one for sorrow

[Keaira O'Connell]

On the fifth floor there happened to be a teachers lounge, and a prefects bathroom. Aside from them, nothing of note was every really addressed on that particular floor. It was because of this, that the fifth floor was the perfect place to go when one was hoping to find solitude during the hours of the day. Most of the rooms on the floor were old classrooms, unused, and barely remembered. These long forgotten places of learning had been transformed over the many years into places of shadows and dust, cobwebs, and cold stone floors. Yet they were the perfect place for one girl.

Few people would spend time with in one of these abandoned classrooms and feel at home, and yet for some reason a young girl of only 15 had found them to be warmer and more inviting then most places within the halls of Hogwarts. How long had it been since she had first began making these rooms her place of solitude and escape? How long had she been separating herself from those that she once called friends, where had the girl who was once lively, and fun gone? Questions that were likely to remain unanswered.

The stresses of her life had pushed her away from her friends, separated her from the people she had once reached out to. Now, she found herself purposely closing her mind from people, avoiding conversations, taking her meals to these empty rooms so that she could be alone. This girl had even gone as far as to double her medication, keeping more than just her mind numb from those around her. She had taken such measures to ensure that she would not have to face the people in her life that had caused such a shift in her mannerisms.

Zane, he had the most access to her, and she knew that if she choose to cut him out completely he would only press in more to discover the reason for her distance, a result that she wished to avoid. And so she kept meager barriers up mostly to deter him from casually looking in to her mind. After the night in the Astronomy tower she could no longer look at Zane the way she once had.

Alessandro, now he was another thought entirely. Once upon a time she had wished for nothing more than to have his arms wrapped around him. His lips gently pressed against hers while they shared a warm embrace was a fantasy she had dreamed about. Now however, with his mind broken apart, all that she had once held dear about him was gone.

D’rorah, a mentor and a friend she had once looked to the girl for guidance. Now, D’rorah was only a figment of what she had been. She had been taken from them, and her soul damaged beyond repair. As a team they had failed, they allowed one of their own to fall. It seemed that more and more she had become D’rorah’s right hand girl, and then when she was needed the most, she wasn’t there to help. The best she could offer to the girl who was fighting against the darkness, was to cut in to her, and put her though a painful experience… Some friend she was…

Then there was the rest of them. How did they view her after the way she so easily sliced in to D’rorah’s flesh? Those who had been privy to her thoughts as she sent them the chant, knew that she didn’t think the ritual would work. And yet they allowed her to do it anyway. What kind of monsters were they?

And so that was what had been occupying the mind of one female Slytherin. Prefect of her house, daughter of a pure blood family, descendent of Merlin himself, Telepath, and Shadow Warrior of Metal, all parts of one Keaira O’Connell. Now added to that very list was introverted loner, coward, and confused. As the clock ticked past the slow afternoon hours Keaira sat on the floor of an abandoned classroom. Hoping that some day she might gain back the part of her that was lost.

A half eaten green apple adorned the floor a few feet from the girl, near where an old wooden flute played without the help of its master, a soft haunted tune. She hummed along to the familiar melody, whose notes did not leave the room. With the help of a small muting charm, Keaira had blocked the flutes song from leaving, or perhaps she had cast the spell to keep the soft sound of her sobs from reaching the ears of a curious passerby. Either way she knew that right now, she was safely lost in her own reflections. Dying from the inside out.

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

She may have known he was coming. It was hard to say. Thinking it best to talk about everything with her rather than to hope it would all go away, Zee had taken a quick look at her mind to see where she was. Surprisingly, he got no information. Was she blocking him? Had something happened to her? No, she likely was simply maintaining the slight fortifications she had put up as she left him atop the astronomy tower. Curious what exactly she was hiding, if anything, Zee had sought her thoughts again, coming up upon the barriers and very slowly pushing through. He had been subtle as much as he could, and subtlety was one of his fortes. She however had been connecting with other minds for far longer than he had, so she may have felt his presence. He hadn't remained in her thoughts long enough to find out. He saw where she was and saw the dark thoughts that currently consumed her and pulled back, not wishing to seem too intrusive.

Now he hurried up the marble staircase, stopping on the third floor and entering an empty classroom. Disillusioning himself, he quietly stole back out into the hall and up two more floors using some of the lesser used stairwells. His journey took a little longer, but he managed to avoid any other students or faculty. The disillusionment after all was not perfect invisibility. The fifth floor was predictably lacking in near any presence, so once there he quickly reached the abandoned room he knew Keaira to be within. One deep breath and a brief moment to collect his thoughts and Zee cracked the door open just enough to slip in, resealing it behind him.

There she sat, on the floor no less, looking rather pitiful. Much as they had the night he had stepped in to alleviate her nightmares, Zee's knees nearly gave out at the sight. How could he have done this to her? No, he was not fully to blame, but he was in part, in a rather large part, responsible. In his periphery he noticed something lying on the floor and quickly glanced at it before returning his gaze to Keaira. An apple. Some memory that was not his flashed in his mind of apples and mice and the lake.

He heard the soft sad music that the enchanted flute emanated, heard her voice as she hummed along, though it cracked several times from the quiet sobs that occasionally interrupted her. Moving quietly still, Zee knelt behind his shadow warrior and gently wrapped his arms around her even as he dismissed his disillusionment. It reminded him of the last potions class when he had also wrapped his arms around her from behind, though the circumstances and intent were far different then. He whispered again those words that had ignited the whole complicated situation that night.

"Don't cry love."

[Keaira O'Connell]

Keaira O’Connell was not one to normally sulk about as she was right now. In fact Keaira had at once been a girl with great aspirations and a generally carefree attitude. But that was a long time ago now wasn’t it? She had since then grown up a bit and realized that the world was not the rose colored version that she had thought it to bee. In fact the world was very much a cold cruel place, devoid of love, and full of harsh realities.

Not long ago Keaira had been the girl who pushed through the rules to do what she wished, Making up excuses to fit her needs, and generally taking life as it came to her. She had once played the whistle using her own hands, and had taken the time to juggle when the mood hit her, or when the sun was shining, or even when there was a chance to show off. Now she seemed too lost in her head to do the things she had once enjoyed.

