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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 11, 2008 14:16:04 GMT -5
Leaving Defence class, still with a queasy stomach and a rapidly worsening headache, Caitlin headed down the corridor in the direction of the hospital wing. She had quickly changed her mind about her ability to make it through the rest of the lesson as soon as Dee had finished answering her questions.
It was a little difficult to take in... Gat was dead. He’d been the same age as her; the same age Mallan had been when he’d died. She wondered if anyone at the school would mourn for the Slytherin. He’d chosen the wrong side, he was supposed to be the enemy. It wasn’t massively unlikely that she would be the only lightfighter to feel any remorse for his death. But he was still just a kid, like the rest of them – a teenager who’d made a particularly bad choice, and had paid a huge price for it. What about his family? Any friends at Hogwarts? How long would it be till they all found out?
And this meant that a new Elemental Master of Water would have been created. Someone else dragged into this war. And she would have to bond with them... The thought sent lightning flashes of panic through her as she remembered what had happened to the last person she had gone through that process with. He’d double-bonded, the pressure had driven him insane, and he’d stuck a knife through his head. Black spots assaulted her vision without warning and she found herself having to stop suddenly as dizziness overtook her. Had she known what was coming, she almost certainly wouldn’t have skipped breakfast. Now the exhaustion was catching up with her as well. Sinking slowly down, Caitling rested her head on the stair banister, waiting and hoping for her eyes to return to normal. Eventually she could see again, but continued to sit there. She had a horrible feeling that if she rose again in the next few minutes she would simply end up blacking out again. Just glancing down at her arms wrapped around her legs, she could tell that she wasn’t feeling right – as if the headache, queasiness and come-and-go vision weren’t clues enough. Her normally tanned skin had turned a ghostly pale, as it always did when she was ill.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Aug 11, 2008 21:04:10 GMT -5
The last defense against the dark arts lesson had been surprisingly informative for the already quite knowledgeable (and not overly humble) Slytherin prefect, enough that he had thanked the professor, a man he didn't particularly like. After all that that information had lead to though, the discoveries he'd made concerning Wysteria, he had not felt the least inclination to attend the follow-up class. Wandering about the castle on a patrol of sorts, Zee had pointedly avoided the defense classroom, and the entire third floor for that matter. He had of course spent an abundance of that 'patrol' in the astronomy tower, as he often did. Now though he thought perhaps it would be a good idea to find some food. He wasn't overly hungry, but he thought it wise to eat when he could since he seemed unable to predict when the next catastrophe would strike and he'd be fighting for his life.
Descending through the castle, Zee paid little attention to his path, his near constant wanderings having given him a familiarity with the layout of the school that far exceeded what one would expect from a student who had not even been there for a year. His thoughts were on the Shadow War, as they usually were, though they seemed somewhat sluggish. Really Zee was feeling altogether weary now he stopped to consider. Perhaps some food was an even better idea than he'd thought. Glancing about to see where he was, Zee was surprised that he'd already made it to the third floor. Not much farther now until the dungeons and the kitchen. A thin smile spread across his lips as he made his way toward the stairs continuing down.
Having to pass through the corridor that would lead past the defense classroom, Zee moved quietly. Just as he'd reached one end of the passageway though, the door to that very room opened. Slipping behind a pillar, Zee watched curiously as Caitlin Collins exited the room and made for the descending stairs herself. Zee nearly groaned aloud, his smile fading. Caitlin was not exactly his favorite lightfighter, though for the most part his only objection to her was her own ill feelings toward him, which he occasionally felt were unwarranted. Waiting for her to move around a corner, Zee quietly followed, figuring she would divert from his chosen paths to go to her own common room, or perhaps the library. Rounding the corner himself, Zee again paused, finding that the girl had stopped at the top of the stairs leading to the second floor.
Not only stopped, but had sunk down to the ground. Zee watched as she slowly wrapped her arms around her legs, leaning against the banister. Clearly something was wrong, and despite his scant hope that any good would come of the encounter, Zee found himself moving forward again. He let his footsteps resound slightly, not wishing to appear as though he were sneaking up on her. That sort of misunderstanding had already come about between them. Sinking down on the stairs beside her, Zee tentatively touched her shoulder very lightly.
"Caitlin?"
She doesn't look well at all, does she?
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 12, 2008 21:40:35 GMT -5
Caitlin found herself shivering a little as her headache worsened yet again. It was rapidly turning into a migraine – and that would explain the black dots in her eyes earlier. Not to mention that the brightness of the corridor was getting more and more uncomfortable to have her eyes open to. Letting her eyes fall closed again, she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, wishing she had on another jumper. A moment ago, she’d been too hot if truth be known. Now she couldn’t stop herself shaking. Breathing through her nose, she managed to keep her teeth from chattering too much.
So wrapped up in the little world of pain and discomfort she was experiencing, she barely heard the footsteps of someone approaching. Perhaps it was in a different corridor... she wasn’t too keen on anyone seeing her like this, but didn’t know who it would be worse to approach; someone she didn’t know, who would gain a very bad first impression of her, or someone she did know and probably didn’t want to face right now. She was already so inexperienced among the other lightfighters that she didn’t want them to think she was even more useless.
