Retreat Outside ((Kai))

[Caitlin Collins]

Staring at herself in the dormitory mirror, Caity was unsure whether she wanted to go to this dance or not. She had no one to go with, had not really promised anyone that she would even be going. She was still acting even more withdrawn and shy than usual, and hadn’t gotten involved with any of the discussions surrounding this year’s Valentine’s Day. She’d never particularly celebrated it while in India, but she’d never really had anyone special to share it with. This year, she thought she might have just found someone special. But now... it just wasn’t going to happen. And it wasn’t because of some silly argument, as she had heard a couple of girls moaning to each other at breakfast that morning. Likely they would meet up with their prospective partners at the ball, apologise and be happy again. If only it were that simple for her...

But, she really should try and make an effort. Even if she didn’t want to, even if she was sure she’d hate every second minute of it, and spend every other minute wishing someone else was there. That was why she hadn’t dressed up as much as she could have done – she didn’t want to attract much attention from other people there, especially guys. She was sure that, as tense as she would likely be, she would end up saying or doing something she might later regret. She was dressed in a deep, turquoise dress originally from India that reached the floor, covered in glittering sequins and with hems that emulated rainbow colours. On her feet were simple, silver sandals – even though she’d like a few extra inches of height, she wasn’t willing to put herself through the discomfort of heels. Wrapped around her arms was a pashmina in the same style as the dress. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, held back from her face with a few hair clips, and she was wearing a little make-up, but not a lot. She might not look stunning, but she was presentable enough to go to a Valentine’s Day ball without feeling embarrassed at her attire.

Leaving the dormitory and common room, she made her way across the floor to the ballroom, where the general mass of the student body were headed, it seemed. Some in pairs, some in a gaggle of friends, and a few on their own, like her. All dressed up in their Valentine outfits, several more spectacular than others, but she didn’t really feel out of place.

Entering the ballroom, there were people she knew dotted about the place. In particular, she could see Susan talking with Bryan... the newest lightfighter to join their ranks, and a replacement for the boy she wished she could be here with now. The last time she’d been in here had been before he’d gone to China for his training, a few days prior to the Christmas Ball for everyone else. Suddenly feeling a little sick, Caity felt an urge to be out of the room, away from those bittersweet memories. Walking at a steady pace through the room, she reached the open doors leading outside that were placed about halfway down the left wall. Stepping through them and being gently accosted by the night-time breeze, she made her way down the stone steps and onto the gravel path, crunching across it slowly until she was away from any couples who had already left the ballroom for a little more privacy.

She sat back on a stone ledge jutting out of the castle walls, shivering slightly due to the cold weather and drawing the pashmina back up to wrap around her bare arms, and let out a quiet sigh. IN a moment of weakness, she dropped her gaze to the floor and swore softly in Hindi, letting her guard drop and allowing the misery to seep into her expression. What was the point in being here when she knew she was going to hate it? Because I don’t want to wait up in my dorm and be all depressed there anyway while everyone else is having a good time, she answered herself, dropping her head back against the stone and staring up at the starry sky, wishing forlornly for someone else to be there. "Why'd you do it, Mallan? Why didn’t you come back, like you promised?" she whispered to the breeze, not realising she had slipped back into Hindi. The question had been repeated to herself so many times that she had given up on trying to come up with an answer for herself.

[kairava]

Standing in the ballroom without any partner and just having finished an interesting and almost unnerving conversation with a girl named Keaira and what seemed to be her counterpart Zane, Kai, dressed in his formal wear and blue coat, did not know what to do. He enjoyed dancing but was not particularly good at it, though after hearing that there was going to be a ball he had practiced in the Room of Requirement so he would not look too much the fool. He had originally hoped to find Siren there so that he would be able to dance with the wonderful girl, however, she was nowhere to be seen. So there he was, scanning the room for an attractive girl while building his confidence up so that he would be able to actually ask one to dance after he found her.

