happened to super-impose it, to make it worse. Realising only now that what she was saying was true, he knew that he had not intended his continued faith and reassurance in her to be a negative thing; to be a pedestal from which she could so easily fall. Truthfully, he had simply not considered that aspect of it before, but nor had he been enlightened before now, when he might have had more power to change that fact.

He allowed her to continue unchallenged; keeping his silence as she spoke. She moved a step closer to the door and he refrained from blocking her way, knowing that his own room offered peace and calm, and suspecting that was something she very much needed right now. When finally she finished, he found himself momentarily lost for words, but recovered quickly in light of the situation. He spoke softly and witheld himself from holding her as he did so; clearly they were not quite at that point yet. "If I had thought those things about you, D'rorah, I would not feel the way about you that I so clearly do." He did not use the word 'love' furthermore, feeling that a toned down version of those words would serve to concern her less. It was a tiny thing, but he felt that every bit probably counted very much. "If I put you on a pedestal, I apologise, it was not my intention to make you feel undeserving," he added softly, truly sorry.

"And for your information, this isn't fair on anyone, including you. I believe the idea of that would have Dark Phoenix celebrating; no doubt partly the idea behind such a concoction." She appeared to be worried about how she could not live up to expectations, and how hard this must be on the two boys, but not once did he hear her concerned about herself. He considered she would be better off for being at least marginally more concerned about herself, but found no way to overcome her self-deprecating nature anytime soon. He had always tried to inform her of what he had seen, since she had never seen anything worth mentioning in herself; but apparently that had been putting her on a pedestal. He would avoid that by and large at this point. "And even if you can't logically hold me accountable, I'd still find it hard to believe if you didn't. To your eyes, I did do those things to you, and that could never be easy to overcome or even face - whatever is to happen, Dee, it is no easy path for you, and I wish that walking away were an option for me. I wish that I could just fade and have you know me only in memories, so that you could live a happier existance with Kerridon..." His voice faded slightly as he spoke, but his eyes attempted to find hers. "But I can't. I'm committed, and that ring still means more to me than anything else in the world. I know... I know you have mourned me already. But maybe now you can celebrate my return...? The return of someone who loves you, and who once upon a time you loved just the same. You mourned me, Dee, but you never, ever lost me," he concluded, his voice steady and unwavering. It was not harsh, but more as if he was giving an empowered speech.

His eyes fixed to her, he wondered if he had gone too far, too quickly. Whatever he had done... it was over now. She could either accept it, or refuse it and continue to move on; an easier road perhaps, but would it truly be the one she wished to take? He waited for some kind of reply, any kind of response, but would give her the time she needed to collect it. This was by no means easy for her, he knew, and he respected that - but he would not walk away from the woman he loved, not like this, unless she asked it of him.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah listened to Dylan's impassioned reply without speaking. This was the Dylan she remembered, always full of emotion and passion. It was one of the things that had, at times, either gone very well with her own quiet, unemotional nature... and had at other times clashed with it strongly. She dismissed his addition that it wasn't fair to her. She was the very one who had put herself in this situation, having to decide which one of two people to disappoint when both meant so much to her. Dylan was probably right though, Dark Phoenix would certainly be celebrating the current turn of events when she found out... except that she couldn't be allowed to find out. Kerridon's safety depended on the fact Dark Phoenix's ignorance of their relationship.

She eyed him carefully as Dylan stated that he wished he could simply fade away and allow her to be happy with Kerridon. [blue]"My relationship with Kerridon must remain a secret,"[/blue] she remarked quietly, slipping into his speech quietly. [blue]"It would be dangerous for both of us if anyone found out... it was an inexcusable lapse in our vigilance that you saw us the other day..."[/blue] she trailed off. [blue]"Knowing what I know now, I apologize that that was the way you found out..."[/blue] she trailed off, lowering her eyes a bit.

Yes, this was certainly Dylan, passionate and vocal about it. She waited as he finished his speech, restraining the urge to shake her head as he finished. She wanted to celebrate his return. He was important to her... he was important to the Lightfighters. Her only difficulty was that she didn't think she loved him romantically anymore. After everything that had happened, she wasn't sure if those old feelings would ever return. How could that be? How could something she was so sure would last forever have disappeared so quickly? Was she even certain it had disappeared?

You mourned me, Dee, but you never, ever lost me."

[blue]"Perhaps I have lost myself,"[/blue] she replied sadly. Her hand trembled on the door handle as she brought her eyes to him. [blue]"The D'rorah Philosophy you knew so many months ago does not seem to have survived the past several months intact."[/blue] She recalled recently having come to the realization of how much she had changed since losing her parents. It was disturbing and it saddened her to think that her parents, if they were alive today, might not even recognize their own daughter after the heavy toll the war had taken on her. Even as she was standing there, more tears found their way down her cheeks. Why did he have such pull on her emotions? Why couldn't she control herself now? She pulled the door open, thinking she could slip away to meditate before she broke down completely. Her hand trembled slightly as the heavy door inched its way open and her shoulders tensed as she tried to hold back a sob. [blue]"I need time to think,"[/blue] she managed, her voice breaking slightly.

