Reading up on the Celts ((Silren))

[Kerridon Paradox]

With his back rested against the wooden-panelled wall, Kerridon was quite happy – at least, as ‘happy’ as he ever really got – just sitting in the ballroom, reading the book in his hands. It wasn’t his usual reading material – nothing to do with either lots of his research. It was simply a book detailing some magical history; that of Celtic Britain, as it happened. It had been far too long since he had been able to just read a history book without pausing to worry about keeping his cover intact, or how he was going to get back into Dark Phoenix’s favour.

He hadn’t really done much for simple enjoyment since before Taisy’s death – before that, even. The year before his sister’s death, Raziel had been introducing him more and more to the circles in the Shadow Realm, taking him there increasingly. The realm always seemed to sap at his desire to learn, which might be why he was starting to recover now – he hadn’t been there in a while now, not since the torture session with Gat from which he still bore the scars.

The ballroom had been the first place he had thought of when logging out the book from the library earlier that afternoon. It had been far too noisy in there, with a gaggle of second years near to where he was reading, discussing the upcoming Valentines Ball. He would likely go, if only to conform to expectations. Valentine’s Day had never been something he celebrated or paid much attention to, although he did remember that Taisy had started to become more interested in it, before she was killed. The dull ache accompanying her death had faded a lot since Kerridon had arrived at Hogwarts, but it was still there and identifiable. But he was, finally starting to recover. So long as he didn’t get too many reminders of his past, he would be okay.

[Silren Chalis]

The morning had gone well and Silren found herself becoming bored during a break period in the late afternoon. Not knowing anyone and not having heard of any interesting activities, Silren decided she would meander around the floors until she thought of something to entertain herself. Her thoughts bounced back and forth as her dress swooshed along the ground when she suddenly found herself in front of the ballroom. She was always fond of dancing and was quite experienced and so she decided to explore the room.

Upon entering she noticed a boy about halfway down the room. She made her way a little closer, her shoes tapping lightly on the floor, until she found her heart racing. It was Kerridon! She was beginning to think that he was not actually at the school since between this morning and yesterday she had not seen him anywhere. Her heart continued racing and her thoughts bounced frantically as she almost stumbled. “Compose yourself,” Silren demanded in her head, “He has not seen you in ages; you can’t let him see you as a bumbling fool!” The unfortunate part was that she most likely was not going to escape what she feared.

She continued towards Kerridon, probably a little quicker than when she first entered, and stopped a short distance in front of him. She wanted to say hello as a lady, as she was now, but her voice uncontrollably took on the tone of when they were younger, “Hey there Kerridon,” adding a sincere and friendly smile which was rare for her to do. Instantly Silren mentally scolded herself. “Will you ever grow up?!” Taking a quick moment, Silren attempted to compose herself subtly but she wasn’t sure how affective the attempt was. In more of a ladies tone of voice, soft and submissive, Silren asked “May I join you?”

Her heart continued racing but her breathing had actually stopped as she waited for his response. “Will he let me sit? Is he going to ask me to leave? Does he not like who I’ve become?...” Thought’s raced through her head as she waited for his response. She remembered everything about him; had always thought about him. He was even more handsome than she could remember and her cheeks slightly flushed at the thought. Uncontrollably her left hand went up to pull at a bit of hair while she waited.

[Kerridon Paradox]

Engrossed in his book, Kerridon did not notice at first as the door opened – very unusual for him really, he was normally always on the alert. It was fascinating, how the magical and muggle communities had integrated so seamlessly together in that time, each keeping their separate communities intact, but helping each other out when needed and respecting the different traditions. But then, not too long after the Romans had left Britain for good, the interlinked societies started to fall apart until the wizards and witches left, running away from old neighbours who had previously been good friends, but were now giving death threats to any magical folk they came across. It continued like that until finally culminating in the witch hunts, still remembered by muggles today.

The sound of tapping shoes did draw his attention though, and his head jerked up to see a girl, probably in her mid-teens, wearing a silken, dark green dress that seemed a little out of place compared to his own neatly-kept, scar-covering robes with the Ravenclaw crest. Still, the colour made it easy to guess which house she was in. He kept his eyes on her as she approached, noticing a familiarity as her features became clearer. Just before she recognised him and sped up her pace, he realised who she was.

His eyes widened in blatant shock, showing just how surprised he was to see her here. His mask would normally prevent such expressions even being slightly visible to others, but here, now, it would be plain to Silren that he was such. The last time he had seen her was... Taisy’s birthday. A few weeks before they had gone on that mission, and she had been killed by his dad. He didn’t know what had happened to her after that, although he had an idea that Beauxbatons had been mentioned at some point when he had been around, with Silren’s name being said shortly afterwards. Why wasn’t she still in France?!

