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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 11, 2008 11:09:45 GMT -5
As she stepped away, she didn’t see Susan stumble from the sudden movement, concentrating instead on the book that had accompanied the letter telling news of Mallan all those mornings ago. There was still that resentment there within her, at the rest of the ligtfighters and especially Dylan for not telling the Gryffindor about her house mate and ally. Not only had he witnessed Caitlin fall apart, he was also Susan’s Elemental Master. He was supposed to be close to her, look out for her, not keep any secrets from her. And yet still he hadn’t told her. Why? Had he not seen the need, had he not realised she would find out eventually anyway? He probably hadn’t realised it might end up being Caity who would tell his Shadow Warrior, but still, that was no excuse. He had a thousand reasons to tell her, but she couldn’t think of any as to why he would hide this information from her.
“Look. Are you doing that?”
Caitlin continued to stare at the pages until finally, all of them were dry. Not a mark was left, no stains, no dampness or creases. Just… as it was before. If she hadn’t felt the liquid being absorbed into the book herself, had she not seen it, she wouldn’t have believed that the water had reached it.
“I – I don’t know. What… what is it?” she asked cautiously, distracted at this new sign of magic. Was this… could this be the elemental magic she was supposed to have? Was it finally showing itself?
”Who’s is that?”
Caity’s gaze rose so she was facing Susan, meeting her in the eye to confirm her probably suspicions. “Mallan’s,” she said softly, not trying to hide it this time. There was no point, she couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there anymore. Maybe she might be able to offer some insight into what some of the later passages, especially that last one, were on about, because they rambled a far bit. “He c-couldn’t send letters, so he wrote this to give to me when he... when he got back. So I’d know what it was like. They sent it, with a letter, telling me w-what he’d done,” she explained further, her voice quivering as she spoke, stumbling over the occasional word. “But what he’s writing... what he was writing,” she corrected herself, her face covered in a frown, “it doesn’t make any sense. It’s just nonsense at the end, but I’m sure there’s something he’s trying to say, trying to get across. I just don’t know what,” she admitted miserably, acknowledging for the first time what was frustrating her so much. Mallan wasn’t the type... hadn’t been the type, to ramble on about nothing, making no sense. So why would he start writing letters like that? His handwriting even changed to mirror her own, and also someone else’s, at points in the last entry, and what was that about? She hadn’t even known he could mimic others’ handwriting... There was so much she didn’t know, should have asked, but would never get the chance now.
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Susan Matthews
Gryffindor
[red]5th Year Gryffindor[/red] Shadow Warrior of Earth
goddess, nymph, divine.
Posts: 505
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Post by Susan Matthews on Jun 18, 2008 11:44:28 GMT -5
[ooc- So sorry for the wait, my AP summer assignment is catching up with me . . . Anyway, I decided it was time for a break so here’s a post!]
As the pages of the small journal repaired itself miraculously, Caitlin seemed to be even more amazed than Susan. Susan watched as she flipped a few of the pages, all restored to their original states, still filled with the unruly scrawl and even at the end varying in consistency. As Caitlin claimed she had no idea what was going on, Susan was at once positive that the drying of the pages, the controlling on the spilt water was definitely of Caitlin’s doing.
“It’s you,” Susan said persistently, “It’s your elemental abilities.” As this was probably Caitlin’s first time experiencing the use of her abilities, and as Susan had never been able to control her own, she didn’t know what do say other than that was what was happening. She could no more tell her how to control it, or where this power was coming from than she could her own.
Alternatively, the conversation turned darker as Caitlin uttered Mallan’s name in response as to who had owned the diary. Susan listened with some confusion as Caitlin explained the purpose of the journal. What happened in the training that wouldn’t allow you to send letters? More than confused, Susan was curious. How she wanted to read the journal, to understand the mystery that was the training.
