After the Meeting (Cait)

[D'rorah Philosophy]

At Caitlin's somewhat noncommittal reply, D'rorah began to lead the way away from the rest of the group, opening the door to the Elemental Wind room. She felt herself greeted by a breeze which carried, it seemed, the hint of a mist on it. "[blue]Please, come in,[/blue]" she directed. Wherever the conversation might eventually lead, she was certain it would be best left to a private venue, rather than out amongst everyone else.

D'rorah lead the way into the room and seated herself on the grass. In here, it was a lovely spring day with a nearby babbling brook and several willow trees which swayed in a continual gentle breeze. The breeze today was tinged with a hint of mist, as though in homage to Caitlin as a new guest. Taking a deep breath, D'rorah gestured for Caitlin to take a seat alongside her. "[blue]Please, make yourself comfortable,[/blue]" she requested politely. "[blue]I have several matters which I wish to discuss with you. As was pointed out tonight, I may not always come across as the most accessible person... or as though I am not concerned. However, I admit that I have noticed that your emotional state ever since... Mister Baine's passing has seemed to steadily deteriorate. I can think of several reasons for this. Of course, I know that the two of you were very close... and his loss painful.[/blue]" Here D'rorah paused, taking a deep breath of her own. She felt more guilt over Mallan's death than she had for Paul or Mordred... Paul had never even joined with her. She hadn't been sure that he was the Master of Wind until she had felt his death. Mordred, had rushed off on his own, half-cocked, as it were. He had never given D'rorah the chance to protect him as a Shadow Warrior ought.

But Mallan... she had sent him off to China to train... and she was almost certain his mental decline had been a result of the torture she had undergone at the hands of so-called Ministry officials. She should have been free to help him through what he was experiencing. But instead she had been trapped in the bowels of the Ministry. "[blue]But, what I noticed tonight was the attack of your teammates on your personal views of war,[/blue]" she paused and met Caitlins eyes, as though seeking confirmation of that fact. "[blue]I was sincere in what I said earlier. Each one of us has strength, weaknesses, and even beliefs which are somehow important to winning this war. So, even though it seems impossible, even the views of a pacifist have their place.[/blue]" She shifted and leaned closer to Caitlin. "[blue]Your beliefs are important to this cause. I hope that you will defend yourself if the need arises, but I also hope you will not do anything which trespasses against your own personal convictions. And do not allow yourself to feel lessened by what others might say. The element of Metal is notoriously harsh, rigid in thought and in action. Water tends to be... a strong force, but one that acts more subtley, over time.[/blue]"

D'rorah waited then, interested to see whether or not she had hit the mark... hoping she hadn't gotten things terribly wrong. The last thing she wanted was to risk alienating Caitlin more than she already was.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caity waited for D’rorah’s reply with about as much interest as she had responded herself a few moments ago. There was a wariness in her expression but mostly just neutrality. She wasn’t sure what Dee wanted to talk about, and wondered how long it would take any others to filter out of the room. Although if they wanted to stay and talk to her as well, then privacy might be difficult... and she didn’t want to have a talk with Dee out in the open where anyone could listen in, especially if this conversation was going to be what about she thought it was going to be about. She’d rather not have another person chastise her for thinking and believing differently to pretty much all the other lightfighters, from what she could make it. But if she did have to be, it could at least be where no one else could hear.

When D’rorah turned around and started off in the direction of one of the rooms to the side, Caity did not immediately process what she was doing. A few second later, though, she was on her feet and following the older Ravenclaw. The moment the door opened she could feel a breeze hitting her. It didn’t calm her like the slight breeze in the Elemental Room of Water did, instead just producing a shiver and goosebumps on her arms. The sight of water in the stream did make her feel a little more at home, though, and as she entered she felt a little mist in the air. That did relax her and the goosebumps faded. When she was invited to sit she made sure to go on the side closest to the stream, feeling more comfortable the closer she was to her element. And Dee had said to make herself comfortable.

She listened in silence, that neutral expression still on her face but obviously still paying attention despite it. The moment Mallan’s name came up though, her eyes were averted away from D’rorah and her lips took a definite downward movement. It was strange to hear him referred to as ‘Mister Baine’, but it still associated itself immediately with his face and the pain. Even now, so many months later, it still hurt to just hear a less common version of his name, causing too many nasty, bittersweet memories to come up. And then the matter of her uncommon views about war came up... and much to her surprise, D’rorah was not condemning them as everyone else who had spoken of them had so far. She focussed on this point, the much less painful point but slightly more confusing.