“Hey there Kerridon. May I join you?” she spoke, and he noticed the smallest hint of tentativeness about her. It was only small, and if he hadn’t been trained for so long in reading people he might not have noticed. Even now, he wasn’t certain it was there. But if it was, why was she nervous? Although... she always had seemed a little nervous when he was around. When he’d seen her with Taisy and the pair didn’t know they had company, she’d been fine.

“Silren...” he said her name, as if to confirm that she was actually there; it was actually his younger sister’s best friend, at Hogwarts. “Uh, sure,” he added, gesturing with his right hand and speaking a few words to summon over a few chairs from where they were stacked near the end of the room, cursing himself for sounding so unsure of himself. She knew he had wandless magic anyway – before coming to Hogwarts he had never possessed a wand, so that time he had first seen her, and had ran away because of his father’s warnings not to let anyone know he was practicing dark magic, she would have seen that he had no wand.

Composing himself, he proceeded to ask the question that was begging to be given an answer in the back of his mind. “Why are you here? I had heard you were at Beauxbatons...” he trailed, waiting to be englightened. He wasn’t sure if he was glad to see her or wished he never had to look on her again. She was part of a familiar past, true, but also reminders of a person he tried to avoid thinking of too often, and altogether failed. With Silren here, it would be even more difficult.

[Silren Chalis]

Standing there, Silren patiently waited as the chairs that Kerridon summoned floated majestically across the room. “He is so charming” Silren though with a small sigh. The uncertainty in his voice never reached Silren’s ears or, at least, she did not notice. The chairs settled smoothly on the floor, next to each other but at an angle so that they could see the other clearly. A moment after they settled, Silren reached down and held a portion of her dress, as was proper, as she floated gracefully up and onto her chair. He showed off his skill and now it was her turn. She wanted to show how much control over her ability she had gained in the years past.

Sitting respectfully, she smoothed her dress and adjusted her hair a slight as she waited for Kerridon to be comfortable. A moment later, after he had sat down, Kerridon asked why she was here at Hogwarts and Silren’s heart skipped a beat. He sounded almost as if he did not wish her to be there. She quickly wrote it off that something else must be bothering him. She smiled at him and looked around the room before returning to look at him, answering him in a pleasant tone, “I was before I went to Durmstrang. However, there were some issues at the school that were uncomfortable and so I was given the option to come here. Once I found out you were here I thought it would be nice to see you,” she paused letting another small sigh escape before continuing. Her situation was not one to reveal too much information. Not only could the probability of no one else being around be a risk but presenting the information to Kerridon might put his life at risk and that was not something she wished to do. She did not think that he would find himself in a predicament but she also did not want him interfering thinking that he was helping her; as she knew he would try to do with his chivalrous personality.

She continued with a tone of curiosity and a little joy, “It has been a few years. We have so much to catch up on.” Her heart jumped at learning what Kerridon had done with his time away but mostly she wanted to hear him say that he missed her. The first question that entered her mind was whether or not he had a girl to call his own; she hoped with all her heart that he did not and it might have shown in the way she asked, “Have anyone special?” Fearing that she may have been a little too bold she added another question afterward, “Have I missed anything important?”

You would have thought that being around Taisy’s brother would have brought some memories of the past back but Silren’s mind and heart were completely preoccupied with Kerridon. She had not seen him for years and she was finally with the man that she so deeply wanted. However, once the newness of the situation evanesces, the memories will come. Right now however, Silren gazed at Kerridon with a joyful smile that touched her whole being.

[Kerridon Paradox]

Kerridon was indeed impressed by how far Silren’s levitation had progressed – the last time he’d seen her using it she hadn’t been particularly skilful with it. “You’ve been practicing,” he commented, a small, wry smile on his lips. He could remember all too well Taisy coming home several times, enthusing to him about how her best friend’s ability was improving. The thought of Taisy brought a small wave of sadness and slight guilty to his chest, which he stoically ignored as usual. He’d known the moment he’d seen Silren approach him that certain memories would be difficult to suppress with her around.

As she explained how she had gone to Durmstrang and that there were certain “issues” that had arisen, Kerridon nodded. The comment about her coming when she found out that he was here made him a little uncomfortable, though. How had she found that out? He’d always been quite a private person, and unlike some of the other wizards and witches who served the Mage, didn’t boast about the latest important mission he’d been sent on. He preferred to just keep under the radar – perhaps why he’d been sent in as a spy in the first place. But the idea of Silren being able to find out where he was based so easily, meant that it must be fairly common knowledge. And if there was a traitor or counter-spy among Dark Phoenix’s servants, that could lead to some definite trouble for him. Letting it slide for now, he made a mental note to check on that at some point.