Raising one arm from around her legs to her face, in an attempt to prevent the brightness from touching her suddenly sensitive eyes, she kept them closed to try and ignore the person touching her shoulder. Yes, this was most definitely a migraine. She hadn’t really had loads on other occasions, but enough that she knew the distinctive signs that told of one; for instance, the pain in her head, focussed on one spot just above one of her eyes.
"Caitlin?"
She recognised that voice. Stopping a groan that wanted to release from her lips, she opened her eyes to a slit, face scrunched up and turned to look at Zee. She met eyes with him for all of a few seconds before turning away again and leaning her head back against the banister. Taking a few clear breaths, she raised her body a little and tried to stand, clutching at the wooden banister as she did so to support herself. She didn’t want to seem so... weak... to the Slytherin. If she could just show him that she was fine, that she didn’t need any help...
“I’m... fine...” she murmured, outright lying and almost making no sound at all. Standing, Cait suddenly found that the black spots were back in her eyes. The brightness seemed to be pulsating, making the headache worse and worse. Bringing both arms up to protect her eyes from the light, she had to put one foot back to stop herself from falling over again, closely followed by a half turn away from Zee just so she could lean on the railings. This time she couldn’t stop a groan escaping, but it was completely due to the pain this time, rather than seeing who was at her shoulder. “I will be,” she asserted, slightly going back on the previous statement. She was still trembling and tried to still the tremors, not doing very well at that.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Aug 22, 2008 11:17:25 GMT -5
Zee couldn't help but wonder how much of the displeasure on Caitlin's face was due to whatever troubled her and how much was directed at him. He was well aware of how she felt about him however, so the thought simply rolled off of him. Shifting his legs and rising to a crouch as she attempted to stand, He kept his arms out, almost wrapped around her but not actually touching her, ready to catch her should she falter. Barely he heard the still small voice that she emitted, claiming to be fine, and muttered his own quiet response, his lips twisting into a sort of mockery of a smirk, mostly a grimace; a strange look of concern with a hint of amusement.
"Clearly."
Standing fully, he did press one arm against her back as she shifted her weight to keep herself erect. Zee stepped closer, his hands gently holding both of her shoulders, trying to keep her steady. He held little illusion that his touch would be in the least appreciated, but was more concerned with her physical well being than her emotional comfort. She may not like being in his arms, but a tumble down the stairs she would certainly not like, and possibly not survive. He nodded quietly as she reaffirmed that she would be well, waiting a few seconds before speaking softly again.
"Yes, you will. But you're not now. Please don't pretend otherwise. You are obviously distraught, but I confess the particular cause eludes me, though I can guess well enough that it has something to do with the Shadow War. Where were you headed? Never mind, it doesn't matter. Let me take you to the hospital wing. Or perhaps the elf kitchen. Are you hungry? Truly you look very ill."
The amusement had drained from his expression, leaving only undiluted concern.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 22, 2008 20:39:20 GMT -5
Caity could feel Zee hovering behind her, ready to catch her if she fell or lost her balance – which she nearly did more than once. Bringing her arms around, she rested them on the banister and rested her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut to block out the light again. She grimaced similarly at Zee’s reply, clearly disbelieving although she had not truthfully thought he would believe it. No, she could tell he was not going to leave her to fend for herself. She wasn’t really sure whether to be relieved that someone would be there to catch her if she managed to faint at the top of a flight of stairs, or depressed that this would surely make her seem weaker in his eyes. Raising her head and dropping her hands to clutch the banister, she pushed herself up to a standing position again, feeling the Slytherin supporting her as she did so. It was more helpful than she really liked to admit, but was finding it difficult to ignore the fact.
The mention of how distraught she apparently looked brought back to her the reason she was like this in the first place, and the grimace returned to her face. He said he didn’t know the reason... which reason? There was so many reasons for her to feel distraught due to the Shadow Wars. “Where do I start?” she muttered dully, not really aiming the comment at him but sure that he would hear it anyway. Knowing he would likely want more of an explanation than that, she took a quick and not massively thorough glance up and down the corridor just to check no one was there. Luckily, no one was.
“Gat’s... not an issue any more,” she told him shortly, knowing his probable reaction would be gladness that one of the 'enemies' was dead. Another face never to be seen again except in photographs. Truly, she didn’t know anything of what had happened to her Elemental Master except that which D’rorah had told her – that the sudden mental onslaught had been triggered by his death. “I... felt something, Dee said it was him...” She didn’t finish the sentence, but it wouldn’t be too difficult to work out the word that was supposed to come next.
The idea of getting something to eat hadn’t actually occurred to her, but now it was suggested it did seem a very good idea. She hadn’t eaten anything in a while, “Food would be good,” she murmured quietly, “then Hospital Wing.” Turning, she only took a few steps before the corridor started spinning. Reaching out, her hand found Zee’s arm and she grabbed hold of it tightly, using it as a kind of lever to stop her legs folding beneath her. She just had to hope he wouldn’t decide to pull away or move, or she would find herself on the floor again. Perhaps it was lucky that he'd come across her, or it could have been difficult getting anywhere while she was in this state all on her own.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Aug 23, 2008 4:20:30 GMT -5
Zee's brow creased as his frown deepened. Caity's descent had been apparent ever since Mallan had tragically taken his own life, but it was becoming clear that she was still falling, and he wasn't sure there was anyone there to catch her. Despite the differences that had come between them since the first days of their acquaintance, he had always felt somehow inclined to protect her and now regardless of the irritation he'd recently felt with her, that desire remained. He felt almost as if he were the hoodlum big brother she drastically disapproved of.