Glancing back with the change of topic, Caitlin met Dee’s eyes once then looked away again. It truly did seem impossible that her views could have a place in this war. She’d only met hostility for them so far, and was beginning to come round to the idea that she needed to change to meet their needs. Except it seemed so wrong, so messed up that she should change her ways and views because of a war, when before she had never seen the purpose in them. And she couldn’t just change like that. You couldn’t just disregard beliefs like they never existed... you could pretend, but when it came down to it, everything would fall apart. Practicing and learning how to fight would her no good if when she was actually in a fight, she found that she couldn’t bring herself to put it into practice.

When Caity realised Dee had stopped talking and was apparently waiting for a response, she wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was the total opposite of what she had been expecting in one respect and the total opposite to what she wanted to talk about in another. She addressed the surprise factor first. ”How am I supposed to be useful in this... war...” As usual, the word left a sour edge to her already quiet tone. ”How... if I don’t want to fight? I know you need me, I know it’s important, but if you say pacifism can have a place in a war... how?” She wasn’t entirely sure she’d phrased that very well, but had hopefully gotten the point across. She had just been told to not let what the others were saying get to her... but it was still very difficult to not be belittled by them when they were obviously so much more suited to this kind of situation. She honestly couldn’t see how she could help them get rid of the evil and not fight.

She paused for a while before speaking again, this time on the slightly more sensitive topic. Not that she really said a lot on it before trailing off. “Mallan...” She broke off again and sighed quietly, not sure what to say on the matter. She was well aware that her reaction to his death was not in the least bit healthy to her wellbeing, and also that it was not getting any better. ”I... I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m supposed to react, what I’m supposed to do, shouldn’t I be over the whole thing by now anyway? It’s been months... and it won’t go away... won’t stop hurting...” She found it helped if she pretended D’rorah wasn’t there and just stared at the stream, watching the water as is trickled past. Her voice was strained, even quieter than before and she tried not to think too much as she spoke; just let the words come out. ”I don’t know why he did it, I can’t understand... And I don’t wanna go there, where it happened,” she added in what could only be described as a whisper. "I miss him..." The last sentence was aimed more at herself, acknowledging it, than for Dee's ears, although she had probably still heard. She blinked rapidly a few times to forgo the tears that were threatening. This was why she never allowed herself to think or speak of him around other people. She would not cry, she'd done plenty enough crying since the new year anyway. She didn't need to again.

Her hands were clenched together again, one finger rubbing up and down the makeshift bandage Susan had done for her. She was almost certain the blood had stopped by now, but it would be stained already, she thought haphazardly. She’d have to get the Gryffindor another. Reminding herself of D'rorah's presence she inwardly winced at everything she had said. She didn't like revealing so much to other people. In fact, she never revealed that much to other people. She turned her neck stiffly to glance hurriedly at Dee's face, meeting her eyes for a moment to see the reaction.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah had seen Caitlin's eyes jerk away and her lips pull downwards into a pained frown as she mentioned Mallan. She had been right, at least, that his death was a part of the problem... a large part. And that expression shifted to surprise as she moved to the topic of Caitlin's pacifism. Apparently she had expected a lecture about her viewpoints, and she supposed that was to be expected after enduring berating from Keaira, and she suspected Zane as well. Caitlin hardly seemed to want to meet her gaze as she spoke, and even once she began speaking, her eyes mostly remained set on the nearby brook. Well, it was good to have it there if it made her feel more comfortable. D'rorah let her speak, voicing her questions and concerns as best she could. Even when she paused before moving to the topic of Mallan, D'rorah kept silent, knowing she was not yet done.

She could see the tears as Caitlin spoke of Mallan, could see the way her hands clenched together as she tried to fight them back. When she finally met D'rorah's gaze with a hasty glance, D'rorah tried to make her eyes as understanding as she was able. "[blue]You will miss him. It is very difficult to lose someone you care about... especially when it feels so long before the proper time.[/blue]" She breathed deeply, her head shaking slightly. "[blue]You must know he cared about you very much, but he was in a strange environment... and he was enduring my torture at the hands of the Ministry just as much as I was. I do not believe he completely understood what was happening himself.[/blue]" Her voice dropped to the level of a hushed whisper and her eyes dropped to her lap as she made a confession that she had been berating herself with mercilessly ever since she had recovered the capacity for emotion. "[blue]I should have been there to protect him...[/blue]"

Carefully, she pushed the emotion back, wary to allowing herself too much freedom in this area. She knew it would be good to allow the others to see that she did indeed have the capacity for emotion, but she had to carefully balance that with a need to keep her emotions in check, for the sakes of all their minds. She raised her eyes to meet Caitlin's once again. "[blue]We must continue to strive against darkness, so that the loss of all those we have held dear will not have been for naught. Somehow, remembering them makes it easier... though it may not seem so at first.[/blue]" This last D'rorah said as though to herself, thinking more of her parents than of Mallan. She pushed a wayward tear from her cheek and took a deep breath, shaking her head slightly at herself.

