Just Another Routine Day Cont. [Cait & Dylan]

[Dylan Cooper]

Dismissing her apology with a flicker of a smile, he agreed quite fully that the setting was not right. Whatever it was, it was probably better to not have it discussed in the middle of a crowded Great Hall, and he understood that. When he had woken up in St Mungo's and requested a reasoning behind his prolonged stay there, the staff had been rather vague with the story; as it was, he had started to get used to the disappointment of not knowing things. Dylan might not be known for his patience, but his lengthy stay in the wizarding hospital had certainly taught him a few lessons, and he was sure that waiting a bit longer for an explanation of Wysteria's condition was well within his capabilities.

Noting the tone of voice she used to indicate that she just didn't know what was happening, his eyes stared, fixated at a small burn on the edge of the table. He really had missed a lot in his absence, and he regretted it more than ever. More than the enormous stack of homework or missing of classes (it was O.W.L year, after all); more than the headaches or the training he had missed out on, it was that he had not been here for his friends in such a hard time. It had been quite beyond his abilities to be here, but even so he felt guilty that he had not had to endure it like Caitlin had, like everyone else must have. He missed Alessandro, but he hadn't had to watch him fall, watch him burn, and he really couldn't imagine what that must have been like.

At her next comment, his eyes raised themselves to look at the sixth year. Deciding he could reserve his comments for when they were slightly more secluded, he bit his tongue, his face revealing an expression he wished wasn't there. He hated to hear her talk like that, like she meant nothing, and he knew his concern was plain upon his face. He also suspected she wouldn't appreciate it too much, and turned away from her as he himself rose from the table. He nodded in acceptance of her suggestion as she vacated her seat as well, thinking that the ballroom was probably the best solution for the time being.

Now that he was out of there, he was quite grateful that the Great Hall was rather full; it meant the corridors were mostly absent of students and they passed through without meeting anyone. Entering the ballroom, he cast a quick glance around the room and saw that it was empty, which wasn't strange. Closing the doors behind them, he turned to her, his face absent one worried expression. "Whoever told you that doesn't know you very well," he said finally, his voice quiet and his tone mellow. He wouldn't presume to know everything about her, but he certainly didn't think she would imagine seeing things just to try and deny that Alessandro might be dead. She was generally more sensible than that.

"And you know more than you might think," he added, a small smile rising to his features. "I don't know what happened... but I do know that despite what you think, you're one of the strongest people in this war. Not many people can stand by their convictions when everyone seems to be against them." He personally had always held a small respect for her and her reluctance to fight; she didn't want a war, she didn't want to fight, and she was very clear to say so and stand by that. Caitlin had a way of assuming the best of everyone, and he didn't want that to be whisked away in this war.

[Caitlin Collins]

Had Caitlin known that Dylan was feeling guilty over not being there, she would have quickly hastened to assure him that it wasn’t his fault. It was probably better that he hadn’t been there anyway – there should be at least one person who didn’t have nightmares about that fall. Of course, he could still get nightmares imagining what it was like – she’d had that plenty after Mallan’s death – but it wouldn’t be imprinted on his eyelids every time he tried to go to sleep... although it was kind of hard for her to work out what was a nightmare and what was just more images of fire and Alessandro. They tended to blend in together. Besides, he had been in hospital recovering... there was no way he could have been there.

She caught a glimpse of the expression on his face as they moved and it just made her duck her head again, hopefully before he had noticed that she had noticed his expression. He finished turning a mere moment later anyway so she could no longer see his face. She didn’t like him looking so concerned, for several reasons. The main one being, there were a lot worse things to worry about than something she had let slip out of her mouth. She didn’t usually say things like that out loud, only thought them, because she was worried what other peoples’ reactions might be. But she tended to relax around Dylan because she trusted it, and his surprise return had apparently made her relax a little too much and speak without thinking.

Once in the ballroom, Cait turned back to face Dylan as he closed the door, this time actually meeting his eyes. The expression she had thought she’d seen was completely gone, and she wondered for a moment whether she had just imagined it... if her self-doubting was correct then that could be entirely possible. It had only been a fleeting glance she’d gotten anyway. The momentary silence as she waited for him to speak was a little uncomfortable and she grew a bit anxious as to what he was going to say.