Zee's eyebrows rose slightly at her vague allusion to the death of the Elemental Master of Water. He'd not heard anything of Gat Soldier in some time. He had simply assumed that with his affiliation known and the certain moral flexibility he and one or two other lightfighters had shown, Dark Phoenix thought it best to keep him away from the school. But if Caity meant what he thought she meant . . .
"Soldier? You mean . . .?"
So he was dead. It was true enough that the other Slytherin Elemental Master had chosen to join Dark Phoenix, had betrayed them all and even tortured Alessandro, and Kerridon. D'rorah too from what he understood. Zee grimaced again as he drew multiple parallels between himself and the misguided fool. Still, while he had coldly suggested killing Gat at a lightfighter meeting and saw it as a valid option, it had not been how he hoped the situation resolved. Now though his concern was for Cait and the distress it caused her. He would shed no tears for the boy himself.
"I'm sorry."
The words were soft and sincere. Zee simply omitted that he was more sorry about the pain it brought her than the fact that Gat was dead. She had now lost her lover and her Elemental Master. True the latter relationship was excessively convoluted, but from what he understood it still took a heavy toll on a Shadow Warrior. Nodding and moving to follow her toward the lower levels, Zee flinched as she grabbed him but a half second later had his arms around her to steady her once more. Slightly exasperated, he thought their progress would be tedious and dangerous at this rate. There was a better option. Zee knew it would prove uncomfortably for her, but it was more efficient and much safer for her given that her legs didn't seem capable of cooperating. Bending slightly at the knees, Zee scooped Caity's small frame up into his arms.
"Trust me."
He knew it was actually quite the request he'd just made, but he hoped she would be reasonable enough to accept this as the best option for getting her to some food expediently.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 23, 2008 20:41:43 GMT -5
Facing away from him, Caity didn’t see Zee’s expression as she mentioned Gat. He was intelligent enough to work it out for himself, she was sure. “What other Gat do you – did you know?” she replied quietly, even knowing the question was probably rhetorical. The slip-up reminded her of the time just after Mallan’s death; she had been constantly referring to him in the present tense, only to remember that the only place he inhabited any more was the past. No present, no future, just... memories and photographs. The finality of death struck her once again and her grimace deepened as she screwed up her face even more.
She was surprised at the sincerity in Zane’s voice as he finally spoke in response to the conclusion he must have eventually arrived at. He had been the one to suggest killing the Elemental Master of Water, so why was he sorry now? She voiced her thoughts soon enough, turning her head a little so he came into sight, her eyes open by a slit as she stared at him, confused. “Why...?” Being ill seemed to do strange things with her ability to just speak her thoughts, Caity had noticed on previous occasions, and it seemed now was no exception.
Luckily it only took him a moment to steady her again as she almost fell, but she was unprepared for his thought process and reaction following that. She let out a small gasp as he picked her up, partly from the surprise but mostly due to the pain that the jolting movement sent tunnelling through her head. Although he had asked her to trust him, she could hardly let him carry her all the way down to the elf kitchens and not make any protestation. “I’m... I can walk. Could walk. Just...” Her stomach churned violently and she let out another groan, automatically burying her head in Zee’s shoulder to stop any more light hurting her eyes. It seemed very good at making its way through her eyelids, however scrunched up they were. “...Gimme a minute...” she mumbled, not really expecting him to comply with her request. It would almost certainly take more than a minute. But she just felt so... so helpless, all curled up in his arms, and she hated it.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Aug 25, 2008 19:07:20 GMT -5
"Deep breaths Cait."
Zee frowned again as she buried her face in his shoulder. This girl was not in good shape. Zee had some experience with a Shadow Warrior who had lost her Elemental Master. He had been there with Keaira when Dien died. She hadn't seemed to suffer such physical maladies. Perhaps Keaira's early experience with death had granted her the ability to press on regardless. She had that strength. Caity, put bluntly, did not. Though honestly Zee thought it more likely that Keaira had not suffered as Cait at the notion of death simply because she didn't hold the same sensibilities, the naiveté that Caity possessed. Her beliefs are what were likely causing her such agony now, more than any actual physical illness.
"You could yes, but it would be more dangerous and would take longer. Forgive me but I suspect a minute of waiting here, without actually getting something into your stomach, will not do you any good. Don't be difficult."
With that he was off, walking carefully so to avoid jostling her, but still at a swift pace. Caitlin was quite petite and he had no trouble carrying her though he was no stronger than the average six foot teenager. After a few moments in which his walk fell into a steady rhythm, he spoke again, addressing her earlier question.
"I won't lie Cait, I am not sorry that we have one less wizard out there trying to kill us, nor that we are no longer in a situation which utterly prevented us from being a complete unit. My sorrow at this news is almost exclusively for the pain I know it brings you. Yes, if Soldier could have been turned to our side I would have preferred that and I will not celebrate his demise, but given the option of him being either alive and well and a threat to all of our lives or no longer being a threat to anyone, I would take the latter."