As he was casually and unwillingly becoming a wallflower a young girl walked in. She immediately stole his complete attention, his eyes enchanted by her. She was beautiful in her simple deep, turquoise dress and she reminded him of pleasant memories from home, in India. He was about to walk up and ask her for the dance when he noticed, for the first time, that she was not smiling and then a flash of, probably nausea flashed across her face. Halting himself, he watched the attractive girl walk past everyone, including him, and then out a side door, to the outside courtyard. As she walked past he remembered her name, Caity. She looked so different from the time he met her in the dim lit hallways that he had not recognized her.

Kai was torn. He wanted to follow her, his compassion yearning to take care of her or to make sure that she was okay, but at the same time, he did not know her beyond her name. What if she was insulted or truly wanted to be alone? Kai’s heart sank for a moment and he realized that he would not be able to enjoy the ball now. He remembered the conversation with Siren how that had worked out well; she appreciated his company even though he felt like he was intruding. So Kai hoped for a similar situation as he decided to keep Caity company.

Walking outside, his leather soled, dress shoes scraped lightly on the ground as he made his way towards her. She did not seem to notice him as he closed the distance between them and as he came to be only a few steps away he heard her swear in Hindi. In a way Kai was glad that she did, it showed him that something truly was wrong but it also showed him that she was having a tough time with something. He was preparing to speak when she began speaking again so Kai waited a moment longer. He listened and his heart sank to the bottom; someone she cared for had not returned. It brought intense memories of Aliyah, his first love who disappeared and never returned, back with a fury causing his knees to become a little weak. It took him another few moments of standing there to regain control of his own emotions. How was he supposed to help someone when he was a wreck as well?

As he began speaking in Hindi, his voice was first unsteady but regained its strength as he continued, “I wanted to ask you to dance… but may I sit with you instead?” He was glad that his introduction went better than the time with Siren but at the same time he felt like he was intruding more with Caity. He hoped that she would allow him to sit with her for more than one reason. He not only wanted to comfort her but he also wanted to be off his knees which still seemed as though they no longer wanted to stand. Kai fought the emotions back as much as he could though; men were supposed to be stronger than this.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caitlin had heard the crunching of gravel drawing nearer to her as she murmured in Hindi, but assumed it to be another couple seeking privacy and kept her head down, closing her eyes momentarily to rest her vision. It was pretty hard to not hear people walking by, since the gravel was a noisy surface to walk on anyway, even with the muted noise of the music from inside the ballroom sneaking its way out through the open doors so those outside could hear it too. But since she wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the sound of this passerby walking, it didn’t really process that he had stopped. After all, she had spoken in Hindi, and didn’t know anyone else in the school who knew that particular language – except probably D’rorah, who seemed to know far more than was normal for the average 17-year-old. And it seemed that she used many of them to conduct her research on the Shadow Wars.

It would have been nice to spend just one evening without thought of the war she had inadvertently become involved in, but it seemed even that was too much to ask for. Pretty much anything she thought of, she could relate back to it in some way or other. For example... She looked around for a moment to find inspiration, following the idea through. Daisies. Daisies were flowers, grown in the earth. Elemental Master and Shadow Warrior of Earth – Dylan and Susan. What else was there...? The pinpricks of light shining through the darkness above her; the stars. That was particularly representative. Everywhere she looked was darkness – hurt, and pain, and shadows and death. And there they were, nine teenage lightfighters trying to fight off that darkness, trying to keep the light there and sneak around the clouds and obstacles that might appear.

When she did hear a voice, closer to her than expected, her eyelids flashed up in surprise and her head swivelled around to see who was there, and if they were talking to her or someone else. Sometimes, people seemed to just forget she was there or look right through her, saying things they surely wouldn’t around other people. But yes, there was an older boy there, and he was talking to her. She couldn’t see who he was at first, but then a cloud above shifted, allowing the light from particularly bright star to come through, seeking out Kai’s face and showing Caity her fellow Hufflepuff prefect and, unbeknownst to her at the moment, her new Elemental Master of Water.

“I wanted to ask you to dance… but may I sit with you instead?”

For a moment it didn’t register with Caitlin that he was also speaking in Hindi, having been speaking in that same language herself only a few moments before, but suddenly it clicked and her expression became slightly more alert and her surprise more prominent. That meant he had likely heard her mutterings just now. But it was too late to take it back now. When they had been introduced before, the lighting had not been good and it had been difficult to make out her counterpart. But now she could see him properly, it was obvious that he was Indian, or at least from around that area in southern Asia. ‘Kai’, as he had named himself as, was likely a shortened form of his true name, she surmised.