She missed his gaze again when he said how that person couldn’t know her very well and shrugged again, not convinced. [yellow]I don’t know myself very well anymore either...[/yellow] She almost said it out loud, but managed to prevent herself just in time and closed her mouth. She listened to what else he was saying and kept silent until he paused. Hesitantly, not really sure whether she wanted to voice the thoughts that had been plaguing her for a long time or not. She hadn’t voiced them to Dee when she had said similar things, because although she did trust the older Ravenclaw in essence, she wasn’t exactly... comfortable around her. It was a little difficult with her rigid personality.

[yellow]”Maybe my brain just can’t cope with another dead person and started hallucinating or something... maybe I’m going mad like Mallan did.”[/yellow] It had been a long while since she’d said that name out loud, and she still visibly winced at it. [yellow]”I saw him fall, I saw his body burn, but even then, I didn’t want to admit it to myself and asked where he was. The ashes were there, but I just couldn’t seem to accept until I was told plainly that he was gone. And now I still can’t seem to accept it anyway,”[/yellow] she muttered, half to herself. Listening to Dylan’s opinion on her being one of the strongest people, she disagreed internally straight away. It took a few moments after he was finished for her to draw together her thoughts and courage enough to argue with him on that matter, but eventually she did.

[yellow]”I just... I don’t know if it’s worth it any more. What’s the point in objecting to it? Isn’t it just seeding more resentment and differences among us? That night when Alessandro fell, everything seemed to fall apart. Dee’s leadership was questioned, by Keaira and Zee... There’s enough differences already, and everyone else seems so used to the death and fighting and pain... I don’t want to keep hurting from it all, but I can’t seem to make it go away. I can’t deal with it all, but the others apparently can. No one seemed to care about Gat, but he still has a family and friends who miss him... just because he was on the wrong side doesn’t mean he didn’t have that... he was still a 15 year old boy, whatever wrong he’d done. And Mallan, too... That won’t go away either...”[/yellow] Again as she said his name she winced, but it was less pronounced this time.

[yellow]”Maybe if everyone got along better, there’d be less deaths and disappearances. We’d all be looking out for each other and would know straight away when something was wrong. No one knew what had happened to you when you were in hospital, I... I thought something had happened to you too. Dee was going crazy searching for you... I tried to help but there wasn't much I could do, and there wasn't much sign of anyone else trying. So wouldn’t it just be better if I just got over it and did what I was supposed to? I’m not strong, I’m stubborn... I can’t even summon a patronus any more, every happy memory seems to be tainted... Maybe that’s why it’s taking so long for whoever my Elemental Master is to be found... because I’m not a warrior, at all... but I don’t see how I can make myself be.”[/yellow]

The moment she finished the last word her mouth snapped shut, cutting off any more streams of confessions and thoughts that might yet come out. Once again, she hadn’t intended to say so much... she had never said that much to anyone before, about anything. She was fairly sure she had started babbling at some point through that, not getting what she meant out straight, but it was out there now and there was no taking it back. She had been originally intending to tell Dylan about how Wysteria was a vampire, but had got sidetracked into spilling out pretty much everything that was worrying her. A slight redness tinged her cheeks and she avoided his eyes yet again, nervously waiting for whatever reaction came to that.

[Dylan Cooper]

He noticed that her eyes avoided his own as he spoke, and he wished there was some way to make her believe him; he didn't hold out any hope for that, however. One day she would realise that her seemingly complete lack of confidence was needless, that she had something to offer to her friends and to the world. But until then, Dylan was left being the only one hanging onto his words. He was sure that she wouldn't accept his words of attempted comfort, but one could always be surprised... No, not this time.

Her shrug and next few sentences effectively dismissed everything, and her self-doubt was clear in both her voice and her words. He raised his eyes as she said Mallan's name and noticed her small wince; he wasn't sure he could remember her using it since he had found her headed to the Room of Requirement with that letter... Unsure if that was just his poor memory or her actual lack of willingness to mention him, he let it slide but kept note of that idea. Personally, Dylan doubted she was hallucinating to try and cope, but it had been known to happen, and if not, what were all of these firey images doing popping up around her; especially if she was the only one who was seeing them. There was of course the possibility that she was not the only one seeing them, and merely the only one telling anybody about it, but somehow he suspected that was not how things were.

He reserved his comments for the moment, allowing her to get everything out while she had the chance; to him it seemed like this was all rushing out of her, as though she'd been bursting at the seams for so long that she couldn't stop herself now that she had started. When he thought about it, Mallan had probably been the person she was closest to; the person she talked to things about, and when he had gone and he himself had not been there, she had been left with no-one. Wondering if that was really true, he turned his attention back to Caitlin as she continued.