Zee knew she would not like what he had to say and it would not likely improve her opinion of him, but it was either that or lie to her. He hoped, rather than believed, that she would see the logic of his words.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 25, 2008 22:36:21 GMT -5
Caitlin barely heard Zee tell her to take deep breaths. The ultimatum of both Gat and Mallan’s deaths so close together were taking a harsher toll than she could have realised. The mental onslaught from Gat’s death had prompted all the other symptoms that had been edging on her from lack of sleep and nourishment in the recent months. Although by this point she had given up on purposely staying awake as long as possible, the nightmares were still there, not letting her get anywhere near as much restful slumber as she needed. And sure, she was eating more of late... but with no appetite to speak of. If she overslept, she would simply miss breakfast and run to whatever class she was late to as fast as she could. She never seemed to feel hungry anymore, making eating more of a chore than anything else. And shirking a necessary chore was never a good idea. All of this put together had apparently culminated in how she was feeling now, with the added strain of the migraine which had inexplicably chosen today as a good time to develop and cause her more pain.
The logic in Zee’s word made sense, and it annoyed Cait a little. How could she argue against something that sounded so reasonable? She gave a sigh at his “don’t be difficult” comment and dropped her head back down again, hoping against hope that no one would come across the pair as she was being carried down to the elf kitchens. It was bad enough already, without gaining any witnesses. He had been walking for a few moments more before beginning to speak again, answering the question she had asked offhand before.
He surprised her by not bluffing his way through as he seemed to have done when he first heard of Gat’s death. The way he talked about it made it seem as if he was just being logical again... but logic didn’t always add up as far as her moralistic views went. He thought it was best, but... she just didn’t know. Leave him to fight against them in this infernal war, or death? Which was better? She couldn’t come up with an answer, and that was what scared her the most. The discomfort was even clearer on her face than it had been before at this realisation and she almost stayed silent. But, silence would mean that her thoughts were free to overtake her whenever they wanted. Talking would at least mean she had something else to concentrate on besides the pain, both mental and physical. “He shouldn’t have been in this bloody war to start with,” she whispered vehemently, hanging onto the one belief that hadn’t been tarnished in the slightest. She winced as the pain in her head pulsed again, and squeezed her eyes shut again before continuing in an even quieter, but no less firm tone. “None of us should be.”
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Aug 26, 2008 12:29:57 GMT -5
The silence persisted after Caitlin's quiet comment. While he couldn't disagree with her statement, Zee found her idealistic naiveté somewhat annoying. It was so very impractical. He let the silence endure to give him time to let the annoyance pass so that he could speak without sounding as if he were attacking her. He did wish to destroy what he saw as foolish and dangerous beliefs, but to do so with as little pain to Caitlin as possible, though some was inevitable.
"Perhaps not, though I'm not sure I agree with that either. Regardless, "should be"s and "shouldn't be"s are irrelevant and a waste of both time and thought. What good does it do anyone? It doesn't matter how it should be, only how it is. We are in a war Cait. So was Soldier. However tragic his roll may have been or his death is, he chose his own fate. You cannot deny that."
Coming to the top of the great marble staircase, Zee slowed and descended very carefully, absorbing the impact with his knees as he took each step, keeping Caitlin's body from jerking. He thought perhaps he was reaching her. She had yet to actually argue against any of his points, simply turning to new ones as he defeated the last she'd mentioned. Her thought process seemed so unlike his, but if he could get her to see things the way he did, she would become much more effective, a much more valuable asset. It would also become much more likely for her to live through the war, something Zee hoped she would manage.
"I know it hurts you to think of these things and I'm sorry, I take no joy in it. But life is pain. It always has been and always will be. The trick is simply finding enough enjoyment in life to counteract it and make it worth living."
Reaching the ground floor, Zee continued toward the entrance to the dungeons.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Aug 27, 2008 19:18:40 GMT -5
Unaware of just how annoying Zee was finding her “impractical” views on life, Caity wasn’t sure what to make of the silence. Was he just going to accept her point? She doubted it – he didn’t really seem the type to accept something like what she had just said without even a word to the contrary. Sure enough, he eventually spoke up, saying things that she found herself unable to agree with or leave without comment.
“How are they a waste? If you don’t know how life should be, then what are you fighting for? How it shouldn’t be? Someone needs to remember how it should be, so there’s a purpose to all this. If you don’t know what the end result should be, what’s the point?” And his mention that Gat chose his own fate annoyed her further – something else she had to argue against. Arguing while her head was pounding against her skull was proving difficult, but she was managing to get the main points across. It might not be as eloquent as Zane could phrase what he was saying, but it should be enough that he would know her thoughts on the matter. “You don’t know, though,” she said back after a pause, her voice quieter now. “You’re assuming it was his entire fault. You don’t know why he served the Mage, why he first decided to join her in the first place. You don’t know how much he was manipulated to start with before choosing his side. He may have made the final choice, but that doesn’t make it entirely his fault.”
Recognising some of the surroundings, Caity realised they had reached the top of the stairs. She winced a little in anticipation for the jolting movement she was sure would come. To her surprise, most of it was prevented by Zane’s careful progress down the steps, although the odd lurch still reached her, making the queasiness in her stomach even worse. Her eyes slipped closed and she slipped a hand from where it had been resting against his chest to curl around her stomach. But, then he finished his thought process and she found herself raising her head a little to stare at his face in confusion. By this point she had given up all thoughts of struggling out of his arms – she certainly wouldn’t have got this far on her own.