His expression was hard to read – like he was fighting away something just beneath the surface, and not altogether succeeding. It reminded her of the frequent battles she kept having with herself, and perhaps it was that that made her feel the connection with him. Because she could half-understand what he was feeling, even if she didn’t know the circumstances.

Realising she hadn’t replied and he was still standing there as she stared up at him, she turned her eyes away from him and shuffled a little to the left, further away from the open ballroom doors and allowing him more space on the ledge to sit. Frankly, she was surprised that he had the tact to notice she wasn’t really in the mood for dancing right now, but still wanted to just sit with her, away from where all the supposed fun was taking place. Taking a sideways glance at him confirmed her suspicions that he was more than a little good-looking, which just increased her surprise that he was taking the time to be with her. There must be plenty of girls inside who would love to take up his company for the night and have a good time, rather than just mope about outside. It was Valentine’s Day, after all. And at this point in time, she herself wasn’t really interested in other guys, or other people at all, for that matter. Not those that were living, anyway. She just spent most of her time alone.

“ ‘Course,” she confirmed, still in that same language. Maybe talking with him might distract her a little from the depressing thoughts that always seemed to bubble up in her head at the most inopportune moments. Closing her eyes for another moment in what might appear to be an extended blink, she took the chance to clear her face of the majority of the misery seeping through her. If Kai was taking the time to sit with her, she didn’t want to put a dampener on his own mood. She should at least make the effort to interact with him, be thankful for the effort he was making. And it would be nice to talk in Hindi again – it had been so long since she had last spoken in that tongue.

Turning her head to face him, her thoughts returned to the familiarity she could feel about him... sort of like déjà vu, but different, and unlike that type of experience it didn’t go away after a few seconds, but stayed with her. It was as if, she should know him from somewhere... or know him to be someone, something. It was really a very strange feeling, but she couldn’t place her finger on what it reminded her of. She should know... but she didn’t. And it was quite frustrating.

[kairava]

As Kai tried to place the reason for the surprised expression on the girls face his feet shifted subconsciously on the ground. The gravel under his feet made a quiet grinding sound, though not a sufficient amount to be cause for an interruption, but was still enough to send a tingling sensation through his leg as his foot rolled over a sharp rock. The sensation was appreciated though as it washed away a little of his nervousness but Kai still resorted to mentally asking himself, “Did I intrude? Does she think that I am being rude?” A string of similar thoughts quickly rushed through his conscious as he tried to figure out if he had done anything wrong or had insulted her in some manner. He knew he was not the best socially, which frustrated him to no end as he knew he was an intelligent person, but he hoped he did not foul the situation completely.

He was about to apologize and turn to walk away when she moved a little to the left; giving him adequate room to sit down. Rotating slightly and holding the tails of his jacket, so that when he sat down they would not wrinkle or be damaged by wearing away, Kai sat down slowly giving her enough distance so she would not feel uncomfortably intruded upon. The bench felt a little warm through his jacket tails and pants which caused him to briefly regret making her move to a new and colder spot. Immediately he noticed she was holding her pashmina tightly. Knowing she was cold, he stood up just enough so that he would not catch his jacket tails on anything and slid his jacket off and handed it to Caity and said in Hindi, “Here, the cold does not bother me,” before sitting back down.

Hearing her voice and how it was not a normal and clear tone pulled at his heart. He wanted to save her from her misery, somehow. For a moment he fought over whether he should talk about something random and meaningless or force himself into her personal life and help her get whatever it was off of her chest. He only hoped that the time spent in silence, while he fought with himself, was not taken in a bad way. As he sat there letting the emptiness linger for brief moment, Kai smoothed his pants with his gloved hands before asking in Hindi with a soft voice that carried compassion, “I see there is something troubling you. If you would wish to talk about it, I would like to listen.”