And then, eager to move onto slightly less emotionally trying subject, she returned to the subject of Caitlin's pacifism. "[blue]The others have not yet come to realize this... or, some of them have not... but every war must have its peacemakers. The difficulty of the Shadow Wars has always resided in the need for balance. We cannot destroy darkness. It must be tempered and brought back into balance, but not destroyed. The Mage, who has brought about the imbalance is the one who must be destroyed, and the Shadows returned to their realm... but complete annihilation of all darkness would be ill-advised.[/blue]" She smiled slightly, a reassuring gesture. "[blue]You were chosen to be a part of this group because we need you. All of us were chosen because we bring some special quality which is necessary for victory.[/blue]"

[Caitlin Collins]

With her timid personality, it really was no surprise that Caitlin had been expecting a lecture rather than support. She had a natural inclination to please people, and always had done, but when pleasing your allies meant going against core beliefs, it was rather more difficult than usual. She wondered if whoever or whatever it was that was choosing the Elementals Masters and Shadow Warriors would have picked her at all if she’d stayed in India... would she have been safe there? Ignorance and therefore bliss, as the saying went? Or would she have been worse off, not knowing the dangers, not having herself challenged as she had been this past half-year? More pointless what ifs. She had never understood quite how pointless they were until this year.

She was half-grateful that Dee had not interrupted at all, and half not – because either way, had D’rorah interrupted it would have stopped Caitlin saying any more. When she met her eyes, she was surprised to see some level of understanding from the Ravenclaw prefect that she had not been expecting. Although what she was saying didn’t exactly help to alleviate the pain, it did in some ways help to know that she might know what she was going through, and understand why. Not that that was really comforting in itself, because it meant that D’rorah had probably had some experience of this. It hadn’t occurred to her that Mallan would have experienced the torture as well, but it gave her another vein to think about why he might have done it. It did seem more and more that his suicide could have been prevented had whoever was in China been paying attention to him. Surely a teenage boy could not just be left to go mad and kill himself without someone noticing something was wrong?

”You couldn’t be there,” she murmured softly, turning her head back to watch the brook. It helped, a little. ”And it’s not like it matters now anyway. It’s done, there’s no point finding the blame.” This was similar to what she had been saying to Zee about Gat – that there was no point blaming the boy now for what he had done and the side he had chosen. He had paid the price for it, whether it was his own fault or others’ fault for manipulating him. What was the point in blaming him now?

Glancing back she could see visible emotions on Dee’s face and was a little surprised. Her surprise increased tenfold when she saw the tear get wiped away, although she tried not to show it too much on her face. She could sense that the way D’rorah had gotten through whatever grief it was she could relate to had been to use it to channel determination. She could also somehow sense that that grief was not for Mallan, but had probably been before Caitlin had even come to Hogwarts. She remembered her initial thoughts on how she had to remember Mallan because that was all that was left of him now... and the later thoughts that remembering him was so torturous, but if she got rid of those memories then she’d be destroying what was left of him. It was still torturous, but she was slowly, ever so slowly, getting used to it. Her own eyes were still damp, but she didn’t let any of the tears fall.

She listened with discernible doubt in her expression as D’rorah talked of peacemakers in the war. She might prefer peace, but she wasn’t all that sure she’d be very good at creating it between what would surely be dire enemies by the end of all this. Especially since she didn’t exactly have a lot of confidence among her own allies. ”What exactly... is the Mage?” she asked, the question suddenly occurring to her as the matter of destroying her came up. ”Is she inhabiting a human body? Is she actually human? Or was she?” Another few questions came to mind and she spoke them quickly, following straight on from the others. She wasn’t sure if they would be able to be answered, but since this seemed to be an opportune moment why not try? She had always liked to know as much as possible about a situation before deciding something or making a judgement. Otherwise it just didn’t seem fair.