“It has been a few years. We have so much to catch up on. Have anyone special?”

That question took him by surprise a little, and the face of Mami Tien floated to the surface of his mind. No! I can’t like her in that way, she’ll get hurt! Even if she doesn’t like me back, and she doesn’t, it still puts her in danger! “No,” he answered, perhaps a little too quickly. Too late now. He often wished he could go back and edit what he’d previously said, on the occasions where he lost complete control of his mouth for a few moments. That seemed to be happening more and more often, lately. And without a time-turner, that was basically impossible.

“How about yourself?” He doubted it, if she was coming to Hogwarts from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, apparently without a second glance back if he was reading her correctly. It was always sensible not to get into a relationship on one of these spying missions, just in case the person you were involved with turned out to be a lightfighter. Not to mention that forming such attachments could seriously hinder you in a fight if that person happened to be involved somehow.

“Have I missed anything important?”

That was a bad question to ask. It brought to mind one of the memories he tried to suppress the most... rain... darkness, in clothing and inside him... a too-small body... the coffin... There was no hiding the discomfort on his face as he tried to push it back into the abyss, failing. “Yes,” he said shortly, a harsh edge to his voice. “Her funeral.” There was no need to name “her”; Silren would know immediately who he meant. He didn’t know what her excuse would be, but as far as he was concerned, it had better be good. Fighting back the memory, he forced his face to return to the neutral expression he normally held, rather than the slightly strained coldness.

[Silren Chalis]

Listening for his answer a little too intently, Silren did not notice that she had learned forward slightly; not much but still noticeable. She was relieved to hear the ‘no’ rush out of Kerridon’s mouth and was blindly unaware of any other cues that might have told her he was dishonest. Instead, the smile on her face merely grew a little larger as she relaxed a little back into the chair. That had been one of the best pieces of information she had heard since coming to Hogwarts. It meant that Silren was free to have Kerridon and there would be no one in her way, no one she would have to… deal with.

He quickly mirrored the question to her, which was expected, and she answered perhaps a little too ecstatically since she was in an incredibly joyful mood, “No one special. Neither of those schools offered anyone of interest.” It was true though. At Beauxbatons and Durmstrang she had boys flocking all over her but none of them caught her eye; none of them were as amazing as Kerridon. Of course, she flirted and teased them but they were all merely fun and games.

As she waited for the answer to her second question she found herself bouncing lightly in the chair as if she could not keep something from escaping her lips. The Valentine’s Day Ball was coming soon and she desperately wanted him to ask her to go but there was no way she would ask; it was the man’s place. Though as he replied she wondered what it was that she missed and intrigue pulled her. The glowing aura of joy that had been exuding from Silren disappeared suddenly, her face sunken and all sparkle stolen from her eyes. For a moment she stared blankly at Kerridon, knowing exactly who he was talking about and in shock that he would consider her so heartless.

It was only a matter of moments until Silren’s eyes began watering as tears pooled upon her lower eyelids. Her breathing had been halted all together and now she was taking slow, strained breaths as she fell backward in her chair; the only object willing to support her. She looked at Kerridon, wondering why he would want to bring the subject up, why he held so much disdain for her. Her heart burned with pain from the past that was now reawakened by the only person left that she cared about and that person now hated her. It was not her fault though… she did not have the chance.

She fought to steady her breathing as she spoke up to defend herself; her hands grabbed at her dress not caring if they wrinkled it, “How you could you think that?... I did not even receive the invitation until it was already over! I found it outside on the ground; dirty and slightly wet.” A single tear escaped her eyes as it fell down across her face, “You know I would never have missed it for anything!” She wanted to hit him, wanted to let a small scream out but she only continued, “She was my best friend; the only person I called sister….” Her eyes drifted away to the ground as she said it. Taisy was Silren’s only sister; they knew everything about each other. Now… now the emptiness of her missing presence attacked Silren’s soul.

She forced herself to look back into Kerridon’s eyes and continued with a raspy voice as if she had already been crying for minutes, “That day I found where she was buried. I stayed where she lay the entire day… even through the night I called to her crying.” The tears that were held back fell down across her face, one right after another as she tried to blink them away. The whole night she was there she cried. The whole time she had called out hoping in some way her words would bring back her sister. For three days afterward she had cried. For four days she never left her bedroom.