At the risk of sounding insensitive, Susan couldn’t help but ask, “What does it say?” She understood that the journal was written for Caitlin and that Mallan had probably not intended for anyone else to read it, but even Caitlin admitted that she did not understand all of what he had written. With the intent of being able to help, Susan wanted to know what was written on the parchment pages.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 20, 2008 8:52:03 GMT -5
Caity continued to flick through the pages until she reached the beginning, then changed direction and went to the end again. The dark red stains were obvious as to their identity and had not faded in the slightest since she’d first read the passage. The water had not done anything to affect it either. It was amazing, seeing the saturated parchment but then a moment later, it being fine. Even now magic could still surprise her. “It’s you, it’s your elemental abilities,” Susan insisted again, so that there was little doubt in Caity’s mind that she was right. After all, Susan was a long-standing lightfighter and should know what she was talking about. Doubtless she had witnessed lots of elemental magic on previous occasions, had probably performed such herself. “You’re... earth, right?” Caity inquired. She thought she was right, but then she could be misremembering. “What kind of elemental magic is that? Have you done lots before?” This sign that she actually was a true Shadow Warrior had prompted a degree of curiosity in her that was making itself heard. “I mean... I didn’t do it on purpose. Can you?” Susan seemed curious herself about the open book in Caitlin’s hands. But if she knew as little as Cait did about the training, then it was just natural that she’d want to know more. Especially considering she’d just found out that Mallan had been killed there. “What does it say?” She only considered for a moment. No one else had read it, but she couldn’t work it out for herself. Susan could offer new perspective on what it meant. Because at the end, it was certainly nothing like what Mallan had sounded like. She handed over the book on the open, yellowed pages of the last entry, with its tear and blood splatters decorating it. To my heart, my sun, my only star,
I am here… the words are drifting but I can hear them. My voice or yours; I know them. This pen fights to be free but I know I must bear it. You must see! The voices they are here… be quiet and do not fear… I am with you now. I can see you now. It drifts and you follow. My heart you hold and it bleeds… (illegible scribbling). Close your eyes! The dark! Can you see it consume the light… but the light is ever-present. My love, my heart of hearts, you cry and …(illegible darker scribbling) Watch, a third eye now bends and the colors they shift! A dark rift but do not fear… I am here. Their voices are taunting but I do not hear! I write to finish… no… no… No! (a word is drawn out into nothing and there is a break on the page before writing continues)
It fights! It burns! Who… are… you? You are not mine! (a few words in another language: a lullaby or chant from Dee’s memories) My star, my hope… I see you now… your eyes… (a hole in the paper from the pen) (Start Dee’s handwriting:) There is someone; you must be careful… ever careful. She watches with eyes among us. (:End Dee’s handwriting) It deteriorates; this world… it… no! It fights… it fights among itself… (Start Caitlin’s handwriting:) Peace… it calls out… I can here it’s voice… a voice of blinding light. It burns! I can do nothing. The euphoria… (:End Caitlin’s handwriting) The light… the wind… it scars… my room… my eyes! They swirl… I cannot see but before me… they are there! My walls are broken I cannot hear their voices. Father? No… Father? No… Three fathers… three mothers… No! These words are not to be…
If… only… (the last words trail off illegibly) It made no sense to her, and compared to the earlier entries in the book was completely illogical. Caitlin waited patiently to see whether Susan could shed any light on whatever it was he was trying to communicate.
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Susan Matthews
Gryffindor
[red]5th Year Gryffindor[/red] Shadow Warrior of Earth
goddess, nymph, divine.
Posts: 505
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Post by Susan Matthews on Jun 23, 2008 10:07:51 GMT -5
Caitlin flipped through the pages of the journal for a moment more, as if she still didn’t quite believe what she had done to dry the pages. Susan bit her lip gently as Caitlin turned to inquire about her own abilities. First she questioned as to their origin. Just thinking about her element although so very far from it down in the elf kitchens, brought a small sense of warmth to her. “Yes, I’m Earth,” Susan confirmed proudly. Susan didn’t blame her for questioning. As Caitlin has only recently become aware of her Shadow Warrior status and with the recent goings on, it was reasonable for her to doubt what she thought she had once knew. As Caitlin then asked for details on her form of elemental magic, Susan wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I suppose I should be able to manipulate soil, and stones, and other objects of Earth,” Susan said thoughtfully. “Once,” Susan answered, recounting, “when I was in the elemental room of Earth, I was able to produce a small field of daffodils.” She was then quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “I don’t remember making any conscious decision to grow the flowers. I simply wanted them, and they were there.” Upon thinking about it now, Susan was curious of her own abilities. If without thinking, she was able to grow flowers and Caitlin to dry soaked books, what could she do if she applied herself? She looked around the room quietly, seeing only stone walls and hard flooring. The only trace of something that had once been apart of Earth remained the wooden door and the bare table and chairs toward the middle of the room. Suddenly the mere thought of Earth wasn’t enough, and her feeling of calm from the Earth left as quickly as it had come.