A soft meow was heard mixed in with the music that played through the room, It wasn’t a very noticeable noise, but it was enough to draw Keaira’s attention to it. A white short haired cat, was laying next to Keaira, small black stripes were streaked across the cats face and body. It had perked up and her head was swiveled around looking behind Keaira toward the door. Yes, Artemis, and Keaira were both aware that they were no longer alone.

Although Keaira had not noticed the mental touch that Zane had used to discover her location, she had heard the door slid open, and then close again. With that bit of knowledge she had taken a mere second to discover who it was that had disturbed her solitude. With that mere second she looked in to his mind and knew it was Zane.

Zane… each time his name found its way in to her mind it struck a cacophonous chord in her. He caused such dissonance in her that it was difficult being near him. He was her best friend as of right now, but that was part of what made this whole situation difficult. Although Keaira had plenty of acquaintances none of them were truly friends. She had no one to confide in, no one to chat with about her life’s problems. Keaira O’Connell felt that she lacked the one thing a friend should really provide. Zane was fine to confide many things to; however, when it came to boys Zane was not someone Keaira wished to share her feelings with.

And with the conflicting feelings Keaira had about the boys in her life, she felt pretty certain that of all the people that could have intruded on her, that Zane was her least liked candidate. Since the night she had spent with him in the astronomy tower, Keaira had her emotions in complete chaos. Zane seemed more than just a friend, but how could he ever truly be? And what of Wysteria? Was she not out there right now in the forest? Hadn’t he gone to see her already? Hadn’t he already shown that it was her that he loved? And yet he was here. Whispering softly in to her ear once more.

Keaira’s hand softly rolled across Artemis’s snowy fur, gently allowing the repetive motion to clear her thoughts. At least she knew that Artemis would always remain the ever present ear ready to hear what words she might wish to spill forth concerning her life, love, and friends.

“Why?”

It was her turn to reiterate words that were said that night atop the towers. One word to speak the thousand words of sorrow and pain that ran through her mind. Why did he come here? Why did he go see Wysteria? Why did she always lose those that she loved? Why was she, a sixteen year old girl, expected to carry the weight of saving the entire planet from corruption? Why did she feel unloved, and undesired? Why was she the one that the others looked to when D’rorah was not around? Why was she a shadow warrior? Why did she even exist? but mostly, Why were her feelings so confused?

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

His presence known, Zee saw no reason to continue refraining from connecting with his Shadow Warrior's mind. As soon as he peeked in however he saw that, on the surface at least, she was not even a little pleased to see him. That hurt more than he'd expected. Apparently he had done more damage than he'd thought that night in the tower. Regret was beginning to take over an uncomfortably large percent of his emotions, as was the self hatred that had been planted the night he'd assaulted Dylan. His arms slackened, just barely remaining around Keaira's torso. She did not seem in the least comforted by his touch. That hurt too.

Her question, so simply spoken, gave him pause. What could he say? What had changed since that night? Would telling her he loved her help at all? Would it dry her tears? Unlikely. He had told her that he loved her in the tower . . . though admittedly it wasn't in the most tender fashion. But what else could he have done? Keaira was his best friend and the most important living person in his life, but he loved Wysteria more. Or . . . did he? He had certainly thought so. But who had been most prevalent in his thoughts the last couple days? Mike Kelley's advice came back to him, and he definitely had been thinking mostly of Keaira.

Stalling because he honestly had no idea how to answer, Zee looked over at the cat, which stared curiously back. In his experience cats had never liked him, but then they'd all had very good reasons considering his treatment of them when he was alone.Quickly wiping those memories away in case Keaira was listening to his surface thoughts, Zee tentatively reached out a hand toward the pale-furred creature. He wasn't sure what he could do to make Keaira feel better, but rehashing the torturous deaths he'd inflicted on many a feline certainly wasn't it. Finally he spoke, his voice uncharacteristically halting and unsure.

"Because . . . I want you to? If you insist you may continue, but I don't think that you truly desire to remain sitting here, alone and miserable. Keaira, you . . . you and I . . . we . . . I don't think that you . . . you don't . . . I don't know what I'm trying to say. Keaira, I'm here for you. I came here for you. I don't . . . I know I hurt you. I never meant to. I know how you're feeling. How could I not? Who knows you better than I do? Who's closer to you? Keaira, I want you . . . I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Tell me what I can do. I'm here for you."

He felt that the entire discourse had been far less well constructed and eloquent than his speeches typically were and that annoyed him. Indeed he may have merely confused her further. This was uncharted territory for the reformed villain and he felt completely out of sorts. After everything, Zee was still used to well planned and selfish maneuvers, and this was neither.

[Keaira O'Connell]

It seemed to Keaira that with her mind as fogged as it had been in recent days, the thing she needed least was to have a confrontation with Zane. She had been doubling her medication, hoping to ease in to a dreamless sleep over the past week, however, her attempts seemed to bare no fruit, and so her nights had been restless as ever. In fact aside from the night when she had seen Zane atop the astronomy tower, Keaira could not remember when she had last slept soundly.

As she felt Zane’s arms relax, and fall away from her body she also felt the emotional sting that he felt in reaction to her lack of comfort from him. It gave her no pleasure to have him experience such pain, particularly when it was inflicted in some way by her. But what could she do to ameliorate the situation? She truly did not wish such pain upon him, but would not be dishonest with him, nor herself just for the sake of making him feel better.

He had hurt her. No matter what he might try to alleviate her pain, the only thing she could think of helping now was time. She needed time to be alone, time to think, but mostly, time to figure out where her heart truly lies. He was right about some of the things he said, she was not Wysteria, and never would be. She could not offer him the same things that Wysteria could. The two of them were very different people. Just simply looking at the houses that they were given would be an accurate judgment of the pair. Wysteria a Hufflepuff, loyal, friendly, and kind; Keaira a Slytherin, driven, cunning and calculating… the two of them were very different indeed.

What of Alessandro? If he ever got his memories back how wounded would he be to find out that she had given up on him, and moved on? She couldn’t simply leave things as they were now between the two of them. Even if he never remembered her, she knew that there would need to be closure between them, even if it were simply for her own good.

Keaira allowed Zane’s broken, and incomplete sentences fill her ears, and mind. He was trying to express something that was more than simple words. However, he would never find the words to express those feelings. As eloquent as Zane Lucifer Bishop had been in the past, he was unfortunately at a lack when it came to dealing with matters of his heart. As he finished Keaira responded with silence. Looking at her cat, she shook her head softly.