He lowered his gaze as she admitted that it might not be worth objecting to this war anymore. His expression did not display the small concern he held for her, but instead remained thoughtful as he considered that comment and those that followed. He discovered a comfort in the idea that Keaira and Zane had questioned D'rorah's leadership; she had held the reins simply because she was inclined toward a leading role, but that didn't mean she was right for it. Personally, he'd be much happier without her taking them into battle. Since he'd been back he had seen how weak she could be, how easily she could crumble, and there were obviously much better candidates for the job.

Noticing the slightly reddish tinge to her cheeks as she concluded, he eyed her carefully for a moment before responding. Deciding, most logically, to start where she had started, he spoke quietly once more, trying to ignore the instinct to wrap her up in his arms and never let go. "You don't want to cope with another death, no-one does, but it doesn't mean you're going insane, Cait." He reasoned that fire was an extremely odd occurrence for the death of the Elemental Master of just such an element, and for him it just didn't sit right. "Sometimes when something so unbelievable or shocking happens, we take a bit of adjusting to accept it," he added softly, knowing from personal experience the truth in those words. If he had been there... If he had seen Alessandro fall into flame, he probably wouldn't have believed it either.

He stopped then, just for a moment, and considered his next words. "Well, Philosophy's leadership is hardly fantastic anyway," he said more quietly than usual, his tone subdued though he did nothing to try and conceal the resentment in his voice. "But no-one really gets used to the death; the pain. Not really. They might seem like it, but I don't think you can unless you're as cold as Phoenix herself. They just have other ways of showing it or dealing with it, I know I do," he said with a small, slightly sad smile. "As to the use of objecting... I think you might be a small guide for everyone else, so they don't get lost in this war," he admitted, generalising what he himself felt.

"D'rorah was going crazy that she hadn't found me; in some sense of the term, anyway," he said in a slightly hostile tone. Glossing over his clearly aggravated opinion of the fellow Ravenclaw prefect, he continued quietly. "The time might come when one of us are in need, and you'll be able to use your abilities to help us. You don't have to be the greatest fighter, or a warrior, you just have to be you. And your Elemental Master will be found, it's in no way your fault he hasn't been discovered yet." He was sure that his words weren't going to be quite comfort enough, but it was all he could offer.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caity was glad that Dylan didn’t interrupt while she was speaking... although she wasn’t sure she’d wanted to say everything she had, at least she’d been able to get it all out of her. Had he interrupted her midway, she doubted that half of what she had just said would ever have been voiced. It was probably better to get it out to someone she trusted than to let it fester inside. When Mallan had been alive, she had voiced her concerns to him – but none of them had been quite as severe. Him dying had been what started everything off really... it was like the first domino in a whole sequence that still hadn’t stopped falling.

When she had finished, there was a slight silence before Dylan began replying. What he said at first wasn’t particularly reassuring because she already knew all of that... it was the doubting of her knowledge, because it couldn’t be certain, that was causing the problem. [yellow]”I know, but it might. And I can’t know for sure, so I can’t get rid of that doubt,”[/yellow] she shrugged again uncomfortably, glancing up at the next words he said with a bewilderment clear in her eyes... just like the resentment was clear in Dylan’s voice. What had happened between them? There was definitely something odd – she didn’t have to be psychic, there were enough clues in what he’d said so far. But why was he criticising her...? It was just the odd phrase here and there, but something obviously needed fixing...

[yellow]”But they don’t want a guide... at least, some of them. And, what if I want to show other ways of dealing with it? I... I don’t want them to think I’m weak... ‘cause I am, in comparison to most of them. Can’t fight, can’t sleep, can’t eat properly... how is that strong? I just can’t get over it and get back to normal.”[/yellow] Some parts of what she was saying were more directed at certain lightfighters than others, and it wouldn’t be too hard to work out who. Again the comment about D’rorah made her frown, but she said nothing about it for now, waiting until he had finished on what she had just said before embarking that subject. The hostility was obvious in his voice.