Susan was surprised when Caitlin directly handed the journal to her. She had expected a synopsis or maybe an entry or two read aloud, but when a specific page was opened and laid out to be read, the gravity of the situation grew intensely. Holding the book carefully, Susan glanced at Caitlin, making sure she was alright with her reading such a personal account of feelings. But as she looked, Caitlin made no attempt to take the journal back, and said nothing else as Susan lowered her eyes to the blood and tear splattered pages.
Attempting to make sense of the messy scrawl, Susan found herself reading and rereading several of the lines. Close your eyes! The dark! Can you see it consume the light… but the light is ever-present. Was it a prophecy? A memory? Susan puzzled over the line for longer than necessary before moving on. She watched confused as the handwriting changed several times. First to a small neat print that could only belong to D’rorah, There is someone; you must be careful… ever careful. She watches with eyes among us. Could she be speaking of the mage? And then, astonishingly the words changed to a handwriting that was similar to Caitlin’s. Impossible, yet there it was, written amongst the blood and tears of Mallan’s last written words.
Looking up, she reread the line in Caitlin hand aloud, “Peace… it calls out… I can here it’s voice… a voice of blinding light. It burns! I can do nothing. The euphoria…” She paused, staring at the words of the journal in her hands, attempting to comprehend the meaning. “Did you write that?” Susan asked, placing a finger to the words and holding out the book for Caitlin to see. If Mallan did write the last entry while he was away, then it was completely impossible for two others to have written as well. But then, Susan thought, they were both connected to him, which explained the parental confusion toward the end. “Did you think it?” Susan questioned more realistically after some thought. She knew how sometimes without realizing it, she could project her thoughts to Dylan. Was the confusion of two Shadow Warriors too much? Oh, Susan thought as the epiphany occurred to her, and she understood the fullness of Caitlin’s grief at last.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 24, 2008 5:58:36 GMT -5
Caitlin nodded as Susan confirmed that she was the Shadow Warrior of Earth, although when she thought about it, it seemed obvious. She knew that the Gryffindor was linked to Dylan, and he had summoned a semblance of the Elemental Room of Earth when he had been comforting her, so of course Susan had to be Earth. Although it was a little confusing remembering all the different elements and who related to them. She and Gat were water, Dylan and Susan were earth, Keaira and Zee were metal, Dee and... well, no one at the moment as far as she was aware, but it had been Mallan, were wind. She knew the wind for certain, because he had taken her flying once... not on a broom, which she hated, but actually flying by controlling the wind and air currents around them. It had been a spectacular view of the grounds.
But anyway, she was sure there were five elements. What was the other one...? Ah yes, fire. Alessandro, and... no one, as well. Wysteria had been killed before she had even known about the Shadow Wars, so shouldn’t there be someone to replace her as well? She tried to avoid thinking about anyone replacing Mallan, but that was far more recent. Wysteria’s death had been months ago.
“Do you know... is there another Shadow Warrior of Fire yet?” Caity asked curiously, wondering if she’d missed out on this piece of knowledge somewhere along the line. In fact, she had probably replaced someone herself, but no one had been mentioned. “And was there a Shadow Warrior of Water before me? Who was it?” There must have been one recently, it was just a matter of whether they had been at Hogwarts among the other lightfighters. It was as if all the questions she’d thought of on previous occasions but had been too intimidated to ask Dee or Keaira, were being directed at Susan. The trouble was, Susan didn’t have the enormous fountain of knowledge that the other pair did, and despite being more approachable was less likely to know the answers to her questions.