“There’s nothing you can do Zane…. T-this is something…I’ll have to work out on my own.”

Her words were soft and broken. Spoken through a hiccupping and cracking voice she attempted to keep her point short and sound, not wishing a rebuttal from him. However, she was already well too aware that such a statement would not do much to make Zane give up on his efforts and leave her to her solitude.

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

Silently Zee winced as he heard Keaira going over in her head the words he had spoken to her atop the astronomy tower. The words he'd used had hurt her, but they had not cut as deeply as the words he hadn't uttered, the simple fact that she was not Wysteria. He'd tried not to think the words when they'd occurred to him, knowing what kind of effect they would have. She'd heard them though and had closed herself off to him, a state which persisted now. He regretted that, and yet couldn't take back the words as they'd been honest, but now he wasn't sure they were still relevant.

It was true that Keaira wasn't Wysteria, but the result of that fact was perhaps no longer that he couldn't love her fully. Those words had come before he'd reunited with Wysteria. Now that that had happened, that "Wysteria" was no longer just a concept of the girl he loved, but an actual person, things had changed. Had Zee been in love with Wysteria, or had he simply been in love with what might have been if she hadn't been taken from him? He had now walked with her, spoken with her, fought beside her, and in the end there had been one problem. She wasn't Keaira.

Of course the parallel made him feel unbelievably foolish. Keaira had by no means offered herself to him, but the notion had been there and he'd rejected it, wholeheartedly believing it wasn't for the best. Nopw though he had, he believed, all of the information before him. He had not realized until that night that he could find happiness with her, and not until this moment that he wanted to. Slowly his arms came back up and around her, not forcefully or in a restraining manner, but undeniably present. It didn't matter if she took comfort from them. It was irrelevant whether she accepted, whether she reciprocated or not. He had made his decision and it did not hinge on hers.

"You're wrong. I don't think you have to be alone; I don't believe you want to be alone; and I know you aren't alone. I'm a part of you as surely as Darko is a part of Alessandro. I'm here for you now, and always will be, no matter what happens with Alessandro."

It was his turn to remind her of her words that night, his last sentence an exact quote from her, though its meaning was shifted by the context. Alessandro. What would happen there? What if Keaira did choose the Ravenclaw over her own Elemental Master? That too would change nothing. He would remain, protecting, supporting. Loving. And was he the better option? He had decided now that she was best for him. Was he best for her?

Can there be any question?

Ego aside, Zee still believed the answer to be 'yes.' It made sense. He and Keaira shared a bond they would never have with any other so long as they both lived. They worked well together, had demonstrated that in the direst of circumstances. They were more alike than either had admitted and yet were not the same, complementing each other quite well both in combat and otherwise. Theirs would be an intimacy unrivaled.

Lifting one hand to brush away a few tears still clinging to her right cheek, Zee leaned around to that same side, getting a view of at least part of her face. Once more his voice came out in a whisper no louder than the somber tune that continued to emanate from the flute.

"You're never alone."

[Keaira O'Connell]

((sorry i couldn't post this last night))

Keaira knew that fighting with Zane would only make things more difficult. And so as she felt his arms tighten around her again, she softly touched them and leaned gently into him. His words were projected soft in to her ear, where they lingered as she went over them again and again for several minutes. She knew that in some ways he was right, but yet she could not come to admit it to him whole heartedly. She did not wish to be truly alone, and yet she knew that if she didn’t take the time to examine herself without the influence of any other person or thing, then she would never be able to make an honest and true decision.

She had said very similar words to Zane that night in the tower. Her words however, had much more of an accusing, and biting attribute to them. They had been used to assert the opinion that if Zane reunited with Wysteria, that he would no longer be the same person he had been since they had bonded. And yet here he was saying the same words to her, affirming that he had no intention of allowing anything to come between the relationship that the two of them had, even if she chose to give herself to the cause of helping return Alessandro to normal.

Allowing his words to sink in she slowly let the barriers she had been maintain down, allowing him access to the things she had been hiding. The way she had been debating over what to do with Alessandro, the nightmares she had been experiencing, the dangerous levels of medication she had been taking at night, and the insane measures she had been taking to avoid nearly every person she knew. Letting her defenses down for the first time in just about a week, Keaira swooned slightly with the weight of the people about the school. With the medication, and her mental barriers in place so heavily for the past week, the sudden release of her blockade, hit her as if a damn had broken and all the thoughts around her hit her full force.

Her eyes closed quickly as she focused on her own thoughts, pushing all others to the outskirts of her mind. This was the way she had always lived her life, pushing back on all the overwhelming thoughts that assaulted her on a daily basis. Trying to keep herself separate from the world around so she didn’t lose herself within them.

Her eyes inched open as she felt Zane shift around her. His face was in clear view of her, their eyes locked for a moment. His words echoed in her ears and mind. Yes, she was never alone. And that was a burden that she knew she carried each and every day. Did he truly know how much she carried each day? No, he didn’t. Dien was the only one that had felt the full extent of what she suffered through, and that one experience had landed him in the hospital for nearly two weeks. Having the always constant sound of her peers traveling through her head was something that she had grown use to living with.

“I know Zane, I know. Unfortunately it is the one thing that had been ever unchanging throughout my life. No matter where I go, or how hard I try, I will never be alone. Perhaps that is my problem. “

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

A small smile flashed across Zee's face as Keaira responded, leaning ever so slightly against him. He suspected that she was perhaps doing so merely for his benefit, but figured it was a good sign nonetheless. He smiled again when he felt her mental defenses lowering, thinking perhaps he had at last reached her, persuaded her to let him in. The smile faded quickly along with his hope however, replaced by shocked horror.

Alessandro and the complications he posed for Keaira were expected. Of course her thoughts would be on that issue a great deal of the time. Her indecision on the matter was similarly unsurprising. The nightmares too he had known about, though not as intimately as he now understood them. The extreme medication and isolationist behavior though came as an unpleasant shock, particularly her intent to use a draught of the living dead. Her feeble barriers had done their work well. Between them and Zee's own internal struggles with what to do about Keaira and Wysteria, he hadn't really noticed how he hadn't seen her in the halls or the common room lately. Out of respect he hadn't forced his way into her mind to see what she was thinking, though now part of him wished that he had.