Sitting there on the bench, he let his expression remain a calm and compassionate one; a soft visage. It was not an active choosing of Kai’s though but rather his sincerity in his yearning to help; to be a secure light in the darkness and pain of the world. He had seen too much pain in his past; a strong portion being his own and he wanted no one else to feel anything similar. To him, his purpose in life, as he chose, was to bear the weight of understanding and knowledge; to be a healer to the souls of others. If he succeeded in making another smile or helping another forget their pains, nothing else mattered.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caitlin stayed silent as he sat next to her, not too close but near enough to converse easily. Feeling cold anyway, she didn’t really notice that the stone she had moved to was also quite chilly, so Kai needn’t have been concerned about making her move. But since she had no idea that he was regretting her shuffle to the left, she couldn’t reassure him that it hadn’t affected her at all. Instead she pondered on that familiarity she couldn’t place. Her subconscious knew exactly what it was, but had apparently decided to be a little rebellious and not tell her conscious self, so Caity remained in the dark about it.

She glanced at him as he stood again, wondering what the problem was. Nothing came to mind immediately so she just waited it out to see what he was doing. The answer was a bit of a surprise to her, as he shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her, informing her that the cold was not an issue to him. That was surprising; if he actually was from somewhere in South Asia, then wasn’t he used to heat? Although, she had no idea how long he had been in Britain – it could have been years, for all she knew. She would have rejected the jacket, but he had already sat down and apparently hadn’t even considered that she might refuse. And... it was cold. Slipping it over her shoulders, she gave him a grateful smile and offered her thanks. It was huge on her, and likely looked ridiculous, but it was definitely warmer than any pashmina. You’d think that, approaching a whole year since she had left India, she would by now be used to the perpetually cold and miserable weather that constantly blocked the sun from Scotland. Glancing up to the sky once more to see her stars, she saw that they had been covered up by what looked ominously like a heavy raincloud about to pour.

“I see there is something troubling you. If you would wish to talk about it, I would like to listen.”

That surprised her as well. She knew that she wasn’t great at hiding what she was feeling, but thought she might have been getting better. And she was so used to being ignored, that someone actually inquiring what the matter was, was rather unusual. But did she really want to talk about it? She had told Aiden a few weeks ago by the lake, but that had been in reciprocation, and she half-knew him. Right now, she wasn’t entirely certain that talking about it would be the best idea... But, he did look so sincere, like he actually cared and wanted to help. And she had this strange, instinctual urge to trust him.

“Not really,” she replied, adding a moment later, “not now, anyway. Maybe later... some other time.” She didn’t want to depress him with her problems, anyway. The whole time she didn’t raise her eyes from the floor, but then she raised them to look at him, forcing herself to start some semblance of a normal conversation, that might go on between two normal people at a school dance. Normal... huh. Her life hadn’t been normal in a long time.

“Where are you from?” she asked, continuing to speak in the language and trying to make an effort to make conversation... both because of the way he was giving up his time at what could surely be a great experience at the ball to sit with her, and because of this strange connection and familiarity. Her Hindi was a bit rusty, but just speaking it again was helping get it back to its previous level of fluency. “India? Nepal, Pakistan?” Those were the main countries she could think of that spoke Hindi, even if some of it was in the Urdu dialect. And he had obviously spoken the tongue well, with less of an accent than she knew she did. Coupled with his appearance, it was logical that he had originally lived in one of those countries, even if he didn’t anymore.

[kairava]

Having expected her to resist talking about the situation, Kai was content to hear that she was willing to talk about it at another time if necessary. He did not like pushing people anyhow; most of the time when people are forced they erect barriers that are tough to bypass. It was a lesson that had taken him a few years to learn but he managed. The reply was appreciated in another form as well. Her mention of another time meant that she was willing to see him again and that he had not been overly rude just now. He wanted to comfort her but he would wait until she asked for it.

He could not help but follow her eyes as they rose to the sky. Seeing the rain clouds in the distance he began thinking of home. Rain… and forms of water in general, reminded him of home, as much as it could be called home. In northwest India, in a town called Amritsar was where he was born. His loving aunt and uncle lived there along with the inherited land from his mother and father. Water was a surrounding way of life there. Though due to his wide travels through mainly deserted areas, it only brought back memories of the place and of his relatives; nothing that brought forth cascading emotions or anything he truly cherished.