”Who, or what, is it that’s choosing us anyway? Do we know? And if we’re all specifically chosen, what happens when someone... gets replaced?” She hesitated on those last few words before deciding on the phrasing. ”Does the replacement replace the specific quality that was lost previously? Or bring a different quality? Because if it’s a different quality, then how can they each be necessary for victory? And what about Gat?” she continued. It was the most she’d spoken in a long time, but now the questions just wouldn’t stop spilling out of her mouth. ”What quality would he have brought? The lightfighters didn’t exactly... need him.” She didn’t notice how when she said lightfighters she seemed to leave herself out by naming them in that way. ”And... why would a complete annihilation of darkness be ill-advised? If it was possible.” The questions stopped flowing abruptly and she fell silent again, hoping that she would get answers at least to some of them.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

"[blue]Wisely spoken,[/blue]" replied D'rorah to Caitlin's statement that there was no point in assigning blame for Mallan's death. "[blue]Even so, I believe we both know that what one thinks and what one feels come to be at odds from time to time.[/blue]"

It wasn't long before she'd finished speaking on the Shadow Wars that she was met with a barrage of questions. She had to continually remind herself that the others had not grown up training with the Order, hearing the stories until they became an ingrained part of each person's internal mythology. D'rorah had additionaly spent countless hours researching, separating fact from legend. Hopefully it would all pay off in the end. She waited until all of the questions had tumbled out and stillness hung in the air for a moment before trying to answer. This was good, a healthy curiosity. She imagined the others had questions like this, but never thought to actually vocalize them.

Drawing a deep breath, she opened her mouth to speak. "[blue]I shall begin with your questions and go from there,[/blue]" she began. "[blue]The Mage, Dark Phoenix, was a human being. Centuries ago, she was a girl, a young woman, just as we are now. She came to be academically interested in the Dark Arts, and found she had an affinity for them. That affinity is what initially brought her to Yang's attention. At the time, all was in balance in this realm and there were no Shadow Warriors or Elemental Masters. The original generation had slowly died natural deaths in the preceding century after maintaining a healthy balance for many years. He knew it was a perfect time to begin cultivating a new protege in this realm, and Dark Phoenix was a perfect fit. She learned quickly, and was adept with Shadow Magic... after decades of cultivating her art, she began to gradually change into something... less human. It was not until she came to have more in common with wraiths and reapers that she was able to make the Shadow Realm her permanent dwelling. That happened nearly one and one-half centuries into her training, from my best calculations. And that was the point at which she offcially earned the title of Shadow Mage... and that is the point at which she began slowly working to undermine the careful balance between Light and Dark in this realm. At first, she simply meddled in human affairs, causing wars, plagues, many members of the Order even believe she was the driving force behind Lord Voldemort's rise to power. She knew he would usher in an era of darkness which would easily cause the imbalance she needed to place the power firmly in her hand and bring Yang into this realm to take control of it.[/blue]"

"[blue]It was not until the balance began to tip, around the time of the Persian Wars, that Lightfighters began to reappear. Each time was a steady building, Lightfighters coming into being and fighting off darkness for a time before dying. A Lightfighter does live a slightly longer life than the average witch or wizard, the first group lived some four hundred years before dying of old age. The Mage however, does not seem to age in any manner that we have been able to discern. So, in the case of those she could not kill, she simply waited them out. In many cases, Shadow Warriors and Elemental Masters of the past generations could not find their matches, and were thus easily picked off. Somehow, the last generation of Lightfighters managed a major victory during the second World War... they were killed, but Dark Phoenix was dealt a harsh enough blow that things were in balance for a time, so no new Lightfighters were... "called", I suppose would be the proper verb. However, as we know, with the rise of the Dark Lord, things were again taken out of balance, and Dark Phoenix continues to work to bring more and more darkness into our world. That is why we are here.[/blue]"

She paused, thinking for a moment. "[blue]I do not know for certain who or what chooses us. Master Xiu thought it was the Elemental Light itself that sought out those with the brightest spark for each element, or that perhaps Yin somehow chose us as we were needed. I do know that if a Shadow Warrior or Elemental Master dies while the world is out of balance, another is immediately called to replace him or her. The only way to break that cycle is to capture all five of the Elemental Orbs... which is why they must be carefully guarded by the Elemental Masters. Of course, I use the word "replace", but a human being can never really be replaced. Each one of us somehow has a specific set of abilities that are helpful in this war... however, as the group changes, the dynamic of the group shifts slightly. The unknown pattern shifts and changes... it changes even as we who have already been called change. Nothing exists in absolute certainty when human beings are involved. However, for victory, each member is necessary... I do not know how the pieces fit together, but I know that all of the pieces must be present, and they all must come together.[/blue]"