“What... life isn’t pain. It never was before I got here and involved in all of this,” she said slowly, putting extra emphasis on the last word to encompass the whole of the Shadow Wars. “War is pain. Fighting is pain. Not life. That’s what we’re fighting for, isn’t it? To get rid of the war, the fighting and all the other violence that makes life not as great - get rid of some of the pain. What you said... that's not what life should be, that's what life is.” There was an unidentifiable edge to her voice as she spoke, not understanding why he had said what he had. Did he honestly believe that? Was that all life had given him so far – pain? They reached the bottom of the staircase but she kept her head raised, eyes squinting at him through the light, ignoring the migraine as it raged on. All she was intent on was an answer, or some form of reply.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Sept 7, 2008 23:03:47 GMT -5
Teeth clenched firmly to keep from barking out the countless harsh replies that came to mind as Caitlin spoke, Zee kept his eyes forward, refusing to look at her. Her blind idealism was growing more and more tiresome, enough that he had the passing regret that he had been so gentle with her on the stairs. He walked swiftly across the great hall to the stairs that would descend to the dungeons, keeping completely silent. If he got started then his reply would grow quite heated, and he wanted to keep strict control until he was down this final flight of stairs. It wouldn't do to have his temper flare at such an inopportune time, when simply dropping her would become so tempting. His gaze remained on the dungeons floor below as he eased down the stony steps with as much care as he'd used before. Reaching the bottom however, his pace quickened again and his head snapped to face her as he released the annoyance he'd been holding in, his volume and tempo higher than they had been before.
"Why? Why shouldn't life forever be conflict, be war? Why shouldn't people suffer grievous consequences throughout their lives? Who's to say the cushy, comfortable life you lead before coming here was how it should be? Because your parents said so? Because that's how it was for them? How far back does that go? So it should be the way whatever ancient culture your beliefs descended from said it should be? There are other ancient cultures that devoured human flesh, that would incinerate their own living offspring to appease whatever cruel deities they believed watched over them. And they were wrong why? Because they disagreed with you? Is it you then Caitlin Collins who will judge the world, who will decide what's right and what's wrong? What's acceptable and what isn't? How it should be and how it shouldn't? Just because life isn't the way you wish it to be doesn't mean it's anything other than what it should be. Get over yourself little girl."
His tirade had lasted until they reached the painting he knew would lead to the kitchen, his forceful words unwilling to let her interrupt. Even now he paused only long enough to mutter an incantation while his hand barely made the necessary gesture, enacting a simple charm to tickle the pear in the painting. As soon as access was granted them, Zee was moving again.
"As for Sol-. Gat . . ."
His tone was quieter, though it was clear his anger had not yet played itself out. Setting Caitlin down carefully so she would be seated atop a large oaken table, Zee moved over to some cupboards. A nervous looking house elf slowly walked up to the boy, though it seemed to keep a few feet distance, as if it thought it might get kicked if it came closer. It caught Zee's eye and looked inquisitively from him to Caitlin.
"She's apparently not eaten in some time. Bring whatever you can quickly elf."
As the unnamed house elf nodded and scampered off, Zee pulled a large crystal goblet from the cupboard and held it in the air over the hard floor. His met her eyes, ensuring that he had her attention.
"Watch carefully."
His fingers relaxed and the goblet fell. Expecting the event, it seemed to take some time in Zee's perception for the crystal to strike the ground. Predictably it made a loud tinkling noise as it shattered into countless tiny shards. Lifting his eyes from the ruined crystalware, he again made sure he had her full focus before he spoke, his voice once more soft. He knew she was not enjoying this. He only hoped he would get through to her.
"Now tell me Cait, who is to blame for this mess? Was it the craftsman who made the chalice for not creating it out a sturdier substance? Perhaps the founders are responsible for having such an unforgiving floor put into the kitchen. The headmistress? Certainly if she had really wanted to spend the resources she could have had the floor enchanted to repel glass. Or is it the fault of some higher being who by some divine edict declared crystal to be fragile? Any of these could be argued, but few are the beings who would not recognize that it was I who dropped the glass, I who made the mess. The fault and the responsibility are mine. So too are they Gat's."
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Sept 9, 2008 2:33:45 GMT -5
Caity had never tried arguing with such a bad headache crashing about in her mind before, and was not finding it in the least bit enjoyable. It wasn’t just the pain though – she had never really liked arguments or confrontations anyway, and the fact that she was arguing morals with Zee, of all people, made it all the worse. Not to mention that technically he was helping her, so she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about arguing so much with him. Again he stayed silent at first, not looking at her at all and walking quicker than before. His jaw was clenched and it worried her a little – what was he holding in? And more importantly, why was he holding it in? He went down the final flight of stairs as carefully as he had descended the other flight, before continuing with his brisk walk. She was sure he was going to argue back, but she didn’t expect the ferocity in his tone of voice when they finally reached the dungeon floor.