As if she were reading her thoughts, she asked him where he was from and he brought his gaze down from the sky to meet hers. Speaking in Hindi as the conversation had been going, Kai began with a reminiscent tone before he slid subconsciously to a more factual one the longer he spoke, “I was born in Amritsar, India but I traveled with Vidur, the man who raised me since I can remember.” He did not want to add to the sadness in the air and so left out the part about his parents and their murder. “We traveled a lot so there was never a place I truly called home. I went from India to Egypt, then Arabia, then to Durmstrang, and now I’m here.”

He couldn’t help but ask, though he knew she would expect it anyway, “Where are you from? Your accent says that you have actually spent time in India but you are not Indian. Not to mention what your beautiful dress says.” Kai gave a smile with his sincere comment about her dress but let it continue and turn into a playful smile as he spoke, “Though the dress’ beauty merely lends itself transparently to yours.” Even though his statement was sincere it also contained a flirtatious edge to it; he didn’t want to push her away with his forward remarks.

He did not realize how calm and relaxed he was until he found himself waiting silently beside her. Now that the tension and sadness in the air was dissipating it was quickly becoming an enjoyable moment. Kai only hoped that the rain would hold off a little longer; he wanted to talk with her some more before being forced to move elsewhere. Of course, if they were made to move, he already planned to snatch the opportunity up to dance.

[Caitlin Collins]

It was ironic really, how despite considering the same country “home”, different weather reminded them of it. For Cait, the rain was more a sign of living in Britain, with the infrequent, warm and sunny weather bringing back memories of India. For Kai, it was apparently the opposite, although she didn’t know it.

“I was born in Amritsar, India but I travelled with Vidur, the man who raised me since I can remember. We travelled a lot so there was never a place I truly called home. I went from India to Egypt, then Arabia, then to Durmstrang, and now I’m here.”

“Amritsar… nice place. It’s in the northwest, isn’t it?” Caitlin wasn’t particularly good with geography and places, and her sense of direction in general was terrible. “I visited there once with my tutor and some friends. Saw the Golden Temple.” It had been interesting trying to persuade her parents to actually allow her to go traipsing off to a completely different part of India for a weekend. The only reason that they had complied in the end was that they trusted Vijay. "And I’ve never been to Egypt, or any of the other places.” She found it a little strange that she was this talkative around him, but it just seemed so... easy. And... it was sort of nice, to be able to talk so casually about such normal things. To talk about home.

“Where are you from? Your accent says that you have actually spent time in India but you are not Indian. Not to mention what your beautiful dress says.”

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips at the mention of her dress. Again, it was strange to be smiling, but nice. “I’m English, but I lived in India for six years. Mostly Hyderabad, but I went a few other places too. We came back summertime last year.” The thought of why they had come back sent a little sadness through her, but it was nothing when put into perspective. She hadn’t seen her grandma for years when she finally died later that summer; hadn’t really known her. It was sad, and she’d been very upset at the time, but now she’d experienced something... worse. She’d have been devastated anyway, but having bonded with him made it all the more worse. Having someone you were so close to, mentally and emotionally, torn away like he had been, was... hell. Another reason to try and avoid bonding with anyone else for as long as possible.

“Though the dress’ beauty merely lends itself transparently to yours.”

That, she was less sure how to respond to. She couldn’t recall ever being particularly good at receiving compliments – it always seemed to make her shyer. And the last time someone had called her beautiful... Mallan. Everything always came back to him. She sighed and turned her face away from Kai, hoping that he wouldn’t think the saddened expression on her face was his fault, if he saw it. Technically, it was his fault. But it was indirect, and not intentional. She didn’t want him to feel illogically guilty about something he didn’t understand. “Thank you,” she said quietly. It wasn’t a whisper, just. A tiny pool of water had gathered in one eye – annoyingly, the eye on the side of her face Kai would be able to see – but she made no move to brush it away.