"[blue]Mister Soldier was a peculiar case. He defected because he did not truly understand the nature of the balance between Light and Dark. We needed him... we would never be able to defeat the Mage without all of the Elemental Masters and Shadow Warriors because pure Light must be summoned to destroy her... and there cannot be pure light without all of the Elements. When the group is not whole, all we can do is fight against her, hold her back, turn the balance back toward Light as much as possible until we can all come together. But actual victory can only come at the hands of all.[/blue]"

She looked toward Caitlin as she thought about her question regarding complete annihilation of darkness. "[blue]The answer to this question would make much more sense if you were to experience the Shadow Realm. I can show you, but being there makes merely seeing a representation a very inadequate substitute indeed.[/blue]"

D'rorah grasped her wand and waved it, and suddenly everything around them turned to blackness. The air reeked of decay. In in the distance, a volcano erupted, sporadically bathing the surroundings in a faint, and very inadequate, red glow. To the South was an enormous fortress, turrets guarded by Shadows and Wraiths. All the earth was barren rock and soil, with a few strange, scraggly, twisted black plants sprouting up here and there. The whole aura of the place was a desolate hopelessness. D'rorah's voice sounded in the darkness. "[blue]Here, you see the effects of complete annihilation of Light from a realm. This land was once much like earth, there were areas that were lush and green... there were actual living creatures, and sunlight.[/blue]" She waved her wand again and the vision was gone. "[blue]A realm with absolutely no darkness would be much the same, only lit instead by blinding light. Things become scorched and useless. I cannot show you a realm where darkness was destroyed... no one can visit them except Yin himself because the Light is too powerful there. It is the same in the Shadow Realm... nothing truly alive can exist there long; only Shadows, Wraiths, Reapers, the Mage, and Yang himself. So you see, balance is what we must strive for... complete elimination of Light or Dark would not bode well. Once balance is restored, the world will be healthy again. Typically, balance is easy to Maintain when there is no Shadow Mage. Yin does not interfere in the realms of the living; he understands the value of the balance. Yang however, would like nothing more than realms upon realms of his Shadow creatures and beings of darkness. It is that endless drive for conquest which causes this struggle... and it is that drive which must be tempered.[/blue]" Here D'rorah stopped, feeling like she'd answered more than she'd been asked and afraid she might have lost her audience along the way. But then, she never had been one for simple answers. Years of research had taught her the value of being thorough.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caitlin could completely agree with that first statement that D’rorah made. Thinking and feeling... really didn’t tie together as well as they probably should. That was the whole issue with the knowing this war needed to be fought but not wanting to fight herself. Thoughts versus feelings. Sometimes they would work together. She knew that she had near-constant thoughts about Mallan, backed up by near-constant feelings of missing him and various other strands of grief. They certainly worked well together to cause her a far amount of trouble.

It seemed that D’rorah did have some of the answers she sought and Caity turned her head back, away from the stream, so she would be able to listen, and hopefully understand, a bit easier. As she did listen, she began to realise just how much of the Shadow Wars there was to know about. All this history to it, which she had half-known existed, but never really thought about before. It was interesting, but kind of worrying at the same time... all this experience Dark Phoenix had, and apart from Dee the majority of lightfighters had very little. She nodded occasionally to show she understood, but other than that kept silent.

Lord Voldemort was a subject she was not particularly knowledgeable about, but she understood enough. She’d read a book on the subject once and it appeared he had inflicted quite some damage on the wizarding world before being defeated. It didn’t seem too unlikely that Dark Phoenix could have been behind that, from what she knew of the Mage. What she was being told all seemed very uncertain and mysterious, but she guessed that could be expected. Knowing all the answers would be far too easy for something that had thus far proved very complicated.

Making the group whole was going to be very difficult, not even taking into account that not all the lightfighters were accounted for. Perhaps this meeting tonight had helped a little, but there was still so much resentment and dislike and complications between various members, herself included. More drastic measures might need to be taken, but she had no idea on what those might be. D’rorah might have described her as a peacemaker, but she was well aware of how stubborn she could be if she thought she was right. Should she not have argued back to Zee when he had been disagreeing with her? It didn’t seem to make much sense to her, but nothing was making sense right now. She was just struggling through, like exploring pitch black tunnels – hoping to make the right decisions, constantly doubting whether she’d done the right thing or not.

She was not expecting the shadow realm to suddenly be procured where she sat and jerked quickly to her feet, half-turning as a gasp escaped her lips at the sudden darkness. The quick intake of air made her cough as the decaying smell set in and she turned again, taking in all her surroundings. She turned back to Dee as she spoke again, slowly coming to understand the predicament. Part of her reason her going along with this whole war was that you had to keep trying, had to keep looking forward to a time when you wouldn’t need to fight against darkness. But apparently that truly was impossible... and knowing that was sort of... well... crushing. What hope she might have regained from D’rorah’s reassurance that pacifism was okay faded as she stared dully around. She wondered vaguely what reapers were, not having heard that term before, but dismissed it. It would just be similar to shadows and wraiths – another creature of darkness to worry about.