Before she realized it she was kneeling on the ground, her eyes closed and her face buried in Kerridon’s lap with all restraint completely gone. Tears streamed down her face and her breathing was chaotic and rapid. Her arms she had crossed above her head were holding tightly to Kerridon’s cloths and thighs, gripping and releasing as if trying to grab hold of some kind of comfort. Her heart ached and she wanted desperately for Kerridon to hold her. She wanted him to forgive her, to say he did not mean it. She wanted to know he did not forsake her. He was the only person she had left, the only person she cared about any longer; her family did not mean as much to her as he did. If he left her, she would have no one left. She would be alone.

[Kerridon Paradox]

Kerridon noticed as she leaned forward, but wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Was she simply showing interest in the conversation, which was perfectly logical considering the circumstances, or something else? His gut instinct was telling him “something else”, but with no idea as to what “something else” could be, he had to just dismiss it. Whatever it was, it was a little unnerving. She seemed happy enough talking about her time at Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, so she couldn’t have had too bad a time, despite those “issues” she had mentioned. And she seemed happy now; vibrant, even. As if nothing had ever happened...

That vibrancy quickly slid away at his not so subtle mention of Taisy. The spark he was so used to seeing within her disappeared like a candle blown out by the wind. So used to reading people, he could see the emotions rush through her – sudden depression, shock, tears... Wait, tears? He couldn’t help a wince crossing over his own face as certain feelings he had beaten down and suppressed were visible all over Silren. That burning, twisting pain eating him up inside... was it the same for her? Was there a real reason why she had not attended? He had always assumed it to be choice, but truth be told he thought about that day so little anyway that he hadn’t had a chance to go through any rational explanations in his head. All he had noticed was that she was not there. And it was a miracle that he even noticed that, the state he was in that day.

“How you could you think that?... I did not even receive the invitation until it was already over! I found it outside on the ground; dirty and slightly wet. You know I would never have missed it for anything! She was my best friend; the only person I called sister….”

He could see signs of anger in her face now, but could mostly only make out the strain and hurt. She had heard the accusation in his tone, alright. He just hadn’t thought it would cut her so deep. A smidgeon of that horrible feeling he had yet to identify as guilt seeped into his stomach, but it was overwhelmed by the pain caused by her last word. Sister... Meaningless to him now. Gone, and not a thing he could do about it. If there was one thing he hated it was feeling powerless or out of his depth, and there was little he could do to win over death apart from beckon it to himself. But he’d already tried that once, and still had the scars on his wrists to prove it.

“That day I found where she was buried. I stayed where she lay the entire day… even through the night I called to her crying.”

He hadn’t really cried apart from the funeral. He’d just sat in his room, leaning against the bed, doing nothing. He ate when he was told to, slept when he was told to, but did all of that silently. He hadn’t said a word. He sat and fought the horrific pain that was overwhelming him, spearing from every side and unrelenting, merciless. Then his father had got angry, tried to make him move, or do something. He did in the end, but only because of the funeral. That was the worst. That night he’d tried to join his sister. He’d failed, but it had woken him up inside, and he began speaking again. Buried himself in his research and books, alone in his room, but at least was acknowledging the real world existed. His father had left before the numbness could fade through to anger.

He didn’t hear or see her move, but suddenly her face was in his lap and she was clutching at him, all of her usual control and brightness gone. Without even thinking he gripped her wrists, intending to make her release his robes so that he could sink to the floor beside her. Releasing them again, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her head to his chest and gently stroking her cheek. “Shh,” he murmured softly, mouth right next to her ear. With his arms around her, it reminded him of comforting Taisy, as he had so often done, and sent a dagger of acid pain racing through his body. He tried to hold it together, but didn’t completely succeed – a few small tears leaked from his eyes and he pressed his own face into her shoulder. After a few moments, with his composure somewhat restored to the point where he wouldn’t be openly crying any longer, he raised his head again and gently kissed the top of her head.

“Don’t cry...” His voice was rough with suppressed emotion, and he didn’t continue with something along the lines of “it’ll be alright”, or “it’s okay” as some might have. He knew that it wasn’t okay now, and it never would be alright. Withdrawing his arms from around her, he instead put both hands on her face and made to make her look at him in the eye. “My father is dead. There is no one left to punish; nothing we can now do. And crying doesn’t help either.” Logic might get through to her, if nothing else would. He’d had to work that sequence of logic out for himself, over the course of those black days after her death. Of course, it didn’t always work, but it helped remind him. With his thumb he wiped away the tears from beneath one eye, then did the same with his other hand and her other cheek. He hadn’t meant to bring this back to her, especially now he knew it was not her fault she had not turned up. He knew very well just how hard it was trying to avoid reminders, yet he had purposely brought up the subject.