“I suppose I should be able to manipulate soil, and stones, and other objects of Earth. Once, when I was in the elemental room of Earth, I was able to produce a small field of daffodils. I don’t remember making any conscious decision to grow the flowers. I simply wanted them, and they were there.”
“I didn’t mean to just now either,” Caitlin agreed, remembering her thoughts at the time. “It didn’t even occur to me that I might be able to do that, I just... I couldn’t let it be ruined by the water.”
Waiting, the Hufflepuff watched as the younger girl read the passage, the glimmer of hope she’d had disappearing when she saw Susan’s puzzlement. It had been a small chance that she might be able to offer some comprehension, but judging from her expression, it was also a futile idea.
“Peace… it calls out… I can here it’s voice… a voice of blinding light. It burns! I can do nothing. The euphoria… Did you write that?” Susan asked, pointing to the section written in her handwriting. She shook her head, and the Gryffindor, seeming to realise anyway that that wasn’t possible, asked again. “Did you think it?”
“No... at least, I don’t think so. I mean, peace... that’s what I want. I wish we didn’t have to fight this war, wish everyone could just get along. So I dunno, maybe Mallan realised that and subconsciously processed it... But he just sounds... like he didn’t know what he was writing. He sounds half-crazy or something, and...” She let out a hopeless sigh, her shoulders sagging from the effort of trying to explain her musings on the subject. “I just don’t know. And that’s driving me crazy.”
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Susan Matthews
Gryffindor
[red]5th Year Gryffindor[/red] Shadow Warrior of Earth
goddess, nymph, divine.
Posts: 505
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Post by Susan Matthews on Jun 24, 2008 8:50:36 GMT -5
Caitlin must have been going through all of the known lightfighters in her thoughts. While Susan was acquainted with all of them at one point, it pained to think of most. Dylan and Caitlin of course formed no burden on her mind, and the Shadow Warrior of Wind, she was indifferent to. Keaira hadn’t done anything particularly upsetting, but neither of them had bumped into each other often. Maybe it was the face that she was aligned with her Elemental Master, Zane. Zane, who hurt Dylan. Susan couldn’t imagine another adjectival clause to fit in that sentence. As far as Susan was concerned, he is no one else.
Dismissing the Elemental Master of Metal, Susan’s thoughts were drawn to fire, much as Caitlin was. It saddened her to think of Alessandro, as most things he no longer remembered. So many times, they had bumped into each other, and he’d helped her out so much. Susan found it difficult to believe he’d just forgotten. And with Alessandro came—
But Caitlin interrupted her thoughts with an inquisition as to who the new Shadow Warrior of Fire was.
Wysteria. Susan finished. She often found herself forgetting that she was dead. Several months have passed, and it stilled pained her to think of the kind Hufflepuff as gone forever. When thinking about it, Wysteria must have been the very first person she met on her first day at Hogwarts. She sighed softly, figuring none of the others she’d met that day with her yellow shoes, would neither remember nor care. As she thought about it, the yellow flats here in her trunk somewhere still, but she couldn’t quite remember. She hadn’t worn them since.
At last replying to Caitlin, Susan said dismally, “I still find it hard to believe she’s dead.” She trailed off a moment, failing to come up with anyone who might have shown themselves as a possible substitute. “Truthfully,” Susan replied after a moment, “Professor Kade was the only Elemental Master I knew to be replaced.” Susan had more to say but stopped. Surely Caitlin knew the one to replace Mordred had been Mallan. And now they were in need of and Elemental Master of Wind, and the Shadow Warrior of Fire had been long overdue. It was strange it was taking so long for the new fire warrior to appear.
Mirroring after Caitlin’s last question, Susan pondered who she might have replaced. Of course there had to have been someone before her. She vaguely remembered her Elemental Master of Earth before she’d met Dylan. It was the Divinations Professor, but she hadn’t been aware of his status as Elemental Master until after he was gone. She wasn’t sure what ever happened to him, and she could hardly remember if the two of them ever realized they were paired before he left.