[Dylan Cooper]

He nodded in response to her comments about Kerridon. He knew already that whatever they had must remain a secret - if Phoenix had any idea that the older boy had not only switched sides, but fallen for the Lightfighters leader, it would have dire consequences. Perhaps only for Kerridon, but he didn't really dislike him enough to do something like that; they also needed all the allies they could get, because they were very much in short supply. Whatever he thought of the other Ravenclaw, he had helped D'rorah when she had perhaps most needed it. He had saved her when Dylan could not have, and he would always be grateful for that fact. He glided over her apology of how he had discovered this truth, unwilling to particularly think about it at the moment.

As she finally replied once more, he swallowed with immense difficulty and turned his eyes down to the stone floor below only briefly. Very quickly, however, they were raised once more to find hers upon him. He saw very clearly the tears rolling once more down her face and yearned to brush them away, but restrained himself given the circumstances. He also noticed that her hand was trembling on the door, and knew this was anything but easy for her. He hated that it was so, and wished there was a way for him to ease the pain for her, but knew there was not. All he could do was be here, if she wanted him around that was, and he would see about that soon enough. Her voice broke noticeably and he wondered if she meant simply 'time to think' or 'time to think alone' in her statement. As she didn't specify, he thought she looked as if she could use some company, and he would still not leave her.

"The D'rorah Philosophy I knew... well, she might be gone," he said quietly, his eyes searching for hers. "But that doesn't mean the new one can't fall for me all over again, does it?" he questioned, a slight smile on his features. "Dee... you don't need to do this alone," he added, his voice continuously soft, indicating that he would follow her into the chamber of Wind if she would allow him. He didn't know what would happen; perhaps she was right, and she was a completely different person, someone who might not even love him. But maybe she was wrong, for once. Either way, he would not give up. The idea that he simply could not be a part of her life was intollerable, and he would do his utmost to ensure that didn't happen - there was only so much he was capable of, however. Only time would tell, he guessed.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah never thought to explicitly state that she needed time to think alone. It didn't cross her mind that Dylan would follow her... but then, he was still thinking as though they were together. And, had they been, she certainly would have wished for the comfort of his presence during such a difficult time. Of course, had they been together, she would not have the dilemma currently before her to ponder. His next words caused her lip to twitch uncertainly as she watched him.

Dylan wouldn't give up on seeing them back together. That made sense. He was devoted to the girl he had pledged his life to just before disappearing. It bothered her that she was not so devoted. She had never before thought herself fickle of heart or capable of changing affections so quickly. But then, she had been adapting to her current reality at the time. From her point of view, Dylan had moved on to Amy... he had hated D'rorah. Though D'rorah was stubborn, she wasn't one to waste energy on what had so clearly been a lost cause. Or at least, she wasn't one to use any more energy than she had... which was quite a lot, now that she reflected on it.

She remembered falling in love with Dylan, but it felt like a distant memory. She remembered it the way she remembered being five years old and having her parents discover she was a telepath. She remembered it the way she remembered Robert Parker tormenting her with a creepy jiggly hex one day when she had been coming out of the library in her third year at Falstaff's. It was clear, but it felt far away from her current reality. [blue]"The new D'rorah Philosophy, like the old one, seems bound by the commitments her heart has made,"[/blue] she replied quietly before turning and heading through the door into the room of Elemental Wind.

She didn't listen for the sound of Dylan following her, not thinking to consider that he might do such a thing. Obviously, she wasn't feeling her right self at the moment... if she was, she might have listened to hear for a sign of being followed. She might have been more observant of everything around her. But here, she was safe from outside danger, and she thought it safe to dispense with her usual vigilance. Tears streaming more quickly down her face, she broke into a run towards her willow tree, collapsing to her knees as she reached it and leaning forward against the trunk for support. She was already working to pull her emotions back under control. She needed meditation and time for reflection. She needed to think and figure out what had happened... and what she was going to do about the triangle she suddenly found herself in. She wanted her mother... certainly the older Philosophy would have had some kind of insight into D'rorah's current situation. She would have had kind words and a calming voice to offer, along with the sort of wisdom that only came with time. And yet, she had now only her tree and herself to try to scrape together the pieces of brokenness that afflicted her heart and try to figure out how to forge ahead.

[Dylan Cooper]

His heart skipping a beat as she spoke, it took him a moment to realise she was no longer before him. Coming to his senses and thinking very thoroughly about such a statement, that indicated she would not go against her heart... and her heart did not lean toward him. His eyes slightly wider than usual and finding himself speechless, he finally turned into the room of Wind and sought her out. Whatever she had said, she was clearly not in a great emotional space right now, and he would still not abandon her because she said something he didn't like. Realising that his persistent presence might do more harm than good, he thought it was worth the risk to at least try and comfort her. She looked and sounded as if she needed it.