Zee managed to contain his initial response, not verbally scolding her or simply informing her that he would not allow this self destructive behavior to continue. Of course though he didn't say these things aloud, she no doubt heard them anyway. That perhaps was how Keaira knew him in a way no other creature ever would; she was privy to his passionate reactions, not merely the calculated responses he offered, and his reaction now was fear. Fear for her safety; fear that he would lose her. Panic may have been a more accurate description. The reaction passed however as Zee took a few moments to compose himself, though through it all there had been little outward sign.

Something else he'd felt, but not recognized what it was at first, was the sudden influx of random thoughts when she let down her barriers. As she cleared her mind, pushed away the thoughts that weren't hers or his, Zee's eyes widened. All the time? That was what she dealt with? That was what being telepathic meant? He had led a relatively lonely life until his time at Hogwarts, neither seeking nor experiencing any form of companionship. Her young life had been very different, and try as he might he simply couldn't comprehend it. Slowly he realized that perhaps she was right, and there was absolutely nothing he could do, nothing he could say that would pull her from this pit of despair.

Zee didn't like that. Helplessness was one thing he was very unaccustomed to. He had always been a talented wizard, learning quickly and casting advanced spells, even developing a few of his own. And then once his elemental prowess had been awakened he felt truly powerful, especially when teamed with his Shadow Warrior. The two of them alone had stormed Dark Phoenix's castle and rescued Alessandro. True they had all three come unnervingly close to death and he still carried several scars from the experience, but still they had succeeded. Now though he felt utterly powerless and he hated the sensation.

But this isn't about you, silly.

Odd, that was not at all the kind of thing Zee would typically think. But he could see the truth of the notion. It didn't matter what he felt; this was about Keaira. His arms still around her, he squeezed very gently, simultaneously leaning in and planting a short soft kiss on her cheek before shifting again to a more comfortable position to just sit and hold her. It wasn't about him; he couldn't fix her and that was ok. But neither would he leave her. Closing his eyes, Zee listened to the haunting melody that quietly filled the room.

"I'm sorry Alecto."

[Keaira O'Connell]

It didn’t come as much of a shock to Keaira when she dropped her barriers and she noticed the way Zane reacted to the information much as she had suspected he would. It had, after all, taken her a large amount of effort to hide the measure she had been taking to keep herself numb. In fact she had suspected that the only person who knew simply how far she had taken it was in fact Professor Sparrow. And the fact that she knew was merely because Keaira had sought her guidance on the matter, seeking a way to keep her mind fortified, and remain unaffected by the dreams she had been having. It had been a good idea too. The professor had successfully talked her out of using the drought of the living dead, and had provided an alternative to the potion. Allowing her to at least look forward to a peaceful nights sleep tonight, as the potion would be ready for use this evening. Hopefully it would quell her bodies desire to wreak havoc on her mind throughout the night. As she sat there in near silence her mind swirled with the memory of a recent night’s terror. As much as she wished it to merely go away and to keep her mind clear of all that it would bring to it, she could not. There seemed nothing that she could do to keep herself from suffering through all that she had been in the past week. But then again she hadn’t truly sought out any way to do so, now had she?

It was dark, and cold, as it was most nights in Hollymount. Snow was falling from the sky, but disappeared before touching down on the frozen ground. A child’s voice was heard a little bit away….laughing? No…crying. Taking several steps Keaira neared the girl, cuddled up in a corner. A sad look crossed Keaira’s face as she saw the little girl; sad, vulnerable, and alone. Keaira looked at the scene around her; everything was dark and shadowed, everything except a small white teddy bear a few feet away. Turning from the girl, she moved to the bear, and picked it up. The white fur ran dark in her hands, red and wet, and then the crying had stopped.

A maniacal laughter rang through the now silence. Keaira spun around, the little girl was now standing. The child pulled her hair back from her face, and pointed her finger at Keaira. A stream of black sprang from all around her and rushed to Keaira. She tried to run but there was no outrunning the darkness. It latched on to her, weighing her down, so she could barely walk and soon it begun surrounding her. She tried to scream as the darkness covered her face, filling every space that was Keaira like some thick oil. Her scream was drown out by the suffocating dark as it poured in to her mouth and sealed her away. Her vision went black as her eyes were covered up, and then she was completely consumed by the darkness, unable to move, unable to cry out.

Where was every one? Why didn’t they help her when she needed it? Why had they allowed her to be swallowed so thoroughly? She commanded her body to stand, and her eyes to open, but they did not respond. She tried to wipe the thick dark liquid like substance off her, but her arms would not move as she told them to do. She was no longer in control of her own body. With her body turned against her own will she fought but could not stop it as it rose without her command. Her blackened figure turned to the small girl, and bowed, the piercing green of the little girls eyes were unmistakable as Keaira looked in to them. Keaira fought with all her might, but could not crease her body from bowing to the girl, who now stood there, evil grin plastered across her face holding the blood soaked teddy bear. The thick oily darkness was sucked into her skin, removing all reminders of the evil that had overthrown her body.

Keaira struggled against it all but even so, she could no more move the mountains, or part the sea, than she could command her body to stop its own course of action. Then as if she had teleported, the scenery changed, she was by a lake, a small tree stood in the distance, a boy with dark locks, and tanned skin stood waiting by the tree. He held a small note and she knew at that moment that the only person who would be standing by that tree would be Alessandro. She screamed internally but could do nothing as an arrow was notched to the bow in her hands and let loose. She couldn’t even close her eyes as she saw the first arrow plunge into his flesh, and then again as the second one hit home as well. Alessandro buckled over, blood coming from each wound. She was then in front of him, wishing to force a healing potion in to his hands, but what occupied her hands instead was a crudely formed metal dagger. “Why” was the only thing she heard before it was plunged in through his front and he fell over upon her. It was as if nothing for the shadowed Keaira and yet her internal mind cried and screamed.

It was the same for Caity then Susan, and then Dylan. Each felled by a long distance attack, and then finished up close so that Keaira could experience the torment of each one of their deaths personally. She tried not to watch, tried not to experience their deaths, but it was as if her captor held open her mind so that she could hear each of their final thoughts on their betrayal.