She was taken aback at first by just how contrasting what he was arguing was to what she had said before. As he continued to speak, however, she found herself growing as angry with his views as he was annoyed with her own. She hated being spoken down to, as if she was unintelligent or not worthy of voicing her own views, and that seemed to be exactly what he was doing. Looking so much younger than she actually was, she tended to get spoken to as if she was a child rather a lot, and it was always a sure way to antagonise her. Her brother had realised this and had taken to doing it as often as he could, especially when she’d had to join that muggle school and had to keep asking him questions about certain subjects that a Year 7 should know the answer to. Most subjects, in fact. Magical education just didn’t teach topics like Hitler’s rise to power, or patterns of chemical change. He’d loved every minute of it, just as she’d hated every minute.
She opened her mouth to contradict Zee several times, but he did not pause for breath long enough for her to cut in. When he did finally finish, she was so shocked by his words and that he’d actually stopped, that she did not take the opportunity then either. She winced a little as he let her down onto the table, moving her arms from bring wrapped around her stomach to behind her so they could support her weight as she sat up. Again, the way he spoke to the house elf, just ordering it about – even if it was for her benefit – irritated her. Was it really that much more effort to ask rather than demand?
Seeing that he was still not finished as he took a goblet out of a nearby cupboard, Caity decided to stay silent for now. He’d find out what she thought soon enough. Despite her anger, she couldn’t help but feel a little confused at his actions. And despite seeing him drop it, she couldn’t help but jump when it hit the floor and shattered, taking in a quick gasp of air. People had always been able to make her jump easily. The noise made her wince a little as it echoed about it her head, but that didn’t prevent her from meeting his eyes, a strange mixture of confusion, anger and surprise in her expression. Even knowing that she could hardly lay the blame on anyone but Zee for the mess, she was unwilling to answer his question. She had never liked blaming people out loud, even if there was no getting around that it was their fault. She hated feeling guilty and tried to avoid making others go through the same – with a few exceptions.
He finished his spiel, and Caity suddenly found herself replying. Her voice was soft at first, unwilling. “But what’s the point in laying the responsibility now? There’s nothing that can be done about it anyway. But don’t judge him, placing all the blame on his shoulders, when you know hardly anything about him or what led to his servitude. Most likely it was his fault, but you don’t know that. And he’s paid for it whether it was his fault or not.” There was a note of bitterness in her voice as she said that. He was dead; there really was no purpose whatsoever in deciding if that death was deserved or not.
Going back to what he had said earlier, her voice gained a slight edge to it – not heated exactly, more... tense. Restrained, as if she was trying to withhold some of her anger. “And what you said, before. I know my life was cushy and comfortable before all this, compared to the rest of the world. Every day in India, I saw all the kids in the slums with nothing. The rest of their family dead from disease, living in these tiny shelters that didn’t protect them from anything but the rain. Sometimes not even that. But they still managed to make some happiness out of nothing, occasionally. The ones who had magic adored it. It made them special, made them feel important. Is that not right, either? That they can pull something good from everything bad? By your reckoning, should they be forever fated to more pain? Childhood is childhood; you’re innocent to start with, you don’t know what cruel things people are capable of. If I had such a cushy childhood, then what the hell is wrong with me wanting the same thing for other people? Or am I the only person who’s ever experienced a life that isn’t completely full of pain the whole way through? What was your childhood like, Zee? You must’ve been innocent once, whether you like it or not. What changed you into this pessimistic, torturous git you are now?”
She paused for a moment before continuing as her brain dredged up more of what she remembered Zee saying. “And my parents don’t think the same as me. They took me away from Hogwarts, away from all magic whatsoever, ‘cause they were paranoid that I’d get hurt. They didn’t care about the consequences of whatever war I’d somehow stupidly gotten myself involved in, they just wanted me away from it. As if that was going to stop it all from happening, or affecting me again. I am not my parents, and they are nothing like me. I decided what I think by just taking in what I see going on around me, making my own decisions. I used to be influenced by my parents, and now I agree with them on hardly anything. But what you’re saying... how can you even imply that the kind of thing you did to Dylan isn’t wrong?” She hadn’t wanted to bring up the subject of Dylan, but with the conversation going the way it was, it really had been inevitable. “That causing other people pain isn’t so bad as it sounds? That torturing them, killing them, for whatever reason might pop into your head, whether it’s cruel deities or your own self-gratification, might be okay? If it’s not wrong, then why did you stop? If it’s not wrong, then have you even stopped?” she challenged. “Those ancient cultures were wrong, and if you don’t know that as well as I then I cannot see that you have changed at all from what you were. You make out that you’re different now, but if you think that burning your own children isn’t wrong, then you are the same cruel bastard who tortured Dylan.”
Her suspicions of Zee continuing his sadistic pleasures had faded in the last few months with no sign shown of it – although, no sign had really been shown of it before, either, which was what had always made her nervous about it before. She had wanted to believe him, but had seen no visible change in his outward attitude at all that she could make out. He still seemed the same arrogant boy she’d first met in the Forbidden Forest. But the way he was speaking now, the words coming out of his mouth, were really not doing him any favours in his claim to be seeking redemption, as far as Caity could tell.