Her utterly depressing thoughts were not helped by the fact that Caitlin had not written, nor specifically thought the words written in her hand. Susan felt helpless, attempting to solve the puzzle that made everything only more puzzling. Susan looked up as Caitlin elaborated on her original “no”. She explained that while she did not think it, it was definitely her philosophy, which had to mean something. Or maybe it was nothing. Exactly as Caitlin said next, But he just sounds... like he didn’t know what he was writing.
“Maybe that’s just it,” Susan had to say, as dismal as it was, “what if it doesn’t mean anything.” Not quite wanting to, but realizing there was nothing visible on the page to unlock the puzzle, Susan carefully returned the journal to Caitlin. Without needing a clock, to realize how late it actually was, Susan was suddenly exhausted. It wasn’t just the fatigue from the previous day that weighed her down, but mostly her thoughts. Despite her exhaustion, she knew she wouldn’t sleep, even if she wanted to.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 24, 2008 20:23:07 GMT -5
Having only met Wysteria in passing a couple of times, Caitlin had been saddened by the girl’s death, shocked definitely, but hadn’t really gotten to know her enough to still be feeling grief all this time later. It was a shame, a horrible feeling. She had shared a dormitory with the other girl for at least a month without really finding out anything about her. In fact, she had found out more about the girl after her death than before, what with her being a Shadow Warrior and part of the fight against Dark Phoenix. It was amazing what people could hide without you suspecting a thing.
“I still find it hard to believe she’s dead.”
“I didn’t know her very well,” Caitlin admitted sadly, viewing the still-wet ground beneath her feet. Apparently drying the sodden book hadn’t extended to clearing the ground as well. “She was in my house, and my year, but... I dunno. I just never really got to know her. I wish I had, now.”
It was always too late, wishing for something after the time had been and gone when such a wish might have been put into action. Wishing she hadn’t dragged her feet so much upon returning from India. Wishing she’d stayed in India and never come to Hogwarts. Wishing she hadn’t found out about and gotten involved in the Shadow War. Wishing she’d spent more time with Mallan, or persuaded him not to go to China... Occasionally, when she’d been lying awake in bed for hours, unable to get to sleep without being tortured by nightmares of helpless shouts and blood spurting over parchment, she’d find herself wishing that she’d never bonded with him in the first place. If she hadn’t gotten to know him so well then maybe she wouldn’t feel so hurt now. And perhaps if they hadn’t joined then he might not even have killed himself, if the stress of two minds really was what had caused it. That was what really cut deep, the idea that maybe it was her who might have been part of the cause. If that was really the case... well, she just didn’t want to think about it. So why was she thinking about it now? She took distraction in the form of Susan’s voice speaking again.
“Professor Kade was the only Elemental Master I knew to be replaced.”
And he was replaced by Mallan... Caity thought dully. So much for a distraction; Susan’s words just brought back exactly what she had been thinking a minute ago. The tedious thud of pain struck again inside her and she closed her eyes for a second. There must be another reason for Mallan’s suicide beside the possibility of it being her fault for allowing him to join with her as well as Dee. There must be.
She reopened her eyes to view Susan as she spoke again.
“Maybe that’s just it, what if it doesn’t mean anything.”
Caitlin shrugged, not saying anything in response. She took the notebook back without another sound and tucked it safely under her now folded arms, where no one could get to it unless she actually let them. “Maybe,” she conceded, still not quite ready to give up hope on enlightenment just yet. She bent down to pick up the glass she’d knocked over and righted it, feeling a little calm enter her from the touch of the water.
((The ending's not great, I got a little overtired but wanted to post this before I went to sleep))
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Susan Matthews
Gryffindor
[red]5th Year Gryffindor[/red] Shadow Warrior of Earth
goddess, nymph, divine.
Posts: 505
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Post by Susan Matthews on Jun 25, 2008 10:39:17 GMT -5
Susan nodded absentmindedly as Caitlin commented on Wysteria. True, it was sad that she never really got to know her, but it was too late now anyway. It seemed it was too late for most things, lately. A depressing thought, but unsettlingly true.