Things then shifted slightly much as they had when she was brought to the lake, Keaira found herself in a short and cute blue sun dress. Her long legs looked absolutely remarkable as they fell from the skirt down to her short white socks, and in a pair of matching blue closed toe heels. Her short hair had been clipped back and she wore a touch of red lipstick. Beautiful and playful looking Keaira awaited something on top of the roof. It didn’t take long before Zane appeared beside her and a small wicked grin crossed her face. She spun to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. The smile widened, and she pulled his face towards her own. Their lips met softly at first but intensified after a mere second of joining. Lost in the kiss Zane didn’t even notice when her hands slipped from his neck down to his waist. Nor did he feel the slight shift in her arm as she pulled back and plunged the dagger in his back. Once, twice… and then a third. The look of shock across Zane’s face was all that Keaira could bear to see before she receded to the back of her own mind, and unwilling prisoner in her body. A single small tear escaped the eye of Keaira. She laughed. “Ahh, such weakness... she cries for you.” Her own laughter twisted around, evil and devoid of happiness filled her mind, a swirling of emotions and memories flooded her and then she woke up. A cold sweat dripped across her entire body as she sat bolt up in her darkened bed.

The nights were common, and each dream was different. Playing on all of her insecurities, and fears that she tried to keep hidden as best she could, and yet, if she could only keep them hidden just a little more than her problems would be solved. She couldn’t help but wonder what it was like for Mordred. When the shadow consumed his body did it take him entirely? Or did a part of him look onward as he tortured his friends, and attacked the ones he once swore to protect? If D’rorah or herself were ever corrupted would it be much like what she had dreamed about? Would she harm her friends as she had feared she might? It was a thought that plagued her mind each day, and even more so when she dreamed about it. What if, and would she were common phrases she thought of suring her secluded days.

As Zane’s fear and panic rushed through her mind Keaira held up a silent hand. As it was now, she wasn’t sure what level of influence he could have over her thoughts and emotions if she didn’t put her barriers back up at least a little. Although she was by no means mentally exposed to the students around her, Keaira had pulled down the barriers that she had used to keep Zane out, leaving her slightly more exposed than she wished as of now. Silently she placed a few of her regular blocks up, and then refocused herself on him. It was best to keep all the others separate from her when she was dealing with Zane. It made things slightly easier if she didn’t have to worry about 20 other voices in her head. He was enough of a burden sometimes.

But this isn't about you, silly.

Hearing his own mental chiding of himself Keaira knew a faint smile had grown across her face. Such a comment was not what she had grown to expect from Zane. Such must have been the result of her influence in him, something she could honestly say she was glad that she had given him. The smile although not truly there, remained in her eyes and the slight blush across her cheeks, well after he pressed his lips softly to her cheek, and then returned to holding her gently. Such a small comfort; knowing that someone was willing to put themselves on the edge for you, and although she wasn’t sure how she truly felt about it, she couldn’t really deny the thought that she felt secure in his arms. Gently rocking side to side, she allowed the music to fill the silence between them, accented lightly by the soft purring of Artemis. But through the sound of the music, and Artemis, Keaira still heard Zane clearly through it all, and through everything she still had going on in her head.

“Zane you know as well as I do that Alecto died that night with my grandfather. Now there is only Keaira….. Little dark one… And chances are that I will never be that same girl ever again."

“She is gone… and sometimes I wonder how long I will have.”

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

"You're starting to sound like Darko."

Quietly considering all that she had just communicated, Zee softly shook his head. True, the events that had so drastically affected her had occurred long before they'd met, but through their joining Zee had experienced it as if he was there, as if he were her in that situation. Save Keaira herself, no other knew what had happened as intimately as he. Leaning his head forward so that his forehead lightly touched the back of Keaira's head, he sighed softly.

"I don't think she did. She was buried yes, but I'm not certain she died. Killing a part of yourself is not as easy as we would sometimes wish it. I think that if you want to, you can be that girl again. Something I've learned since I came here is that who we are depends greatly upon who we choose to be."

His arms tightened around her slightly. Not in an uncomfortable way or a possessive fashion, but protectively. He wasn't exactly sure what she was afraid of, but knew part of it at least was Dark Phoenix being able to take advantage of the torment within her to corrupt her fully and turn her against the others. That he felt he could prevent.

"I promise you love, you have a long time. Personal feelings and complications aside, I am your Elemental Master. My most important task is safeguarding you against the darkness, and I will never leave your side. We are one Keaira, and in a way that most people can never experience I can protect you even from the darkness within you, much as you have done for me."

But Zee wasn't sure that was all that had her so distraught. He felt there was something besides the shadow essence all Shadow Warriors carried inside that was so convincing her that she was doomed. He'd replayed the nightmare with her, had watched and experienced every bit of it. At first he'd thought the small girl was Alecto, especially given that he immediately recognized the blood-soaked bear. It surprised him when she attacked however, and as Keaira was overwhelmed by the darkness he caught the gleaming green eyes. Those were not the subtle green of Keaira's eyes, and thus not Alecto's. They immediately made him think of the way Alessandro's eyes had shifted to predominantly green when Darko had taken over, but thought that likely to be nothing but coincidence. Then he realized; Dark Phoenix's eyes were green.

As the darkness overtook her, swallowed her, Zee silently reaffirmed his commitment to never let the shadows take her, to never let her grow even as close to corruption as D'rorah had come. Was that not the entire purpose behind their mental connection, so that he could hold her emotions and memories safe and keep her from succumbing?

Jealousy welled up slightly at the image of Alessandro waiting by the tree at the lake, holding a note that Zee knew must be for Keaira. His eyes widened as she put two arrows into the boy, then walked up smiling to finish the grizzly work with a crude dagger. Any pleasure or satisfaction Zee would have felt at that outcome was drowned by his sorrow. True, he despised Alessandro, but the boy's death, especially at her own hands, would tear Keaira apart as few other things could. His pleasure was not worth her pain.

Zee watched as the same fate befell the Shadow Warriors of Water and Earth and then Earth's Elemental Master, experiencing each kill fully. He did not look away, did not pull back out of Keaira's mind. These events, particularly Caity's death, were unpleasant for him, but it would mean leaving Keaira to experience them alone if he pulled away. He remained silent as they each fell to the bow and blade, and as the scene shifted once more to what looked to be the top of the astronomy tower. She was there, dressed more provocatively than he'd ever seen her and awaiting something. Awaiting what? Ah. Awaiting him. For a moment Zee wondered if he had similarly been corrupted. He hadn't seen Keaira deal with D'rorah, or Wysteria. Had they been left to him to destroy? But then the blade tore through his flesh again and again. He too was betrayed.