The silence suddenly overwhelmed her and she realised that Dee wasn’t talking anymore. [yellow]”Can... can we go back now?”[/yellow] she asked quietly, not sure how to phrase ‘going back’ since technically they hadn’t moved or gone anywhere. She wasn’t sure what else to say – her questions had dried up with this new revelation. One last enquiry came to her lips, though it did not really pass through a thought process before being voiced. [yellow]”So... if a new Shadow Mage will always come out to tip the balance... does it over stop?”[/yellow] she said softly, staring at the ground beneath her feet once again. Turning her head one last time to where the stream had been before, all she saw was a dried hollow, not a drip of liquid in it. Although she had thought she’d voiced her last, another one came to mind as she pondered the opposite of this. [yellow]”Those creatures, in a realm of light... were they there originally? Or is it people who’ve gone there and changed; adapted?”[/yellow] The idea of such a place, where darkness didn’t exist was strangely enticing even though she had just been told nothing truly living could survive there. Humans could go to the shadow realm for short periods, she knew that much. Was it possible to visit a place like that?

[D'rorah Philosophy]

Not much sooner than she had stopped speaking, D'rorah heard yet a few more questions from Caitlin. It was gratifying to feel, for once, that all her hours of research had not been wasted. While she had been mostly combing for chants and fighting strategies that had been successful in the past, she had come to know the history of the Shadow Wars very intimately. In fact, she thought to herself, she probably knew more detail about the past of the Shadow Wars than anyone... maybe even more than Master Xiu.

"[blue]I can stop...[/blue]" she replied, thinking for a moment. "[blue]I began with the beginnings of Dark Phoenix, however, the history goes further back than that. When this realm was first created, Light and Darkness were in balance. Yin was guardian of the Elemental Light, and he was the one who divided Pure Light into the five Elements we know now. For each Element, he assigned a Dragon to be a guardian. The Dragons however, disappeared many years ago... or at least, were no longer active in any way that humans could perceive. Yang was the guardian of the Elemental Darkness. However, he refused to divide Darkness into Elements as Yin did, preferring to keep control to himself.[/blue]"

"[blue]With control of Darkness, Yang began working to bring the balance into his favor, that he might control the realm himself. When he did, Yin called his Dragons together and beseeched the ultimate Creator to assist him in banishing Yang so he could no longer threaten the balance. So, for many centuries, things were in balance and all was peaceful. It was not until an overly-ambitious Dark Arts Master in ancient history called Yang forth and drew upon his powers that he was released from his banishment. He created his first Shadow Mage then, because even though his powers were freed, he could not act directly in this realm. The imbalance caused by the first Mage was what began the cycle of calling Elemental Masters and Shadow Warriors. And, with time, a group finally managed to defeat that Shadow Mage. However, they did not realize that the heart of the problem was Yang's having been freed from banishment, and so he was left free to seek out another Shadow Mage, Dark Phoenix, and to attempt to take control once again.[/blue]"

"[blue]Master Xiu and I both believe that this time the ultimate Creator has once again taken notice of what has happened. For the first time ever, all of the Lighfighters have been called together in one location. Past generations always had to search for others... and many of the Elemental Masters and Shadow Warriors never joined with their matches. I believe that this time our duty is to not only defeat the Shadow Mage, but to once again banish Yang so that he can no longer act to undermine the balance between Light and Dark. If we can successfully banish Yang, the cycle will End, because without Yang, there is no one to seek out a new Shadow Mage.[/blue]" She took a deep breath before continuing on. "[blue]So, I suppose the answer to your unasked question is that yes, there is hope. One day, things may be peaceful and whole. As for the beings in the realms where Light is all that is left, all I know is that humans would be unable to adapt to the Pure Light. You see, even good people have at least a small amount of darkness inside of them. We all have lusts, drives, fears, and passions that are not good. So, just as any living thing that enters a realm of Darkness would die, any living thing that enters a realm of Light would die simply because part of that living being would be overwhelmed. And no living thing can go on with only pieces of its core self intact. Yes, Dark Phoenix did begin as a human being, but she is now no more human than the Shadow Creatures she commands. She must live in the Shadow Realm because Light weakens her. Certainly, she has a great tolerance for it simply because she is a very powerful creature, but she could no more live in our realm as it is than we could live in hers. Unlike Yang, Yin would never do anything of the like to a human... like the ultimate Creator, Yin finds some particular value in humanity, despite our many and severely pronounced flaws.[/blue]" At this last, D'rorah let out a small dry laugh and shook her head. With an ironic smile on her face, she brought her eyes to Caitlin again.