She sighed again when Dylan tried to reassure her that she would be needed. [yellow]”What abilities? What do I have that no one else does? I can’t perform a patronus, my normal spellwork is terrible... I can speak Hindi, but I’m sure Dee and other translators can do that too. I don’t know why I was even chosen as a Shadow Warrior, if we even are chosen, which I doubt... What’s so special about me? Why couldn’t it have been someone else?”[/yellow]

A little aggravated and frustrated, Cait’s brain was telling her that perhaps now wasn’t the best time to bring up the subject of D’rorah, but she hadn’t speak so much in months and now it was all coming out of her head whether she liked it or not. [yellow]”And why do you keep speaking like that about Dee? Who else would lead us? She has the most training, the most experience, the most knowledge, at least as far as I know. And what are you talking about, ‘in some sense of the term’? What do you mean? She was working herself to exhaustion to find you.”[/yellow]

[Dylan Cooper]

If he'd have liked D'rorah even a little bit at this point, he might have noted to Cait that the other Ravenclaw prefect, too, wasn't eating or sleeping; that much was obvious to anyone who looked at her. However, his anger at the seventh year was so complete that he didn't dare bring her up in any positive light whatsoever, even to try and console Caitlin. That, more than anything, was more unlike him than anything else he had displayed since returning from his long absense of the castle. As she brought up that particular topic once more, however, though far more directly, his jaw clenched in frustration and he turned away from her.

Gliding over the statement that she wasn't eating, nor sleeping, he finally continued. "You're a Shadow Warrior, right." He said it as if trying to make her realise. "You can do things that only four others in the world can do. You're one of the five that can actually get rid of the shadows and you can help your Elemental Master, when he's found, like no-one else can." His voice was still quiet, though slightly less so, a small passion rising into his voice as he spoke. "And if you're that worried about your spellwork and patronus, why don't we practice in the Room of Requirement? We must be able to get in there, even with Wysteria staying up there." He knew that he'd been able to get inside when other Lightfighters had already been occupying it, he assumed it would be no different now.

He knew that she would be wanting an answer to her final comment. He had delayed it already; unwilling to have that anger flare up within him once more as he spoke about Philosophy. She had clearly caught on, not that he had taken any measures to disguise his dislike for D'rorah. "There are more important things in a leader. She doesn't even care, about any of us. Not me, at least." The contempt he felt for her was clear in his voice. Typically, even if he had had a qualm with Dee leading, he would have had reason enough to realise that she was indeed the most qualified; his anger blinded him to this fact now, however. "All I was to her was a toy; the only reason she looked for me was because she lost her hold on someone who was clearly so easily to manipulate." He refused to look at Caitlin as he spoke, instead his eyes found the nearby window.

[Caitlin Collins]

Caitlin frowned a little in increased confusion when she saw the expression of frustration on Dylan's face and he turned away. Was she annoying him? She hoped not... he was trying to help her, like few other people had – although she couldn't really place blame for that anywhere but herself. She wasn't exactly receptive to talking about her feelings. About to apologise, she was forestalled when he started speaking again, and she closed her mouth to hear what he had to stay. She stayed quiet as Dylan spoke, watching his back and taking it in.

She guessed he was right about being one of five people in the world... it was just that she compared herself to those other people that made her feel useless. If she ignored those differences then she could see what he was staying... she did have something to offer the lightfighters, because she was a shadow warrior. She could defend against shadows and wraiths and dementors even if she couldn't produce her patronus. She still had her ability over water even if it wasn't as strong as her Elemental Master's would be when he was finally found. She nodded in consideration, then, realising he couldn't see her with his back turned, spoke aloud. [yellow]"I guess... I see what you mean. It's just... difficult to see that when I compare myself to the others. I never really thought of it like that. And yeah, it would be good to practice... preferably spellwork. I've been focussing on my patronus so much that I haven't really tried with other stuff."[/yellow]

Her calm and vaguely happier demeanour diminished completely when Dylan replied about D'rorah, and she stared at him incredulously. Taking a step forward, she reached out to pull on his arm in an effort to make him face her, turning a little herself so that she could at least see his face. [yellow]"What are you talking about?"[/yellow] she asked, utterly perplexed as to his sudden change in feelings towards his (apparently ex) girlfriend. [yellow]"Why do you say she doesn't care? She tried to help me before when you weren't here, I just didn't want to open up to her. And why on earth do you think she doesn't care about you? You didn't see her when you were missing – you know how hard she tries to hide what she's feeling, but you could tell she was really worried."[/yellow]

She blinked a little at his last statement, a little confused as to what he was referring to. She knew next to nothing about Dee's past, and wondered who he thought had been easy to manipulate in her past whom he had replaced. [yellow]"Why now? Why are you suddenly convinced you were a toy, manipulated, when you never gave any sign of this before? You were happy with her, now you're accusing her of not caring? What did she do to make you change what you think so much?"[/yellow] she demanded, assuming that D'rorah must have done something to gain this amount of dislike from Dylan. He always seemed so amicable... there must be a reason for this.