He saw that she was not close by, and assumed she had not simply walked to the willow tree beneath which she had fallen. Recalling that the tree in his own room he usually gravitated toward was the same species, he felt that small fact was highly irrelevant at this point and urged it to ebb toward the back of his mind instead of taking up the valuable space at the front. His expression falling dramatically as he saw her more closely, collapsed onto her knees and leaning on the tree trunk for support, tears running down her cheeks, Dylan approached her quietly. He did take care to make a little bit of noise, however; she looked too caught up in her emotions to notice much else, and he did not want to startle her.

Ready to retreat to a more comfortable position should she prove awkward at his touch, he knelt down beside her, his knees coming to the soft grass beneath. "It'll be okay, Dee, just give it time," he said quietly, his voice soft. Wrapping his arms around her, his steady movements revealed none of his tense feelings toward the situation; if she chose Kerridon, then she chose Kerridon, and he would have to deal with that however he could. But until then, everything was entirely up in the air, and he would be here to comfort her if she needed it. From the looks of things, she needed it. Gently pulling her closer to him, free to let her do whatever she wished, Dylan whispered softly once more. "Just give it time."

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah barely heard Dylan's quiet approach as she sobbed against the tree. Trying to summon the will to pull herself together, she did not move at first as she approached. Hastily wiping away her tears, she remained facing the tree, only looking up at him as he knelt down beside her. What did he want? Couldn't he just let her fall apart in peace? She was despairing over one of the most difficult decisions she had ever made, and here he was, still pursuing after her. She didn't want to have to mourn him all over again.

It crossed her mind that perhaps she'd be better off just removing herself entirely from this very painful pasttime of love. It seemed so much simpler to have all the pain now from giving up both of them... and then she would never have to worry about it again. There would be no worrying about secrecy, about being found out, there would never again be worries that someone would be harmed just to get to her. She wouldn't have to worry about that tragic sense of loss is either of them died... no, that wasn't really correct. There would still be mourning to do if either Dylan or Kerridon died.

Before she realized it was happening, Dylan's arms were around her, and he was comforting her, telling her to give things time. She wasn't stiff this time, but she didn't respond immediately. She contemplated sending him away. It was when he pulled her closer to him that she finally rested her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to continue crying. His voice was so quiet and soft that it sent a chill down her spine to hear him. [blue]"Time is the one thing which seems to be very limited these days,"[/blue] she managed, her voice still sounding somewhat broken through her tears. [blue]"Did we not always count on time? Time to do things later, time to be together in peace..."[/blue] she trailed off, shaking her head slightly as she squeezed her eyes shut.

For several minutes, she simply allowed herself to cry. Despite that fact that she didn't feel that romantic love for Dylan any longer, she had to admit that it was nice to simply have someone around who cared. Now that he was no longer trying to kill her, he was a somewhat comforting presence as long as she didn't linger overly-long on the fact that his return meant she would be forced to choose between him and Kerridon.

Finally, she leaned back against the tree and regarded Dylan for a long time. She couldn't think of words to say... so she sat there silently, watching him and thinking.

[Dylan Cooper]

He saw her quickly wiping away the tears streaming inexorably down her face and he looked on her sadly, wishing she would not have to endure this kind of pain. As his arms moved around her he was glad and slightly happy, despite the circumstances, to feel that she did not tense as she had done the last time. Feeling slightly better, also, though assuming it didn't really mean much in the end, as she rested her head onto his shoulder, he continued to hold her, no longer speaking. She continued to cry and, after a while, spoke for the first time since entering the Elemental Room of Wind. His jaw tightened at her words and he remembered all too well thinking they had all the time in the world when they had been together. They had known about the war, obviously, and he had never been anything less than realistic; but he had always been hopeful, nevertheless. His eyes saddening at the thought that without warning, it had all been over, he felt a large obstruction form within his throat, rendering him quite speechless.

After that, she fell silent once more, except for the small sounds that were undeniably caused by more crying. Content to sit in silence as she let out what had either been building up for some time or had rushed upon her suddenly, he moved little. His hand rested lightly on her head as she leant into him and he waited it out patiently, his eyes glancing around the room but too pre-occupied to really take it in at all. He was sure that this was in fact the first time he had ventured in here since learning about the Shadow Wars and everything associated with them. He could appreciate the simplistic beauty in the place, and assumed all of the rooms would be similarly pleasant; his own certainly was. The only ones he might be slightly dubious about were the rooms of fire and metal, but only the smallest of curiosities tugged at him to discover what they might actually look like or contain.

He felt her finally begin to pull back and dropped both arms back to his sides; they were now seated very close to each other in more-or-less the same position, and she took the time, apparently, to simply watch him. He wasn't entirely sure if she was indeed watching him, persay, or simply looking at him as her mind went through all of the thoughts it needed to at the present moment. Whichever was the case, he did not feel awkward. Going from a kneeling to a sitting position on the ground, he raised his right knee into a 45 degree angle and brought the same arm to rest on it. Eventually, his right hand moved to cup his own chin, though his elbow remained firmly against his knee. Leaving it to her to choose whether or not to break the silence, he remained content to simply wait.