Live for the moment.
The phrase resounded inside her head. It must have been a common phrase, or from a song she once heard. It was kind of her motto. When in doubt, Susan referred to this four-word phrase. It sounded like an easy enough command, live for the moment. Yet Susan stood in the kitchens, full of regrets and thoughts of what might have been.
So take this advice, live by every word: Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard.
It was from a song, Susan remembered it now. It wasn’t a popular song, and it wasn’t played on the muggle radios as often as it should. The song as a whole was rather depressing. A story of a mother letting her three children go to waste as her own life collapses in front of her.
The song always had a way of giving her chills, like a warning of what could happen. It was never one of her favorite songs, but it wasn’t easy to forget. She thought she still had the CD somewhere, if she could find a CD player, she would show it to Caitlin sometime. But what were the chances of finding a muggle device around Hogwarts?
Susan dismissed the whole thought, it was difficult to think on one subject for too long now. Had the two of them been on a floor that held windows, they might have caught sight of the sun beginning to rise within the hour. Her body begging for sleep but her mind not allowing it, Susan listened as Caitlin took her advice, but didn’t really believe it.
As Caitlin bent down to right her own cup, Susan looked over to her half full cup of milk, probably lukewarm now. No longer craving the unnecessary nourishment she had come down here for, Susan willed the unappetizing glass of milk to disappear, but of course it wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help,” Susan said with some effort, picking up her own beverage. She wanted to leave, suddenly, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to leave Caitlin alone. Walking to the wooden table, Susan placed the glass on top, to be taken away as elves returned. “Are you going to be okay?” Susan asked carefully. She asked and simultaneously remembered the last line of the song, knowing there was still hope.
And take this advice, live by every word: Love’s completely real, so forget anything that you have heard.
[lyrics from The Tide by The Spill Canvas]
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 25, 2008 17:07:53 GMT -5
Caitlin had her own mottos to go by, much as Susan had hers. Well, she had had mottos. But they all seemed a little outdated now. Nothing that she could really, truthfully say she would or cold go by now. Smile, what’s the use of crying?... You’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile... She had never particularly liked the actual music, but the lyrics always spoke to her. Now, though... They just seemed... what was the word? Naive. Optimistic. Overly hopeful. Just smiling was not going to do anything in this life, and it was stupid to think so. If only a simple movement of the lips could heal all the problems, all the pain, then it would be a good world. A paradise, even. But the very nature of paradise meant that such a place could not possibly exist, at least nowhere humans could reach easily. The thought that Mallan might be in this type of paradise wasn’t comforting, because she didn’t know that. It was just a theory, and theories were near-impossible to prove.
And now her brain was starting to get confused, from all the philosophical thinking. She wasn’t usually one for such deep thought. It reminded her somewhat of those few days just after receiving the letter, when she had been walking around in a daze, or the potions lesson just before she had been pulled out of Hogwarts. She had taken too hearty a smell from the Confusion Concoctment she had had to identify and despite experiencing its effects first-hand, she had still not managed to work out what it was.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help.”
Caitlin shook her head dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve been looking at it for ages and still can’t make sense of it.” I’ll still be looking at it for ages and not able to make heads nor tails...
Susan placed her glass of milk on the nearby wooden table and Caity went over to do likewise with her own empty glass. It made her a little sad and uncomfortable to see the house elves acting so subservient, but she had been reassured again and again that it was their nature; they liked it. And if they liked being like that, why take it away from them?
“Are you going to be okay?”
She nodded silently, slowly bringing her face around to meet Susan’s eyes. Right now, she could get through what she was feeling. So long as she didn’t go to sleep, she’d be okay for tonight. “Yeah, I’ll be alright. You should get some sleep though, you look tired.” Although she had a feeling that Susan might mean more was she okay than just for the night, she interpreted it as she pleased. Eventually, she might be okay again. Might. But since she couldn’t say that for certain, and didn’t want to lie outright – simply because it would be obvious – she kept her reply truthful, but a little twisted in meaning. By this point she was used to the lack of sleep, but Susan really did look as though she was about to drop off. Caity had no idea what time it was, but didn’t want to be responsible for the Gryffindor falling asleep in classes tomorrow, especially as a prefect. She should have sent the younger girl back to bed immediately, technically. Not that she would, but that was what she should have done.