"[blue]And so, does any part of this make more sense to you now than it did when we began? And have you yet convinced yourself of the fact that you have a valuable role to play within this group?[/blue]"

[Caitlin Collins]

It was a relief to breathe fresh air again once the illusion dissipated with a wave of D’rorah’s hand. She slowly sat down again after a few moments, glancing at the stream to see that it was back in place with water running down it, making that lovely rippling noise she’d always liked. Even before she’d come to Hogwarts and had to deal with all of this, streams and brooks had always sounded musical to her.

Although she was relieved to hear that it could stop, that wasn’t exactly conclusive. Not that she had thought it would be, but still. Not as good as completely getting rid of it, but better than the fight going on forever. There might always be something to fight against, but nothing quite as severe as this, which had equated into a war.

She unwittingly found herself drawn into what Dee was saying, having never really heard the whole story behind this. It was like one of the fantasy stories she had so often read in the past, except this... this was real, astonishingly enough. The topic came up about how lightfighters were being drawn to Hogwarts, and then how some previous Elemental Masters and Shadow Warriors never bonded, which made her think of how long it had been since Gat’s death. Quite a while, although it seemed longer because of how long it had been since she’d actually seen him. She’d never had a true Elemental Master, but thought of what might have happened had she bonded with Gat. Completely irrelevant she knew, because it had been after he disappeared to the Shadow Realm that she discovered she was a Shadow Warrior, but even so... would that have saved him? Bonding to her surely would have imparted all that she had been told by the other lightfighters, so he would have understood his fate and maybe been able to avoid it... [yellow]Pointless...[/yellow] she berated herself, turning her mind away from that subject.

She unwillingly nodded at the explanation of why she nor anyone else could ever survive in these realms of light. She understand what was being said, and was perfectly aware that she had flaws, it was just... a pity. [yellow]”How many other people are there other than those already here and in China? Are there other places too, or just those two?”[/yellow] she asked during D’rorah’s slight pause to laugh, not exactly smiling in return but not frowning either.

[yellow]”Yes, it makes sense... mostly,”[/yellow] she agreed, her knowledge on why she was ‘fighting’ having been significantly expanded from what she had already known. She was certain that if she could keep her thoughts focussed on the topic then she could come up with many more questions, but her mind wasn’t so good at concentrating recently. [yellow]”And... yeah, I guess...”[/yellow] she replied to the latter question, not sounding entirely convinced. She still wasn’t sure on that part, but guessed that the easiest way to see about that would be to just carry on as she was for now, and see how badly it ended up. A small sigh escaped her. She had never been so pessimistic before. But even so, she knew she was needed as the Shadow Warrior of Water. She just wasn’t convinced that she was needed as Caitlin Collins, the girl who won’t fight.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

D'rorah's look turned thoughtful as Caitlin asked how many there were. The Order of Light had reaches far and wide, operatives and allies in every part of the world. "[blue]The only number I could give would be an educated guess, at best. For obvious reasons, the identities of those who are friends of the Order of Light is a closely guarded secret. Even Master Xiu himself does not directly know all of them. For reasons of safety and security, some contacts are only reached through layers of communication. It can be inefficient at times, but in the event that someone is captured, it limits the amount of information that could potentially be gleaned. Even the most steadfast and disciplined person has been known to divulge information once faced with the tactics of Dark Phoenix...[/blue]" here she trailed off for a moment, thinking of the times she had spent in the Shadow Realm. Not allowing herself to dwell on the thought, however, she lifted her eyes and spoke again. "[blue]I would estimate that, counting the Order's allies, operative, and active supporters, the numbers would range between ten and fifty thousands. That excludes those who merely count themselves as "friends" of the Order... people whose allegiance has never extended beyond mere casual words[/blue]"

She could hear the uncertainty in Caitlin's voice in response to her last questions. But at least it was uncertainty. If she had asked the same question at the beginning of this meeting, D'rorah was fairly certain the answer would have been a more certain "no". It would take time for her attitude to shift completely, especially given the sort of responses she had gotten previously from her fellow Lightfighters. D'rorah knew pushing the point further wouldn't do much good at the moment, so she resolved to offer one last statement. "[blue]As I said before of the Realms of Light and the Shadow Realms, people cannot exist in pieces. If you are here, it is because you are needed--whole and as you are. Do not expect everyone to agree with or to see truth simply because it is true. Likewise, do not discount truth simply because others do not believe it.[/blue]" She offered a smile as she rose to her feet. "[blue]Come, if we remain too long I fear the others may begin to think I have... done something to you.[/blue]"