Some small sick element of pride surfaced as the tear crept down Keaira's cheek. She had after all, not broken through the dark control enough to cry for Alessandro. Zee angrily shoved that thought away, disgusted with the selfish tendencies that still ruled his reactions. Shivering slightly as the images faded, he took a moment to reorient himself there in the real world, breathing slowly. He pointedly avoided mentioning or mentally dwelling on the passionate kiss they'd shared in the dream, knowing it certainly wasn't the most relevant aspect to Keaira. Besides, she hadn't sorted through all her feelings so forcing her to attempt to do so rapidly would be torturous for her.

"What do you fear Keaira? Corruption? That Dark Phoenix will draw you to her side as she did Kade, as she nearly did D'rorah? Mordred was foolish enough to journey into the Shadow Realm alone, and D'rorah was without an anchor for a long time, through some very trying ordeals. That is why she nearly fell. I won't let that happen to you."

The final sentence sounded dreadfully cliché, but it was still sincere. He couldn't make her feel better, couldn't decide for her. But he could remind her of things he knew to be true and assure her that she would not have to face the darkness, neither without her or within, without his support. In the end, could anyone really ever do more than that?

[Keaira O'Connell]

The slight reference to the boy she had once loved drew Keaira a touch out of her inner thoughts and shell. Was she really that damaged? Did he truly perceive her as such? It was merely three years ago when she had lost the part of her that was innocent, trusting, three years ago that she had stopped answering to her birth name, Alecto. Although those men had left her virtue in tack they had stolen much more from the 12 year old Keaira.

Feeling Zane rest his head against her own, Keaira relaxed her back muscles, causing her to slouch ever so slightly. His steady breathing was warm against her neck and made the hairs that ran along it stand up on edge, a small shiver ran down her spine. His words held such truth, and yet she could not bring herself to admit such a thing openly. Yes, it was difficult to kill off a part of yourself, but she had not chosen to, in a strictly speaking manor, kill off Alecto. No, Alecto was painfully murdered by some one else’s actions and Keaira would not allow her to be revived. Alecto had suffered far too much during her short life, and Keaira wished for nothing more than to cease the suffering with in her life, to bring it all to an end. Besides, Alecto was a name given to her borrowed from a Greek goddess of revenge, something that Keaira did not wish to seek out and take upon herself.

Remaining silent, Keaira allowed Zane to hold her tight, and continue speaking. It was comforting to know that there were no doubt in Zane’s words or his mind as he said such things to her. Knowing that he was there for her wellbeing first and foremost was far more comforting to her than any physical sign he could ever choose to portray.

As she relived her own nightmare, she paid close attention to Zane’s reactions, it didn’t come as a surprise when he thought the young girl in her dream to be Alecto, but Keaira knew better. Her fears were not of her past, but of her future. Moving past that, she was calmed by the reassurance that Zane would not allow such a thing to happen to her. Hoping that things would never get that far, where Zane would have to live up to that promise, she pushed the thought of him offering up himself to keep her human and moved beyond that. Although his reaction to the next image her dream held was one she was less than fond of. The immediate jealousy that he felt at the mere sight of Alessandro seemed almost childish in nature. And yet, at the sight of her gruesome murder of the boy, the jealously faded instantly and was replaced with sorrow. It comforted her to know that even though Zane hated Alessandro, he cared for Keaira enough to respect her feelings for the other boy. As the dream continued she felt his remorse at each following death, but with the death of Caity she felt it at its peak. As the dream switch to that of Zane’s death, she felt his curiosity at D’rorah, and Wysteria’s lack of presence in her nightmare. True they had not been taken down by her, but honestly without an Elemental Master for D’rorah anything, like the death of so many, could push her that last step into Dark Phoenix’s awaiting arms. And well Wysteria… that was another dream entirely.

Keaira breathed shallowly as the image of a blood spattered blue dress faded from the forefront of her mind and in the distance. Catching the fleeting response that Zane had to the tears she had offered at the end of her nightmare, caught her off guard for a moment, and yet, she could not blame him. Relived that he chose not to press the issue of where he feelings were, she focused on what he had asked. What was she truly afraid of? His words hit home, she could not deny the fear she had of such things. Anyone who was in her situation and did was foolish.

She let Silence be her answer for several long minuets, as she pondered where to go with his question. After taking the time to compose herself internally she spoke. Breaking the silence that she had held for most of their encounter.

“Zane…. Have I ever told you what happened the day you became my Elemental master? What happened to Dien….How I was injured even though nothing seemed to touch my body…?” She paused for a deep breath before continuing on. “The mage drew him in to her realm through the life of her beloved wife. After he had been thoroughly tortured, she forced him to mentally pull me into the shadow realm. And if she had been a touch quicker she would have bound my mind to the shadow realm, and would have then continued to corrupt my soul, or if I had refused, she would have forced a wraith to bond with me, and I would have been hers. The only reason she failed was because one of her minions killed Dien before they had me trapped. Without our mental connection she couldn’t keep my mind trapped in her plane. However, that didn’t mean they couldn’t hurt me. She had many weapons, and I’ve seen them plunged in to the chest of those that I cared for, and I’ve felt the sting and burn as they cut in to my own flesh. You know the last time I saw him was as I looked at him through a pair of wraiths as they plunged a dagger through his chest.”

Dien was not foolish, he was merely in love, and would risk anything for the woman he cared so very much for. Keaira would never forget the look on Dien’s face as he watch the mage’s fiends stab a dagger through the chest of her beloved, repeatedly as she was chained to a stone alter. That was the trouble with Love. If it is known by the Mage, she will use it against you…. And Yet… As Keaira looked at Zane a certain level of sadness left her. She was by no means happy, simply a little less sad. She had been moving ever closer to that destructive edge that would push her the step closer to what she had come to fear so much. One step closer to never coming back; to turning against her friends, he was right in some ways; she could not continue his way… it was killing her more than anything else could, even if that meant she would have to risk some things to be happy.

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

Zee was pleased that Keaira was showing some positive reaction to his presence and his reassurance. He was somewhat less so at her thoughts concerning his reaction to the sight of Alessandro, but he hadn't expected her to find his jealousy appealing. He hardly felt that she could fault him for it however after her display atop the astronomy tower concerning Wysteria. Catching the notion that there was another dream involving the Shadow Warrior of Fire, Zee's curiosity was piqued but he didn't even ask. Zee was not selfish enough (though he had to consciously force himself not to be) to ask her to relive another nightmare.