[Dylan Cooper]

He smiled lightly and nodded as she indicated that she would indeed like to practice her spell-work. "Good. We can test out whether or not the Room of Requirement can be used, at least," he replied. He was undeniably keen to get back to training of all manner; physical, mental and of course with his wand. Having a partner would just make it that much more enjoyable and they could practice things together that were a lot harder to do alone. Of course, if they couldn't use the room, there were a few alternatives; none of which were entirely desirable, but would do if necessary.

As he finished speaking his views on D'rorah, he felt a tug at his arm and turned in compliance with her unsaid request. His eyes were not at all their usual deep chocolate brown, kind and open. Instead, they looked as if something of great value had been ripped from him; a limb or organ perhaps. Clearly Caitlin was not at her happiest either, and not sad as she might have been called before, but more angry or agitated, as well as slightly confused. She said that Philosophy had been so worried when he had gone missing, and yet he couldn't bring himself to believe it was anything more than a charade. "If she's so knowledgeable, and was so worried, how could she not even find me in St Mungo's? I wasn't hiding, I wasn't missing, I was sitting there waiting to get better, to have someone there. They must have informed the school I was there, some student found me and must have told people - all she had to do was ask around, ask anyone and there I was, but no. She's too stubborn, too involved in her own self-confidence to care about anyone but herself." His tone had grown hotter as he had continued his little rant and the passion behind his words had not dwindled even at the very end. "The sooner everyone realises that, the better off we'll all be," he finished hotly.

Unable to do much of anything at this point, he turned away from her once more and took a few steps in the opposite direction. As he passed by the only partially open window, a small breeze blew across his face and he calmed down slightly as the smell of nature came along with it. "Look, I just... I don't want to talk about her right now," he said quietly, turning back to her. The anger that had come over him not a minute ago had been quite uncharacteristic to say the least. He was angrier and angrier these days, but not on any other subject. In fact, though he had recently taken a bludger to the head, he was completely the same except for his dislike of the other Ravenclaw prefect and the headaches he tended to get. "I um... I need to go," he said, again quite quietly. Taking those few steps back toward her, he offered a brief glimpse of a smile before turning to leave the vast ballroom.

[Caitlin Collins]

Cait returned Dylan’s smile, and although it was small, for once it was actually genuine. Feeling like she wasn’t completely useless in this group did help, not to mention the idea of improving her spellwork. She could remember how much he had helped with her patronus before. [yellow]”Okay… do you want to go now? Or another time?”[/yellow] she asked, suspecting it would probably be the latter. She didn’t actually have a lesson next but she didn’t know whether Dylan did or not. And even if he didn’t, he probably had lots of homework to catch up on having been away for so long. She had just about caught up with the work she had missed while away, but there was still some way to go before she got completely back to normal.

It was easy to see the hurt in his eyes when he turned and he seemed angry when he began speaking again, the heat in his voice increasing as he went along. However, what he was saying still didn’t help enlighten her as to what exactly Dee had done wrong. [yellow]”But… I asked around as well… no one seemed to know where you were. There was no mention of anyone having a quidditch accident. I mean, I don’t exactly listen out a lot, but after there was no sign of you when… when Alessandro fell, I was trying to listen. Besides, Susan couldn’t find you either. I don’t know why, but shouldn’t she have been able to find you in St Mungo’s?”[/yellow]

She wasn’t entirely sure how the normal Elemental Master – Shadow Warrior connection worked, because she had never bonded with Gat and Mallan hadn’t been her true Elemental Master, but she remembered reaching out with her mind for him after receiving the letter and not being able to find him.

She had never really seen Dylan angry before and was confused as to where it was all coming from… unfortunately he didn’t want to talk about it any more, and she didn’t really want to push the subject any more… it seemed a bit of a sensitive topic, and she was well aware of how frustrating it was when people kept pushing for information. She guessed that there was something he wasn’t telling her; some sort of reason for his attitude towards Dee. [yellow]”Okay… I’m sorry,”[/yellow] she said quietly, returning his smile although it wasn’t really genuine this time and faded quickly. She made no effort to stop him as he went to leave.