“If life is always conflict and war, then what’s the point?” she continued, still by no means done with her own spiel. At this rate, it was going to end up a lot longer than Zee’s had turned out to be. But he had had his turn, now he could listen to what she had to say in response. “In fighting, in anything? I hate the idea of fighting, and the only reason I’m agreeing to be a part of this war is because I think the cause is right. If I’m not allowed to decide for myself what’s right and wrong, how do I decide what’s worth fighting for? If life should be as it is now, with all this fighting and killing and pain, then tell me, why should I bother helping you guys win a bloody war when it’ll just be replaced by another one? When does the fighting stop?”
She stopped speaking suddenly, clenching her jaw momentarily and turning her face away from Zane to frown at the shattered crystal on the floor unhappily. Her head was pounding beneath her skull and she closed her eyes again to prevent some of the light hurting her eyes more again. Although her stomach wasn’t as bad as it had been before, the queasiness was still there and would likely return in full force soon enough. Letting out a small sigh, she spoke again in a quiet voice, all traces of anger gone but with her eyes still squeezed shut so she didn’t have to look at Zee. “And if you’re right? If all life should be for is fighting, then I’ll stop. If it’s just going to carry on and on, then I won’t any more. I won’t just carry on for the sake of living so I can fight again. Fight the war for yourself.” She paused again for a few seconds before carrying on at an even lower volume. “Maybe you’re right, and Mallan realised it and that’s why he ended it.”
She shrugged a little, bringing her arms forward and instead leaning them on the edge of the table, clenching it tightly with her fingers wrapped around the wood. Her eyelids flicked up and she made eye contact with him again, the misery she was constantly hiding displayed all over her face. “Is this what life is? Just, constant pain, made worse every time something else goes wrong, someone else dies or gets hurt? Is it just gonna carry on like this, never getting any better? Is this what life... ‘should be’?” A grimacing smile ghosted across her face when she spoke the quoted phrase, as if she was finding some sick humour in the absurdity of it and subconsciously shaking her head a little in denial. She wasn’t used to being as open as she was now, but having started had found it difficult to stop. He might as well know everything she thought rather than just half.
With one final pause, she opened her mouth again to finish the little – long – speech she had ended up giving. She had no idea if any of it would get through to Zee, make him understand what she thought; why she did the things she did. But there was always a chance he might be properly listening. “I am no little girl who knows nothing about reality, Zane. The world we live in is a mess, but that doesn’t mean it should be. All I’m doing in joining you in this war is trying desperately to make some kind of effort to make it a little bit less of a mess. So all those first years who joined this year only need to worry about their next piece of homework, instead of shadow creatures and dark rumours about a war they might end up dragged into. So they can have a childhood like I had, the kind of childhood those slum kids in India missed out on. Which you apparently missed out on, too.” It was the only conclusion she could come to that would explain his earlier scathing words. With little else to say, she closed her mouth and waited. She was certain that he would not accept all of what she had said without a single word in retaliation, so just waited for his reply.
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Zane Lucifer Bishop
Slytherin
[green]6th Year Slytherin[/green] Elemental Master of Metal
You people all have to learn. This world is going to burn.
Posts: 483
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Post by Zane Lucifer Bishop on Nov 7, 2008 13:23:56 GMT -5
At Caity's initial response, admonishing him for blaming Gat, Zee simply rolled his eyes. Of course he was going to blame the dead Master of Water for his actions. Zee blamed himself for the things he had done, so why should the other boy not be blamed for the atrocities he'd committed? Whatever pressure was exerted on him, in the end each person is responsible for their own acts. The defense that Zee didn't know the whole situation was irrelevant.
Leaning against the counter, he folded his arms across his chest as she continued, though a slight shake of the head that persisted throughout her speech clearly showed how low his opinion was of everything she said. She was twisting what he'd said and it was clear that her mind was not open to any perspectives other than her own. Of course those desolate children could find some happiness. He was all about finding some pleasure in any situation. It kept him going. But he doubted any of them much wanted the pity of the rich white girl from down the street. A sneer came to his face as she mentioned his own childhood, insisting that he was once innocent. His eyes narrowed and he twitched ever so slightly.
Careful little girl. I can hurt you badly.
His sneer turned into a smirk as she attempted to assert her independence from her parents, saying how she came to her own conclusions. Zee was fine with that, but she was still giving no reasoning why her conclusions were the right ones. It seemed nothing she said held any relevance. Until she got to Dylan, that is. At that point he sighed and rubbed his eyes. She hadn't understood a word he'd said. He did feel as though what he'd done to Dylan was wrong, but was hoping she could explain it to him. Instead she was simply repeating herself, shouting endlessly about "It's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong." Combined with what she'd said before about making her own opinions about things, it seemed more than ever that right and wrong were completely subjective ideas that changed depending on each individual's opinion. In which case, neither truly existed. Zee didn't like that, but was not being shown anything to contradict it.
His hand dropped and his eyes narrowed once more as she implied and then flat out said that he was no different than he'd been six months ago. His arms fell to his sides, the one gripping the counter in a white knuckled grasp as the other curled into a fist. After all her talk of not judging Gat, now she was judging him. Him! She refused to lay blame on her enemies yet seemed to have no reservation against tearing down her allies. They were in a kitchen; there were countless metal tools all about, many of them already sharp, just waiting for his command.
Do it. You want it so badly. It's been so long. Don't you remember the feeling? The glorious view and the sweet, sweet sounds?