Sometimes, she wished she could allow herself to forget about him. She knew that he would want her to get on with her life, especially since he had inexplicably made the choice to take himself out of it. And every single time his name came up, whether in conversation or a stray thought, forks of pain went through her, reverberating constantly like it had been electrified. It hurt, so much, and she wanted to forget. But she had also promised herself, on the very day that she’d found out the news, that she wouldn’t allow herself to do such a thing – or anyone else if she could help it, although she’d been much less strict on herself when it came to that matter than the other. Mallan wasn’t there to make sure people remembered, so memories would have to do. He had existed, and she wasn’t going to let herself forget without his presence to remind her.

But, it would surely be all too easy to find a memory charm that would erase everything to do with Mallan and the Shadow Wars. And, unfortunately, she knew she couldn’t do that to herself, let alone anyone else. It would get rid of the pain, but would also get rid of almost her entire time at Hogwarts. The few friends she’d made still needed her as a Shadow Warrior, even despite her little training. The future Elemental Master of Water would need her, too, whoever he might be.

“Sorry,” she muttered, blinking several times to get rid of the festering tears. It mostly worked. But the vaguely pleasant atmosphere that she had been enjoying seemed to have disappeared, although that could just be her. And it might just be her again, but the clouds above them seemed to be getting thicker, and looking more and more ominous.

[kairava]

He listened as she spoke, content sitting on the bench in the night air just listening to her. With each word she let slip from her mouth, time slowed and even though her expressions still carried sadness, it was slipping away. As her emotions played in the background of her lingering words, Kai just listened with a small smile on his face. As she mentioned the Golden Temple a few images of memories changed his surroundings as if to transport the two of them to the reminiscent place. It soon faded though and each moment there was a break it was as if time tried to catch up and he pressed to say something more that would lure her to talk.

With her mention of Hyderabad, more memories, though fewer than before, burst forward; times of flirting with girls and snake charming performances and young childhood adventures. He wanted to tell her of them all but chose to reveal them at some other time. Right now he was here to listen, to be a silent distraction as it were. He only hoped that he was performing well enough to sneak her away from whatever it was that saddened her heart. Sitting there, lost in his own memories and her words, Kai failed to notice the darkness of the clouds creeping over them.

Kai thought the situation was going well until he noticed her reaction to his compliment. The soft smile that had been lingering on his face faded quickly when she turned away and did not immediately respond. He did not anticipate that she would take it wrongly and was immensely relieved when he heard the quiet ‘thank you’. Seeing that she wasn’t going to turn around to face him any time soon, Kai’s thoughts began working, trying to think of something to say, something comforting but he failed at every turn as if nothing was right. It seemed the relief that he was just promised was slowly and unintentionally being stripped away.

He did not notice before but now that she wiped them away he saw that she had been crying and his empathy with the moment made his own emotions tighten up in a hoarse thickness. Even though she was not looking at him, his words still caught on the edge of his tongue. He wanted to tell her it was alright or that it would be better but he doubted she would feel the same way. Whatever it was was something deep that had woven itself tightly around her heart. He could not think of anything lighter that would cause a compliment to become so bitter.

Seeing her, seeming so far away now, Kai could not help but shift a little closer and put his arm around her, pulling her gently to lean against him. “Please... don’t be sorry,” he said softly in Hindi. A moment later, as if by some strange power, the sky began to let loose the water it held captive as if it wished to mimic her feelings. Slowly, letting the soft first rains hit them, Kai moved to pull out his wand from where it was secured by a strap on his right thigh with his free hand. He did not know how comfortable Cait was with the rain and getting wet, so with a circular swoosh he silently cast Umbra Claris, a spell he had learned at Al’Nirah. After Kai finished, with them only slightly wet, an invisible force prevented the rain from continuing its barrage. Looking up, he was satisfied to see the water splash and roll off of a clear umbrella above the two of them. With confirming that his spell worked, he returned his attention back to the girl sitting next to him, wondering if she would be insulted or hurt or fearful.

[Caitlin Collins]

As she spoke, Caitlin could not help but be aware of the intent concentration being focussed upon her by Kai. Had it been anyone else it would have felt strange, but with him it just felt... natural. Like it was right that he should be so interested in what she had to say. It was quite a disarming feeling and she wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. Was it a good thing or bad? It just felt right to talk to him, right for him to be listening. Like there was nothing in the world that could be more expected.