Sitting with her in the quiet, Zee found himself wishing, as he had on the astronomy tower, that they could stay there indefinitely. They were safe there. No Shadow War, no conflict with other lightfighters, no concerns beyond what they chose to think about. It was a wondrous feeling. But of course, as she had pointed out the last time, it couldn't last. They would have to go back to the real world.

Zee listened as Keaira asked a rhetorical question. She had never told him, and while he had been undeniably curious about those events, he had never sought the information from her memories. In the early days of their bond he had been exceedingly apprehensive about their connection and tried to avoid it as much as possible, certainly not willing to go digging in her head for things he doubted she'd want him to see. She had said at the outset that as much as it was possible, she still wanted privacy, and given the things she could do to his mind if she wished, he was inclined to grant it to her. Of late he had not asked about it or gone looking out of simple respect. Chivalry. Love. Any and all.

He listened too as she recounted the events that had led to his ascension to the role of Elemental Master of Metal. His reaction was much the same as when Dien's death was first announced in the lightfighter meeting months before. The man had not been known to him, had meant nothing to him. But just as the image of Alessandro's death had grieved him, Keaira's pain over the whole incident was keenly felt, and he wished there was aught he could do to remove it. The best he could do however was to not follow in Dien's footsteps, causing her to once more be alone.

"Forgive me Keaira, but I must beg to differ. In love, yes, but still foolish. Alessandro was held in Dark Phoenix's realm, quite possibly as a lure for you or the lightfighters in general. Yet you had the wherewithal to bring me with you. If Dien had not charged off on his own without any regard for the consequences, both he and his wife may yet live. Yes, she will use all she can against us. Yes, our love can be a great tool for her wicked schemes, but we don't have to let it be. There are always options. It's not just the two of us against her and all her minions. We have allies as well, reluctant as they may be."

The last comment was obviously directed more at himself, since none of the other lightfighters seemed to have much problem with Keaira. It may have sounded presumptuous for his to use the term 'our love' in such a way, but with access to her mind, Zee knew well enough that she did love him, if not necessarily in the same way he was discovering he loved her.

"It is funny how we take such drastic actions trying to prevent the things we fear, yet seem to only succeed in bringing them closer."

Keaira's attempts to distance herself from the others so that the Mage couldn't use them to corrupt her was indeed only leaving her more vulnerable, but Zee also considered how many of the others seemed so concerned about him; they were so convinced they weren't safe around him and that at any moment he was going to turn on them and join the darkness. Yet the way they kept him at a distance only perpetuated the likelihood of exactly that happening. If it hadn't been for Keaira, he would surely have defected already.

[Keaira O'Connell]

Most in love are foolish. Or at least that was what she had come to realize. After the shock of her grandfather’s death, there was sadness and then anger. Why didn’t he use his energy to heal himself instead of save her? He could have easily used his magic to seal up his own wounds, and then tend to hers afterward. And yet, he had not. Just as Dien could have delayed a few moments, and told her his plan. She could have accompanied him to rescue her, and things may have been different. And yet they were not. Much like her grandfather, Dien had acted on Love, and chosen to attempt to save that which was most precious to him without regards to his own life or others around him. Of all her fears, perhaps it was the thought that she may lose another man in her life due to their own reckless and selfless acts that bothered her the most.

“Yes there are always options, and there are plenty of ways for her to wrench her claws through those options to attack us anyway. Phoenix’s attacks need not be physical; she also has the option for them to be mental or emotional… And yes… we have Allies… Ones that avoid us, and shun you for fear that you might repeat the actions of your past. I admit, I fear that if anything were ever to happen to you I would find few people willing to risk soul and skin to have you returned. Perhaps it is my biggest trepidation in pursuing a fuller relationship with you. And the thought of losing you…” A wave of destitution flowed over her entire being. Would there ever be a chance of recovering from such a loss? If she allowed her feelings to rule her actions, allowed them to chose Zane and to not regret that choice, then to lose him would be to lose a very part of her soul. “Zane… I’m not sure if I am ready to risk so much of myself for the sake of love…yet.”

She could not deny the fact that she not only yearned for his company more than any other person, nor the fact that there would never be another who could claim such closeness as he could. And yet, she could not tell him that she loved him. A small, and hidden, part of her wanted to swivel around and throw her arms around his neck and pull his lips to her own, but to do so would push her to a point where she would not be able to deny the way she felt for him. And that, she would not allow herself to do. She may not be able to deny certain things about their relationship, but that she could.

Zane’s last comment rang a bell in her mind, the duplicity of his words were not lost on her. Not only were they applicable to both his situation, and to hers, but also to them as a pair. As much as she tried to push away from Zane, she knew it would only draw him closer. She may wish solitude, but the measures she had taken had done nothing more than to bring Zane into light about the measures she had taken. Not only that, but as she struggled with her feelings on the two boys in her life, she noticed that only one sought her out to see what was wrong… Yes, the more she tried to push her feelings away for him, the more she realized that there was no one else who would fill that space.

As she thought on the statement herself, she looked in to Zane’s thoughts to see what it was that he had meant. An action she was not entirely certain she should have done. At the recognition of the word ‘defected’ she sat up straight, no longer leaning into Zane’s arms. To think that it was merely her that had him still fighting for the right side…

“Zane… is that really true?... would you have defected without me, even though doing so would only lead to your ultimate death?”

[Zane Lucifer Bishop]

"D'rorah. D'rorah would aid you, would risk it all to help you save me. Well . . . she would have . . . before, when she was whole. Now, I think she still would, but it would be harder."

His answer had been confident, spoken immediately after Keaira expressed her fear that she would be alone in any rescue attempt were he captured. Of all the lightfighters, only she did he feel he could call friend with any level of honesty, besides Keaira of course. They had enjoyed each other's company before his diabolical acts had come to light, and in the brief time he'd spent with her since she had returned to them, he felt that was the case again. She respected him, if nothing else. More than he could say for the others. He even got the impression that she trusted him, though whether she actually did or whether she simply saw the wisdom in not treating him as an inconvenient pet that was impossible to be rid of, he couldn't say. Either way, he felt certain she would fight to get him back the same as she would for any of the others. Not as hard as she would fight for Dylan obviously, but that was expected.