Continuing to glare, Zee locked both arms, forbidding them from moving, not letting them summon the array of weaponry that lay at his fingertips. His opinion of the Shadow 'Warrior' of Water continued to plummet as she laid out her opinion of fighting and declared that she was only reluctantly involved and even threatened to withdraw. Really she was giving him every reason in the world to kill her. If she refused to fight (which so far she had), she was of no use and was really a detriment to their attempts to save the world. Aside from the cold logic of it, Zee thirsted for her blood. Not for his consumption, but simply to see it flow, to watch the patterns it would make as it ran down her body and pooled on the floor. It would be particularly beautiful among the shattered crystal.
Her last few statements were completely lost on him as he focused solely on holding himself in place. He could see it clearly in his head. They were alone. She was no match for him. He had a bountiful supply of toys. He would enjoy it so very much. Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye and he'd never been more thankful for anything in his life. The house elf had returned with an amalgamation of little snacks on a tray. He stood in the doorway looking a little awkward and a little terrified. There was a witness, one who could rapidly run for help, who could bring the entire school down on Zee's head. That was enough to quiet the bloodlust, to silence the voice in his head. His voice was tight and monotonous as he spoke, first to Caity, then to the elf, then the girl once again.
"You take a great risk. If I have not changed then there is little reason for me not to end your involvement permanently so your selfish notions don't hurt our cause further. Elf, bring that to the girl and when she is done take her to the hospital wing. I take my leave of you Miss Collins, before something happens only one of us will live to regret."
Without another word or even looking at her, Zee walked mechanically out of the room, heading for the Slytherin common room since it was the closest refuge he could think of.
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Post by Caitlin Collins on Nov 9, 2008 11:36:23 GMT -5
Throughout her speech – probably the most she had ever said in one go without interruption in front of anyone from this school – Caity could not help but notice Zane’s facial expressions in response to what she was saying. It was hardly reassuring to her but she kept going anyway, finally settling her gaze somewhere in the region of his shoulder so she was still appearing to be keeping her attention on him, but could avoid seeing and processing whatever faces he was pulling. As such, she had no idea how close she had come to a rather painful death that would certainly have made her regret making Zee so angry.
Right now, she was just as angry with him due to his outward reaction to what she had said, but unlike him had no visions of tearing him up with metal instruments and then examining how his blood flowed. If she had been a telepath and had known what he was considering there would have been two conflicting reactions; firstly, fear and a want to stop talking so he’d calm down. But there’d also be an anger, that he hadn’t changed and still wanted to cause pain. That he wasn’t listening to her at all, he was just contemplating whether to harm her or not. And that anger would make her want to make him see sense even more, which would not help at all in calming him down.
She was correct about him replying... but was frankly surprised at how little he said. Of course, the little he did say did nothing to calm her down. How was what she was saying selfish? And... hurt our cause further?? That made it sound as though what she believed had caused harm... what did he mean? What was he referring to? She desperately wanted to know what he meant, but at the same time didn’t want to ask. As much as he annoyed and angered her, she still didn’t want to annoy him. And then he was leaving, with a farewell that gave her an idea of exactly what he had been thinking as she spoke. That especially made her want to avoid angering him. But, he was restraining himself, stopping himself, that confirmed that he really had changed... but the urges were still there. He needed help to get rid of them, but she was certainly not going to offer up her help where that was concerned. She hated to think what his reaction would be to that.
And after what he had just said, she didn’t want to go after him and ask what he meant by the “hurt our cause further” comment. She hated being dismissed or thought to be ignorant or stupid... and if there was a specific time he was thinking of that she couldn’t remember right now, she was sure that she would feel like that. And Zee had certainly done an excellent job at giving her the impression she was neither needed nor wanted among the lightfighters. That instead, she was a detrimental cause they were all putting up with. How was she supposed to react to that anyway?
Slipping off the tabletop, Cait slid down to sit on the ground with her back leaning against one of the table legs. Her head was pounding worse than ever by this point, but at least her stomach had stopped churning now. She glanced over the house elf that had returned and painfully forced a fake smile onto her face. “Thank you. Don’t worry about taking me to the hospital wing, I can make it there myself,” she reassured it, accepting the food with a slightly shaking hand. “I just need to eat first. And drink.” Taking a large gulp from the glass of water that had been brought to her as well, she immediately found her element taking its effect and calming her. The headache wasn’t quite as bad now, and she felt less shaky. By the time she had gotten through all this, she should be okay to head up to the hospital wing... which she was still not looking forward to. “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay,” she repeated, upon realising the house elf was still standing there, looking a little uncertain at having received conflicting orders. Finally, it left. As the calming effects of the water faded, a sudden burst of emotion came back at her and left her gasping for breath. This was all too much to deal with... but she couldn’t do anything about it. Who had decided that she should be a lightfighter? What divine power had chosen her? She wasn’t like the rest of them, she couldn’t just march through it all and fight back. But it had chosen her, and she wasn’t about to leave them without their shadow warrior of water. Nor was she about to copy Mallan. At least they knew who she was, even if they didn’t like who she was. And although it hadn’t really been needed yet, she could heal. With battles, they would need someone to patch them up together at the end. Sighing, she took another gulp of the water to numb some of these emotions that lately, just wouldn’t seem to go away.
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