She could sense that he had things he wanted to say, but for whatever reason he stayed silent, just letting her talk as she liked. The smile on his face that was visible in her peripheral vision convinced her that he didn’t mind not being able to talk himself – he was content to simply listen. Just as she perceived him to be entranced by her, she was equally fascinated by him... and it was a shame, really, that more thoughts of Mallan had to ruin that feeling.

Once more in her peripheral vision, Caity could see the smile fading from his face, and the sight saddened her even more. Now not only was she miserable herself, but was apparently dragging other people into her melancholic state. Brilliant. From what she could see, he was fighting for something to say. Sometimes she wasn’t very good at reading people, but Kai seemed a complete exception to this. Again, it was strange... And that familiar edge would not go away, nor, infuriatingly, reveal itself for whatever it was.

She felt rather than saw him shift closer, but when his arm came around her she couldn’t help the tension that suddenly rose in her shoulders. Slipping her eyes closed for a moment she wrestled with her instincts until the strain in her body dropped, accompanied by his words to her. Without making any conscious decision to do so, she rested her head lightly on his shoulder before speaking again, eyes staring blankly at the lake placed down the hill from where they were sitting. It looked so peaceful there... “But, I am,” she objected quietly. “I’m usually better company, promise,” she added, a glimmer of wryness in her expression. She was usually better company because she could hide all this depression. But he’d already seen it... what was the point in hiding it again? Besides, she felt this unconscious desire to trust him; to let him see the true Caitlin rather than the Caitlin on display to the rest of the world. It never occurred to her that some sort of charm might be involved in her empathy for him, nor that Kai was anything but what he appeared; a fellow prefect trying to make her feel better. If he had been a follower of the Mage, she would have been helpless. Luckily for her, he wasn’t – was the opposite of that, in fact, if she only knew it.

Feeling a drop of water hit her cheek, she glanced up to see that the clouds had reached their fill and were beginning to release it, and a lot. But before she could do much about it herself, Kai had already retrieved his wand and performed a spell that prevented it saturating them... it was like an invisible umbrella, protecting them from the bombardment. His attention returned to her and she met his eyes for several seconds before dropping her gaze slightly, the tiniest hints of a blush reddening her cheeks. “Thanks,” she muttered quickly, gesturing up at the shield with one hand before dropping it down to her lap again, where it played with the hem of Kai’s coat. “I... are you sure you’re not cold?” she checked, not wanting him to suffer at her expense. He didn’t seem to be... but he could just be a very good actor. And it was her own fault for not dressing in something warmer, even if half the other girls in the hall were wearing clothes a little more revealing than her own.

[kairava]

A soft wind slid over Kai like a satin sheet being pulled across every point of open skin, though no chill drew his attention, nor did the droplets of water that fell from the heavens distract him from Cait with the symphony of their sound. He was enchanted. Drawn into a moment where time held no sway by the allure of her eyes. In that infinite moment, her eyes, her brilliant blue eyes that brought the brightest sky and richest sapphire to envy, glistened with a purity of truth so profound that Kai was helpless against his soul’s yearning desire to draw closer as one dewdrop of water to another. Then, as quickly as it started, as if an eternity was stolen within a heartbeat, her eyes loosed themselves as if chased away by the life blooming upon her cheeks and without thought or reason Kai found the air surrounding him to grow warmer as an affectionate smile pulled ever gently at his lips and eyes.

Even as the air, cold and restless, fought against their sanctuary and Kai’s thoughts maneuvered to distract him, the moment was not stolen. As he sat comfortably upon the bench, allowing the warmth of the beautiful girl beside him to ward off the few tendrils of crisp air that managed to pierce his defenses, he found himself perfectly comfortable in the silence. A silence that was only of the briefest time as her delicate word of thanks gently broke through. Yet still Kai remained silent, no words edging to break through, no thoughts distracting him. If his focus was on himself he would have noticed the oddity, the strangeness that he had only felt once before in such a deep manner or the sensation of destiny’s desire being satiated.