He sat there for a few moments, again simply enjoying the opportunity to sit and hold her peacefully, even if their conversation was less than serene. When she suddenly jerked away from him, he could only blink in surprise. At her words the confusion melted, but he still sat silently. She seemed deeply concerned by his stray thought. He had gotten used to such thoughts, often provoked by dwelling on the hypocrisy he perceived amongst the lightfighters. They were rash, angry reactions that never failed to quickly pass and so he had paid the notion no heed. Keaira however, had taken it very seriously. It reminded him of a time when D'rorah had picked up a similar thought. She had not been amused either. Zee let out a soft sigh, running his fingers down Keaira's arms as she sat straight.

"No, I suppose I wouldn't, if only to satisfy my self preservation. I do recognize that joining her would mean suicide, prolonged as it may be. But sometimes I get so sick of dealing with the others, of sitting there and accepting their nervous glances, only being able to imagine what exactly they're thinking when they look at me. It doesn't seem to matter what I do any longer, I'll always be the necessary evil to them. It . . . angers me, makes me want to hurt them however I can. And what could be worse than joining her? But no, I wouldn't go through with it. I would simply leave, let them all deal with the darkness without an Elemental Master of Metal, see how they faired then, see if that would make them appreciate me. That is what I would do if it weren't for you, Keaira."

Part of the way through his discourse, Zee had pulled his hands away from her, clenching them into fist as both the tempo and the volume of his voice rose, his ire at the recollection of what he perceived as great injustice clearly visible. It passed quickly though, his voice and breathing calming and slowing. His eyes were lowered and he raised one hand to cover them, as if trying to hide from her, though when last he'd looked she wasn't looking at him anyway. In the times when the anger abated, he felt ashamed of it. Still hiding his face, he spoke again.

"This is why I feel I can speak with you about your fears, about your darkness, little dark one. Aside from an intimate knowledge of the tragedies in your life, you can see that I know something of inner demons. I hope you can also see that when I say I am here for you, I mean exactly that. I will always be there when you need me, when you need an anchor. I am at your disposal. And without you, I wouldn't even be here."

[Keaira O'Connell]

“Yes D’rorah might help me to bring you back but do you really think that it’s a good plan to rely on a ‘might’? Last time I checked hoping something might happen, only leads to being disappointed and upset when it doesn’t”

Yes, and she knew just how disappointing a ‘might’ or a ‘maybe’ could be, as she had experienced both first hand. He may have had a point, of all the candidates that were the lightfighters, D’rorah was the most likely one to help her storm the castle and rescue Zee if it was needed. But would she really risk all to see he was truly saved? Would she react with the quick and sound judgment that would be necessary to ensure that Zane was returned as a whole? There was more than a passing doubt in Keaira’s mind as to whether or not D’rorah would allow Zane to suffer in retribution for what he had done to Dylan.

Part of Keaira honestly held out the hope that if she had to approach Alessandro with a predicament as such that he would be willing to help her like he would have months ago. However with the way that the pair of them had been avoiding each other, and the complications with “Darko” she wasn’t sure that he would be willing to so much as stay in the same room with her alone for ten minutes, let alone risk his life to help her save a boy he was by no means particularly fond of… Especially considering the cruciatus curse he had cast towards Zane… Yes, even if she could convince some of the others to help her, Keaira felt quite certain that they would all more than hope a little that he would sustain injuries similar to those that he had made Dylan endure.

As the conversation shifted over to that of his stray thought Keaira listened intently. His every word, every inflection that was atoned, each pause and the thoughts that provoked his words were all absorbed into her mind and processed slowly. His anger at the others, his frustrations about how they treated him, the way they looked upon him as if he was a pebble in their shoe. She knew that it must be difficult for him, feeling the glares that they send his way. She knew the kind of pain he felt when she saw the way Caitlin’s eyes glazed over his body, watching his every movement as if Zane were planning on skewering her at the first sign of weakness.

Seeing the way that they all kept themselves guarded around him made her slightly sick in all honesty. Did they not realize that by doing this they not only undermine his commitment to the group, and his willingness to change, but they also show their clear and undisputable lack of trust in her as well. Did they really think that she wouldn’t warn them if someone she knew had malicious plans to harm their group? After all, even if she may love him she could not willingly allow her emotions get in the way of every ones greater good, that was, what she was fighting for right? So that one day, every one of them could potentially lead a normal life without the threat of the Mage?

For a moment Keaira let Zane’s hands be free of her own, not wishing to intrude on him more than she already did. But the longer he kept himself away from her the more uneasy she felt. Although she was not sure as to where her feelings truly were on the subject of the boys in her life, she did know that she felt far more comfortable, and secure when Zane was by her side, holding her gently. Turning her head slightly to discover the locations of his hands, she saw them gently resting across his face, like he was hiding himself from her. When he spoke, she sat still, and took in each word like she had before. She knew exactly what he was saying, between the two of them, she was pretty sure that their inner demons could rival that of all the other Lightfighters combined… with the exceptions of D’rorah. But who among the people she knew could honestly say that they had more life experiences and inner demons than that of one D’rorah Philosophy?

“Zane, I believe that your words are true, but you see the problem with most fears is that no matter what logical information you have to deny those fears, they often times still rise up and control your actions. Knowing that there is nothing in the dark doesn’t stop one from being afraid that there could still be something in that dark. I know that you are not who you once were, I know that more than probably you yourself do. The Zane Bishop that did those things to Dylan wouldn’t be sitting along in a fifth floor classroom holding a sobbing girl so tenderly. Nor would he have risked himself to rescue another human being and I know he would not have run off to distract the headmistress to keep another group of students safely out of trouble.”

At this point Keaira had turned nearly fully around to face Zane as she looked upon him she noted that his hands still covered his eyes. Keaira moved slightly closer to Zane, positioning herself so that she was directly eye level with him, and so that their eyes could meet mere inches apart. Slowly she brought her own hands up to his face, and eased her fingers over top of his hands, and gently pulled them down and away from his face to reveal his eyes. She looked into them for a few long breaths as she steadied herself for what she was about to say.

“Zane, you are more of a changed person than any other I know, or have ever known. I trust you with every inch of my mind body and soul, knowing that you will never break the promise you made to be there for me. I know you would not allow me to be put in harm’s way if you could ever stop it, and I know one thing above all others. Zane, even if the others never accept you, I know, it won’t matter, because I do.”