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Susan Matthews
Gryffindor
[red]5th Year Gryffindor[/red] Shadow Warrior of Earth
goddess, nymph, divine.
Posts: 505
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Post by Susan Matthews on Jun 25, 2008 21:13:58 GMT -5
Susan wasn’t comforted by Caitlin’s reply. Ages was a long time, and who knew how many more it would take to figure it out, if it meant anything at all. She felt bad about wanting to leave, but was in no condition to continue any sort of conversation that would make sense. She didn’t think she would be able to sleep well, but she had no doubt it would ultimately come.
Releasing her hand from the glass on the table, she found her hand uncomfortably wet from the condensation formed over their time spent in the kitchens. She rubbed her fingers together, feeling the moisture, before turning to wipe her hands on her t-shirt. Not long after Susan had risen to place her glass on the table, did Caitlin follow with her empty one.
Susan remained unconvinced by Caitlin’s nodding. Susan had mostly meant for her question to mean permanently, and Susan was aware when Caitlin continued to speak presently. Too exhausted to disagree properly, Susan only nodded in submission to Caitlin’s suggestion of sleep. “I’ll try,” she promised, knowing there wouldn’t be much time for sleep anyway.
“You should try too,” Susan countered, feeling that Caitlin hadn’t been planning on sleeping soon. As much as she would have liked to, she didn’t stick around to make sure Caitlin went back to her common room. “I’ll see you around,” Susan said, stifling a yawn. She reluctantly turned to leave, not looking forward to the several flights of stairs she would have to climb to reach her dormitory.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Jun 26, 2008 16:15:26 GMT -5
Watching the other girl, Caity noticed she seemed to be appearing more and more tired. She really should go to bed and stop worrying about her, it wouldn’t do her any good and wasn’t needed. Worrying wasn’t going to do anyone any good, so why bother? Shame it was human nature to do such a thing.
“I’ll try.”
She was relieved to see that Susan was agreeing to at least try and get some sleep. Judging by how exhausted she appeared, it hopefully wouldn’t be too hard to doze off for a few hours. She had no idea what time it was, but guessed it to be about 4am. There were no windows in the kitchens to show the telltale sign of a sunrise, which she had become accustomed to watching from either the common room or dormitory so knew about what time it would be.
“You should try too.”
Caitlin nodded, again not giving a firm answer. “Okay.” Maybe she should. But she knew that she wouldn’t. She was taking advantage of not feeling particularly sleepy to wander about and prevent the onset of sleep. Nearly every time she set her head on the pillow, that pit of dread overcame her stomach in the fear of what nightmares might come tonight. Mostly it was her mind procuring images of Mallan’s suicide, that overly active imagination working against her. Sometimes he’d keep talking after he had done the act, with the blood coming from his head but mouth still working, blaming her. She shouldn’t have let him go. She shouldn’t have bonded with him. It was her fault.
Then he sometimes changed to look like her grandmother, also blaming her for her death. That was an older wound, but still there. If only she had been less stubborn, less upset about leaving and had agreed to get on the next plane back to England. Maybe then they could have got back sooner, maybe that would have changed something. I hate ‘maybes’,[/color] Caity thought fervently, the upset showing through her facial expression somewhat. Luckily, Susan had already turned away.
“Bye. Sleep well,” she said quietly, going back to the wall she had originally been leaning on, a few metres away from where the water had been spilt and bringing out the book again. Perhaps torturing herself like this by reading it over and over again wasn’t the best idea, but she had to know. Had to work it out. Because if it really was because of the double-bonding she had agreed to, if it really was her fault... well... She didn’t know what her reaction would be. All she knew was that it would be very much in the region of the pejorative. There were numerous other things she could and should be doing with her time, such a continuing to catch up on the work she had missed while away, but instead she just kept reading the book over and over again. Perhaps if she read it enough times, she might understand it. Because right now, she didn’t have a clue.
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