As long as the cold remained a distant notion, Kai was able to ignore its effects but the distance was quickly closed when Cait queried his strength. His awareness brought back to the cold allowed a breach in his defenses and a slow weave of cold crawled under his skin before he was able to relax and control it once more. Her question was not one asked of him often but still he knew his answer. He understood that if he said he was cold that she would give his coat back and probably would not accept it again, leaving herself to freeze. He could not let it come to that, especially since in all actuality he is normally able to shrug the cold off. Kai only paused a moment in consideration before responding in Hindi as the conversation had been brought along, “I am alright. As long as you are next to me the cold only chills me occasionally.” He found that he could not complete the lie as he spoke. It was only the smallest of lies but he felt that she deserved his utmost honesty, the whole of who he was and not a perfect lie.

Once again he found the silence a welcome presence as he sat with Cait against him, a single thought continuously bubbling to the surface of his mind. It was so perfect, so serene… the two of them sitting quietly while the noise of the surrounding world transposed itself into music. The fall of the rain drops hitting the stone and occasional pools of water combined with the ambient music coming from the school halls; the moon, illuminating certain areas and causing the splashes of rain to appear as if tiny water sprites danced along the ground to the rhythm of the moment before hiding once again in the shadows. This moment of simple beauty was theirs. It was not the rains’ or his thoughts’. It did not belong to the chill air or the moon. This moment, this timeless, brief moment within their lifetimes would never be forgotten.

[Caitlin Collins]

Staring at the ground below the hedge opposite her, Caitlin was acutely aware that Kai had been leaning towards her when she turned. What was that? If it really meant anything. She had just met him after all. But what really worried her was that for a single second she had also been drawn towards him. And that scared her. She hadn’t felt a connection like this for months, and now it was happening without warning it was quite intimidating. She didn’t want to get close to anyone else... it hurt so much the last time. And she didn’t want to get close to anyone else that she might start talking about how she felt... because that would be a sure recipe for disaster. This was a whole barrel of worms that didn’t need opening.

As he replied that he was only chilled occasionally due to her presence, Caity was becoming more and more aware of how right this felt, sitting here next to him. And as nice as it might be in a normal situation or to a normal person, she was apparently not allowed to be normal any more... And truly, considering what she had ended up feeling the last time she had allowed someone to get close, it was hardly surprising that she was shying away from this. Another self-defence mechanism her brain had developed since Mallan’s suicide.

Her heart was telling her to stay... but her head was telling her to go. And since she hadn’t received any messages of this nature from her heart in a while, she made up her mind fairly quickly. Without much warning at all, Cait was suddenly moving, twisting away from Kai’s arm and standing. Turning to face him, she pasted a smile onto her face, the fake Caitlin suddenly firmly back in place. Too much risk. Just think what happened last time you put yourself out, she reminded herself. Although thinking about that was enough to strain the fake smile. Perhaps don’t think about that until you’re up in your dormitory.

”I’m... gonna go now,” she murmured, becoming aware that she still had his jacket on and quickly slipping it off. Hesitating for a moment, she handed it back to Kai, not meeting his eyes. ”Thanks. I’ll see you around.” A couple more steps and she was heading away from him and back out into the rain, heading for the side doors. This had been a bad idea, coming. She wouldn’t be making the same mistake again.

[kairava]

It was so right, so perfect… at least those were the words to describe their moment a few breaths before. Without a word she stood and Kai could not decipher her smile. He knew it was fake, knew it was not meant for him but still, it was there. Still it mocked him in his loss. He poured through his mind in a multitude of attempts to discern why she was leaving; he knew she was leaving... The connection that poured life into the moment was cut off and with a sharp and resounding pain it snapped back, putting Kai in a state of confusion. He could not think, could not react before she already had his coat off. His hand reflexively accepted the coat while he halfway began to rise off of the bench in a confused and resisted motion to stop her while his eyes never left hers. All the words he wanted to say were caught in his throat. Before he knew it, she was gone; back inside and he was left alone. Sitting back down, not even thinking to put his coat back on, Kai sat there, surrounded with music that his ears no longer heeded and rain that fell in silence, an unwelcome silence, a lonely silence…