[Caitlin Collins]

Caitlin was not expecting a huge number of people to be involved, having hardly seen any huge scale of the lightfighters so far. All she knew of was a few students and one or two adults at Hogwarts, and then some distant training place halfway across the world. There had never been any mention she could think of to do with lots of activity against the Shadow Mage. Just... lots of activity against the lightfighters. The mention of Dark Phoenix’s tactics caused a grimace to slide across her face thinking of both the “tactics” and the Shadow Mage herself. Although she wasn’t sure if she really hated the woman yet, as she knew a fair few of her fellow lightfighters did, she was the one subconsciously blamed for Mallan’s death and everything else that had happened due to this war.

So, she was completely unprepared for the massive number that D’rorah came up with, and just a little disbelieving at first. It was just so hard to get your head round that high a number anyway, let alone when thinking of just how many people were on their side. [yellow]”Ten... fifty thousand?!”[/yellow] she murmured half to herself, hardly hearing the continuation of Dee’s description of the numbers. [yellow]”I... wow... I didn’t think... How does that compare to the Mage?”[/yellow] she finally got out, stumbling a bit as she spoke.

Caitlin nodded mutely in reply to the attempt at reassurance. She didn’t agree with it, but didn’t voice any disagreement either. Mostly because disagreement seemed like far too much effort when people apparently weren’t going to listen to what she said anyway. Although Dee had been listening this time... but she also seemed very certain on this topic. She was saying how people couldn’t exist in pieces... but Caity felt as though she had been in pieces for far too long now. She could live like it, just not in any degree of comfort or happiness. It probably wasn’t exactly what was meant went Dee said it, but that was how it was interpreted.

The corners of her lips rose in the automated half-smile she had used so many times these past few months in response to Dee’s own smile, and stiffly rose to her feet, throwing one last glance at the stream behind her. At some point it might be good to go to the Elemental Room of Water... but she really wasn’t sure she wanted to do that. It would just bring back memories.

[D'rorah Philosophy]

At Caitlin's last question, D'rorah thought for several moments, drawing from her own knowledge of the Shadow Wars. "[blue]I know less of the Mage's numbers than I do of our own, however I believe it would be safe to venture that her force of humans is far smaller--perhaps a few thousands. Her army of creatures from the Shadow Realm, however, is a number I cannot even begin to estimate... that is, of course, counting many very weak Shadows which could even be defeated with a well-placed patronus.[/blue]"

She opened the door to the Elemental room of Wind, stepping out into the main chamber where the meeting had been earlier. Knowing that Caitlin was a prefect, at least they didn't have to worry she would be caught out after curfew. However, D'rorah did not want to risk the two of them being seen together. D'rorah knew the Mage watched the people around her closely through her own network and spies and informants. "[blue]Good evening. And feel free to find me again for any further questions you may have.[/blue]" With that, she offered one last reassuring smile and swept off, scanning the hallway outside for any presence before opening the door quietly and slipping through, bound for the fourth floor and the Ravenclaw common room.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caity nodded again at the description of the Shadow Mage's numbers, a little dubious at how many supporters the lightfighters seemed to have compared to Dark Phoenix. If they were so strong, why were people still disappearing and dying every time you looked away for a second? And not only that, but why on earth were Hogwarts students being chosen for EMs and SWs by whatever great force was controlling this whole thing, when there were thousands and thousands of others to choose from? It didn't make sense. Someone experienced at fighting who knew everything to do with this war would surely be far better than herself.

Exiting the Elemental Room of Wind behind D'rorah, she nodded once more in response to Dee's reassurance and glanced around the room as she left, her eyes resting on the door to the Elemental Room of Water. It would be so nice... just for a little while... but if only it wouldn't keep bringing back those memories. Her feet made their way towards the wooden door and she paused for a long while outside, one hand half reached out to open it.

Then without warning a flash resonated in her vision and the door was burning. She jumped back quickly, stumbling away and then, it wasn't burning. The flames were all gone. Had she imagined it? Stepping back again, Caity hurried away towards the outer door. That was quite enough of the room of requirement for her for now. She kept the injured hand in her pocket in case she did come across any teachers who might want to know what had happened, and made her way directly back to the Hufflepuff common room. Sleep, however, was probably going to evade her for a long while yet.